3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/)

- Support Groups (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/support-groups-122/)

- - Weight and dating (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/support-groups/258368-weight-dating.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackBarbieKiss125 (Post 4331866)

So I started to read up on flirting/dating stuff and observe my skinny friends and let me tell you, they do NOTHING to warrant the attention they get. The fact that they are skinny is ENOUGH for men to find them attractive to approach them.

Don't let anyone sell you on it is something about your demoner, just lose the weight and watch this problem vanish.

I think this is a really dangerous mindset. Of course weight plays a factor for some guys–I don't doubt that there are guys who absolutely will not give an overweight girl a second look–but that's not all there is to it. If it was, every single skinny girl looking for a guy would have one and fat girls would only date chubby chasers. Personally, I know a number of thin girls who aren't interested in dating, have chronic b*tch face or lack confidence, and they're not getting any more date invites than I am. A guy's gaze might linger longer on them, but they aren't seeing any more "results" than I am!

I could give plenty more anecdotal evidence that confidence is the key, but I think the other ladies in this thread have done a great job of that. I just wanted to address what I thought was a troubling attitude. Losing weight isn't going to suddenly fix problems, dating or otherwise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahokkuri (Post 4336296)

WORD! I feel the same way.
I've always been able to get dates no matter my weight. Plus, I have a few gal pals who are also overweight and have smoking hot, kind, funny boyfriends. My skinny pals can get dates too. The thing is to project confidence but also happiness! No one wants to date a grouch. Look happy, smile, laugh. Then everyone, not just men, will want to be around you :)

I have been everything between a 4 and a 24, and for the most part single, and have had men interested at all my different sizes, almost. Different men are attracted to different body types. Confidence is important, to a point. As far as eye contact and smiles, that only works IMHO if you make that eye contact and smile, then DON'T LOOK AGAIN. Too much of that makes them think you are chasing them. Just my experience.

I'd say for me its both, I am median when it comes to personality I am not completely standoffish but I'm not the super social of the most social butterfly types. I think my personality has been shaped by lifelong obesity as well. I never learned how to flirt , or attract attention. I even have a hard time with small talk and making just plain friends. I don't know if I can learn those skills at this point in life. I am trying to change, little by little but it's hard. Harder than counting calories and working out... if I'm honest.

I've never dated, AND I'm 95% sure that it's because I have zero confidence in my looks, and am paranoid that I'm reading somebody's signals wrong, or that they'd be embarrassed that I'm attracted to them because I'm the fat one.
Living in Toronto it's worse than most cities, because in every group I'm in, I'm almost always the fattest despite the fact that since I've lived in TO, my BMI has been between 23 and 28.

Rejection is scary, y'all, and my confidence is so paper-thin I'm scared it'll rip if a guy I'm attracted to knows I'm attracted to him and rejects me!

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackBarbieKiss125 (Post 4331866)

OMG ZaZaa, I have a huge anxiety issue about weight and dating. Most people on this forum will not understand because they are not in our age group. Most woman are married. So they don't understand what it feels like to be single, 20 something, and in our currently obsessed thin society, because it wasn't this obsessed when they themselves were 20.

I have a thread on not being the fat friend anymore and it is full of comments like "oh it's your self esteem, oh it's not your time yet" and in real life when I talk to people about why I am single they are like "your just too pretty/smart for them, their loss, you just haven't met the right guy yet" blah blah blah

So I started to read up on flirting/dating stuff and observe my skinny friends and let me tell you, they do NOTHING to warrant the attention they get. The fact that they are skinny is ENOUGH for men to find them attractive to approach them.

Don't let anyone sell you on it is something about your demoner, just lose the weight and watch this problem vanish.

P.S, I was in a bar the other day and there were 2 women to my left and 2 women to my right. I watched a group of men walk up to the ones on my left, then after a few mins SKIP ME and they all went to go talk to the ones on my right. Tell me this is based on my personality.

100% correct. You and the OP are the only ones telling it like it is. Losing weight WILL make ALL the difference in terms of being approached! But keeping a guy's attention is another matter completely. I probably had even less confidence at 180 and got hit on all the time. What you girls are talking about happens to me all the time now - a friend and I are in the middle of a conversation, a guy will come up to her, interrupt, and turn his back to me so I get to sit alone. It depends a little on how you girls are meeting guys and where you live but in my experience, guys might date you, but for 99% of them you're not their first choice in terms of looks. Living in NYC, I'd have a better chance of getting a date if I were a skinny schizophrenic crackhead than at my weight.