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Old 11-09-2010, 10:52 PM   #1  
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Default Its all starting to wear on my nerves. I want to quit.

I mean of course I know I shouldn't, but it is so tempting. Seems I cannot get the allotted daily intakes right on Sparkpeople even if I stay in the 1200-1450 calorie range, you know? Too much protein, too little carbs, too little fat or too much. Up and down...ugh. And it really depressed me today that my humongous breasts and weight got in the way of me doing not one but two exercise videos. I couldn't get past 7 minutes of Jillian's 30 day shred (i even watched the "Easier way" girl) and I got the same in my Firm Power Half Hour video. I did a little strength training though.

How do these people move like that? Why didn't I before? I feel pathetic. I have no strength, no coordination and I am mixed up about eating. :/ I'm 27 years old. At my weight it should not be that tough to freaking move and its getting me down. My mind keeps wandering in my frustration at the weight barely coming off (18 in three months seems so paltry, and its from not working out enough before) to french fries, Macarons, pizza. I used to cook these things for myself. Can't now because my mind still isnt -quite- familiar with the term "moderation" or even "Christ on a cracker woman, dont eat so fast!"

The more I try to change, the more stressed I get, the more I want to jam the disgustingly unhealthy things into my yawning maw. It's a catch-22. I hope I'm not alone in this and I don't want to cave in. I know I'm strong enough to do this FOREVER because I know it doesn't stop at goal. it is sickening to think that food, the want of laziness and depression have this much power over me.

Thisclose to throwing the towel in, by god.

Last edited by Nebuchadnezzar; 11-10-2010 at 07:25 AM.
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Old 11-09-2010, 11:10 PM   #2  
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one day at a time. don't give up.....you've lost 18 lbs.

i look at it this way. it could have went the other way, could have been an 18 lb gain........i definitely prefer the first option

my dad used to say "keep on keeping on" it will come off in time, not a sprint, it's a marathon
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Old 11-09-2010, 11:48 PM   #3  
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I can't do the 30-day shred very well either (I am rather well-endowed) so I understand that. Jumping jacks? No freaking way. Sometimes I want to just stuff myself with ice cream, and ironically the feeling is worst when I am not hungry. I try not to think of eating this way forever, it is too big, it overwhelms me. I just remind myself I can get through today.

I mean I almost gave in and ate a disgusting amount of ice cream today, I was this close to it but I refocused and had an omelette instead. So you aren't alone, I don't have good support at home and that makes it harder.
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Old 11-10-2010, 06:04 AM   #4  
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hang in there dear...I think we ALL know how you feel and have been there more then one time a day! Every day I try to find ways of coping with all the feelings that go washing through me...frustration makes me want to pacify myself with food. I always feel better having eaten M&M's or mashed potatoes...crackers with butter...but that feeling of calm is gone almost as instantly as the food is to be replaced by guilt and disgust with myself for giving in. Instead I try to grasp tightly onto a few jewels of wisdom I have gathered from this safety haven:

1. I am trying to retrain my brain to think "If I'm having the munchies I MUST be dehydrated. DRINK A LOT OF WATER! (surprisingly enough, this has actually started to work! I didn't think it would)

2. To avoid the evening snacking and binging I have been going to bed early. I already put in long days and lack of sleep DOES contribute to slower weight loss so into the sack I go. This also, surprisingly enough...has worked like a CHARM and my mood is better the next morning after I've A. slept wonderfuly and B. not carrying the guilt of over eating because I didn't! win win!

3. I read the book "Confessions of a Carb Queen" over and over again, especially when I'm struggling. For whatever reason, it helps me deal when I see how much she went through. It's inspirational and has gotten me through MANY MANY "bad spots" where I could have totally blown it.

4. Leave the house and go outside for a walk. Fresh air clears the mind and removing yourself from the temptation is always a plus. This works.

