[da fat n da furious]

OMG!!!! What are they feeding those birds????

Id say exlax!

[FrouFrou]

Too cute Marti! Wouldn't that be horrible though to have a day like that?

I don't know what those birds were eating-GROSS! I was wondering to if that was from one day or several days. That would be awful if it was one day!

[FrouFrou]

Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry.” How about dinner?

You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.

Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.

I didn't believe in predestination till I met you.

What do YOU think? Will it be the flood or the fire next time?

Am I the only one who sees the sign of the beast in the Volkswagon logo?

Could you come and pull this mote out of my eye?

Hi. Your name must be Grace because you are AMAZING!

[Marti]

Also you always need ice cream with cake.

How come when you mix water and
flour together
you get glue..
and then you add eggs
and sugar...
and you get cake?
Where did the glue go?
NEED AN ANSWER?
You know darned well where it went!
That's what makes the cake...
Stick to your BUTT

[da fat n da furious]

Subject: Alberta Cowboys
>
> Prior to her trip to Alberta, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided
> to her sorority sisters she had three goals for her trip to
> Alberta.
> She wanted to taste some real Alberta beef, take in a bona
> fide rodeo, and have sex with a cowboy.
> Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how
> she fared. "Let me tell you, they have the best steaks that I've ever
> had. There is no steak in the world that could compare. The taste is
> unbelievable!! And I went to a real rodeo..talk about athletes - these
>guys
> wrestle full-grown bulls - like in Spain! Except they ride a horse
> out at full gallop, then jump off the horses and literally grab the
> bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground. It is incredible!"
> They then asked, " Well tell us, did you have sex with a
> cowboy?" "Are you kidding?" She said, "Once I saw the outline of the
> condom they carry around in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed
>my
> mind!"

[Kayecee]

'Cept ain't that supposed to be Texas cowboys?!? I'm not sure y'all Canadians can match our menfolk. (yep, I think I just drew a line in the sand girlie! LOL ) *teasing* I love that joke! I'm gonna copy and send to all my friends.

[FrouFrou]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is okay. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and the said to achieve best results, put on two coats.

Okay, it's not that funny, but I thought it was cute. I was picturing her trying to paint with two coats on. And no offense to any blondes out there.

[Jane]

I haven't been to this thread for awhile - you guys are too funny!!

[FrouFrou]

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure our what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

A~almost boobs
B~barely there
C~can't complain
D~dang!
DD~double dang!!
E~ENORMOUS!
F~fake
G~get a reduction
H~help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

[Jane]

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to **** for up to 8 full hours.


ST. M O M M A' S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.


E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of
how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved
out.


P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents
conception.


D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. (note from Jana: somebody must be slipping me this one! I like country music and love Neal's Dodge Ram!)


F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
urge to flip off other drivers.


M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal
lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?"


B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,
duration, and credit limit of spending spree.


J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.


A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.


N A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as
nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it
herself.

[FrouFrou]

Too cute Jana!

[Marti]

- MTV actually played videos in the 80's.

- There was only one kind of Nike tennis shoes (white with a red swoosh), and they didn't cost $125.

- A comb in your back pocket is more practical and less painful than a ring through your nose.

- In the 80's, playing video games actually meant going out to DO something.

- In the 80's, when you were out partying, you didn't have to worry about your Mom calling you on your cell phone.

- In the 80s, we didn't have to worry about getting our heads blown off at school - unless you put a whole pack of Pop Rocks in your mouth and drank a coke.

- Debbie Gibson vs. Britney Spears. New Kids on the Block vs. N'Sync. New Edition vs. Hanson. Ok, that one's a draw.

- In the early 80's, there were kids in your high school who could buy alcohol LEGALLY.

- Feathered hair was easier to care for than dreadlocks.

- In the 80's, you didn't have to worry about your pants falling down all the time. They were so tight we couldn't get them off!

[Marti]

I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks. My mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risqué picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.

"Mom, what's this?" I asked.

"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," she answered.

"Is it working?" I asked.

"Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"

[FrouFrou]

That's cute Marti! And you are so right about the 80's! I used to watch MTV and VH1 all the time back then and all you saw was videos. Now it's reality shows etc. I swear everytime I turn on it there is never any music. The same with VH1.

[Dolphin]

How can you tell a blond has been using the computer?
-there's white out on the screen!

How can you tell 2 blonds have been using the computer?
-there's writing on the white out!

Ok, bad blond joke. But I am a blond (although from a bottle) so I am allowed to tell bad jokes!