You can do this! YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE WORTH THIS! You were not born this way, this behavior was learned over years and years...we just need to RE-LEARN new behaviors Keep coming here and reaching out! We will help you through!
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Old 11-10-2010, 07:07 AM   #5  
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hang in there dear...I think we ALL know how you feel and have been there more then one time a day! Every day I try to find ways of coping with all the feelings that go washing through me...frustration makes me want to pacify myself with food. I always feel better having eaten M&M's or mashed potatoes...crackers with butter...but that feeling of calm is gone almost as instantly as the food is to be replaced by guilt and disgust with myself for giving in. Instead I try to grasp tightly onto a few jewels of wisdom I have gathered from this safety haven:

1. I am trying to retrain my brain to think "If I'm having the munchies I MUST be dehydrated. DRINK A LOT OF WATER! (surprisingly enough, this has actually started to work! I didn't think it would)

2. To avoid the evening snacking and binging I have been going to bed early. I already put in long days and lack of sleep DOES contribute to slower weight loss so into the sack I go. This also, surprisingly enough...has worked like a CHARM and my mood is better the next morning after I've A. slept wonderfuly and B. not carrying the guilt of over eating because I didn't! win win!

3. I read the book "Confessions of a Carb Queen" over and over again, especially when I'm struggling. For whatever reason, it helps me deal when I see how much she went through. It's inspirational and has gotten me through MANY MANY "bad spots" where I could have totally blown it.

4. Leave the house and go outside for a walk. Fresh air clears the mind and removing yourself from the temptation is always a plus. This works.

You can do this! YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE WORTH THIS! You were not born this way, this behavior was learned over years and years...we just need to RE-LEARN new behaviors Keep coming here and reaching out! We will help you through!
I like this. Relearn new behaviors, yes. I've got to drill this into my head. >.<

\
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I can't do the 30-day shred very well either (I am rather well-endowed) so I understand that. Jumping jacks? No freaking way. Sometimes I want to just stuff myself with ice cream, and ironically the feeling is worst when I am not hungry. I try not to think of eating this way forever, it is too big, it overwhelms me. I just remind myself I can get through today.

I mean I almost gave in and ate a disgusting amount of ice cream today, I was this close to it but I refocused and had an omelette instead. So you aren't alone, I don't have good support at home and that makes it harder.
Go you for being hardcore and resisting the ice cream! I haven't had the stuff myself in so long, and god I miss it. Blegh. I had to do the same thing earlier while all this crap was frustrating me, you know? There was the candy, the Tostitos with Lime, etc. And I had to come downstairs and sequester myself in my room just to not touch any of it. I think thats what made me snap a little. But you aren't alone in the lack of support. Same here...

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Old 11-12-2010, 02:27 PM   #6  
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I just wanted to say that I really like and agree with almost everything Iianae said. Those are good tips, try to incorporate them into your plan!

I was having trouble with 30ds too, but I made a few changes and it's much easier for me now. Instead of jumping jacks, I jog in place and do the arm movements. Or do that "electric slide" move side to side, if that makes ANY sense (billy blanks does it a lot in his tae bo vids).

Is it the same move? No. Am I getting my heart rate as high? Probably not. So why do it? Because it's SOMETHING. Keeping yourself MOVING instead of just standing around WAITING for something you can do is better than nothing. Any increase in heart rate is better than none.

I also have trouble with the "butt kick" running, so again I just jog in place. Even if you can't do exactly what they're doing, do SOMETHING. You'll feel better about it after it's done, just don't give up. You've already come so far and there's no sense in giving up now.

Just take a minute, relax, breathe, and take it one day at a time!
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Old 11-12-2010, 02:39 PM   #7  
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I feel like you are making this too hard. It doesn't have to be that hard. It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

What I did was develop two modes of action. I have my baseline mode of what I must do. For exercise, that's easy. I do cardio M/W/F and lifting T/Th. My routine is easy and very, very routine. I can choose to go hardcore above and beyond that but the moment it gets too hard, I back off to baseline. If I don't have a baseline, my response has always been to quit entirely. There IS a middle ground here! What is your baseline must-do? Walking? If it is, that's just fine. Make sure you at least do that. Strive for completing a video as an ultimate, majorly celebrated goal.

With diet it's a little more difficult to draw a line around. But I think sometimes maybe baseline is that it's ok to have whatever treat, but you must put half of it back. Or with your specifics that you mentioned, don't worry right now about fats and carbs and protein, but only focus on the calories. Once you have the calories good and well within your control, then choose something else to focus on improving.

I never have focused on fats, carbs or protein other than in the form of getting them in or making sure they're quality. I have focused on eating whole foods and I have done so gradually as other habits formed.

You can do this and you don't have to go hard core to lose this weight. I believe hard core has its place, but once you start crying for mercy, it's time to revert back to baseline.

Last edited by Eliana; 11-12-2010 at 02:40 PM.
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Old 11-22-2010, 01:36 AM   #8  
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Nebuchadnezzar,

You're MORPHEUS'S G-DDAMN SPACESHIP and you're one of the most well-written and witty posters on 3FC. Don't eat yourself back into further depression, backtracking, and miserable health.

I don't have boobs at all and my BMI is 21 and I still think the 30DS is stupidly difficult. There are so many other ways to exercise though. Go for powerwalks or do simple calisthenics or just dance around.

I strongly support what Eliana said - it seems like you've taken on a monstrously difficult burden what with tracking carbs/proteins/fats etc exactly. If you're getting 1200-1450 calories, that's GREAT and you can definitely lose a fair deal on those calorie amounts!

And you are DEFINITELY not alone. We're all in this together, working to better our quality of life and gain control over food, eating and all that.
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Old 11-22-2010, 01:41 AM   #9  
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Hey Nebuchadnezzar
The bigger you are, the harder it is to exercise I think. When I was 230 lbs, exercising was SO hard for me. However, the bigger you are, the more calories you burn when doing cardio. So even a LITTLE bit helps a LOT.
Take a path of moderation right now. Eat 1500 calories a day, and try for 30 minutes of just movement. Maybe just a brisk walk for 30 minutes? Keep us updated, you are in my thoughts.

Don't quit! I often feel tempted to quit, but I know for my health and quality of life, I need to lose more weight.

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Old 12-05-2010, 05:34 AM   #10  
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I firmly believe the only key to weight loss universal to everyone is not giving up. I also believe that most people don't give up because they're actually failing, but because they feel like they're failing (because they're not losing fast enough to feel successful).

I've never, not by a long shot, ever lost weight so slow in my life as this current attempt. Heck I've abandoned far far faster weight loss for being "too slow."

I never saw losing this slow as anything but failing - so in some ways I've "failed off" 85 lbs.

When I started, I could barely wash my hair in the shower (and I needed a shower chair to shower). I bought shampoo and conditioner combinations, because I didn't have the strength to "rinse, repeat." I barely had enough strength to wash my hair at all.

My "secret" this time has been what I call "dieting backwards." Instead of starting with a goal weight in mind, and trying to get to that goal as quickly as possible, by any means possible I started by focusing on making healthy changes with no weight loss goal at all. I asked myself what was I willing to do forever, even if it resulted in no weight loss at all. That's where I started, and at first I didn't lose weight with my changes - but I did gain strength and stamina and the willingness to make more changes.

If you average my weight loss since it began "this time" about six years ago, I've lost about a quarter of a pound a week (if you average only the last three ears, I've lost a little more than a half pound per week). It's actually snow-balling in that in the last three years, each year I've lost more than the year before.

I'm not saying weight loss should be or has to be as slow, but I'm saying it doesn't matter how slow you're losing, if you keep at it, you'll eventually reach your goal (or at least keep getting closer to it).

With weight loss, we tend to forget that "giving up" on weight loss usually doesn't just result in no more losing, it usually means a whole lot of regaining (and usually some extra pounds too).

For me, it took seeing "no gaining" as success just as worthy of celebrating as losing. I chose to "woo hoo" when the scale didn't move (because it wasn't moving in the wrong direction).

The diet/frustration/quitting/weight gain/disgust/diet cycle is one we're "taught" by example. The rollercoaster ride is often the only models we have for weight loss. It is almost an ingrained tradition/ritual that becomes a deep rut that's difficult to escape. It's how "everyone does it."

I was griping to my doctor, maybe a year or so ago that I was frustrated that I wasn't losing faster like "most people," and my doctor set me straight telling me that I was doing better than most people, because most people quit and regain - so just staying in the game is a success most people don't acheive.

You can do this, and it doesn't have to be as horrible and frustrating as is customary. You don't have to follow the traditional ritual (in fact you can't, not and be successful). In some ways the keys to success are unlearning most of the popular dieting myths (especially the one that says if you're enjoying yourself, you must be doing it wrong).

Focus on your successes, not your shortcomings and build upon the successes. It isn't always fast, but it doesn't have to be torture.
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:12 AM   #11  
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Slow your pace.
Just do the 1 video...and up the calories...1450 - 1600.
You will lose weight slower, and it won't be so strenuous.
By June you will weigh less and have more stamina to do more.

I am losing 1 pound a week on 1600 calories/day. And no video.
That will take awhile to get to my goal.
I am plodding along...slow but steady.
By December 2011 I should be down another 50 pounds.
And I won't be all stressed out and exhausted along the way.
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Old 12-05-2010, 11:33 AM   #12  
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Jillian Manface can jump up my fat white...well, you get the picture.

Seriously, those videos--not just her program, but the vast majority of them out there--are showcasing people who've been super-fit for years and whose only experience with extra weight is a quarter-pound of monthly bloat. Their boobs, if they have them, are generally purchased and don't have the same kind of movement that the natural kind has, so they can freely hop around without impediment. They're a ideal of fitness toward which we can strive, but which we'll only approach asymptotically.

They are doing things that not every body can be made to do, and if your body doesn't do them yet--or ever--that doesn't mean you aren't doing yourself a world of good by trying. Do you like other forms of exercise? I don't do videos anyway because I don't like skinny harpies nattering at me, so I walk, lift, and ride an exercise bike; for me, it's more enjoyable to listen to my own thoughts than to the strident screeching of a woman who's never weighed as much as my left butt-cheek.

Have you played around with your calories to see how much you can eat and still lose? You look like you've really pared down your meals; do you still lose on 1500-1700, or is your metabolism cranky and insistent on 1200-1400? I find that too many days at the low end of my range leaves me craving stuff I haven't wanted to eat in weeks, but a day or so back at my high range (around 1600) dampens those cravings.

Sometimes I think weight loss is a little tougher on someone who loves to cook. In one sense, it's easier on us because we're familiar with a kitchen and can work on learning new techniques and recipes, but in another sense it's difficult to think of all the awesome things we used to whip up. My compromise has been learning how to make "my" stuff in lightened, healthier form. My meatloaf has a much higher onion-to-cracker ratio, my pizza is now an ultra-thin crust topped with vegetables and a smattering of cheese, my red beans and rice is no longer more andouille than beans. I don't want to give up cooking my favorite stuff because cooking it is a part of my identity--but I can slim it down.

I totally hear you on the slowing-down-while-eating thing. I always see people recommend that, and I always think, "YOU try working seventeen years' worth of retail jobs that give you fifteen minutes total to procure and eat your food and see if YOU still eat slowly!" I really enjoy food, but as much as I try to make myself slow down and savor it, that feels totally unnatural to me. So I don't try for it and instead take a mid-meal break sometimes if I catch myself gobbling too quickly. The fork goes down, I get up and go fix my hair, refill my water, pet a cat, whatever. If you're also a fast eater, well, it couldn't hurt and might help.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:52 PM   #13  
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I firmly believe the only key to weight loss universal to everyone is not giving up. I also believe that most people don't give up because they're actually failing, but because they feel like they're failing (because they're not losing fast enough to feel successful).
I've never thought about it this way, but it's genius. Thank you, once again, for your words of wisdom, Kaplods!!

This is SO TRUE. Don't do it! Do whatever you have to do to not give up. Find a new workout. (I started 30DS at 200 lbs with 40DDD boobs and it STUNK, but it also motivated me. Find something that motivates YOU.) Get a better workout bra. Find a motivational book - Thin for Life, or the Beck books, or something else. Try something different till something clicks, but for goodness' sake, don't give up!

You are worth the best that you can be. You can do this!

ETA: My almost-daily affirmation to myself (when I feel like I'm not "doing enough") is this: Progress, not perfection. Better health is NOT an all-or-nothing proposition. Baby steps do add up, and you are capable of taking them!

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Old 12-05-2010, 01:00 PM   #14  
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When I first started my weight loss I couldn't do any exercise but walking. I could never have done the 30 DS so I really admire you for trying. I was very big on top as well and found that the Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds dvd's were very doable. A good sports bra really helps.

I know it's hard not to get frustrated, but I think 18 lbs in three months is great. If you throw in the towel those 18 lbs will come back and might even bring friends.

It can feel very overwhelming in the beginning.
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