Compliments make me hungry
 

Well, jeez. I've lost some weight, it's true, but I was hiding it for a while (almost unintentionally because I never thought to try to wear my smaller clothing out), then yesterday I decided to wear an outfit that I usually save for late night grocery shopping (to get comfortable in public). Some semi-skinny black jeans and a hoodie that "fits." It was partly out of laziness that I wore it...anyhow, I went to work and had two meetings and in both the word "TEENY" and "WOW" and "HOT" went around. This is really the first time anyone's said anything (took 25 lbs for people to start talking!) and holy crap did I feel uncomfortable. I exercise during my lunch break and often change in the bathroom here in the office, so it's no secret that I've been bustin' ***, but it was weird getting flooded with "compliments."

Let me get to the point. I wanted to eat everything in sight yesterday. Here are some examples of things that were going through my mind:

"Wow, people are noticing, but I should stop trying to lose weight. Now I can eat those chips!"

"I'm getting a lot of attention and this is making me really nervous and I wonder if people are talking about me when I'm not around."

"Come to think of it, I'm actually getting looks from more people than normal. This means that I might have more interactions and honestly, I'm not up for any drama in my life right now."

"I'm going to be tempted to have sex with *******s."

"I don't like having sex with *******s."

"What happens when school starts up again and people talk to me like this everyday?"

WHAT IS THE DEAL?! Why can't I just be glad for myself and keep trucking along? Why does this whole weight-loss thing have to be so public?

I admit, I love to shop, but I guess I'm not mentally prepared for what people think, especially people who have known me heavier.

Gah, thanks for reading/listening. Here's my question: What do you tell yourself to make these anxieties subside?

When thoughts like these occur to me, that is, thinking that people are thinking about me, I always analyze and conclude what is the more like scenario:

People have busy lives and don't have time to think about other people. People have families, bills, dreams, crushes, illness, meetings etc. they are not going to be thinking about you or how you look. Think just how much money goes into advertising celebrities and trying to maintain their popularity in people's minds.

How awesome that you've made such a change in your life that people notice the positive change in your body! I'll bet you carry yourself differently, too!

But it's true that everyone has their own life to deal with, their own dramas and preoccupations. As much as you are preoccupied with your weight/ people's response to it/ your response to that... once you are out of sight, they are probably not continuing to think about you or your weight, but about themselves and how other people think about THEM, their own weight, their own sex lives, their own responsibilities and interests and insecurities.

Believe me, I have always struggled with worrying about what other people are thinking about me. While depression and anxiety were at the root of it, I have to keep reminding myself that it's pretty narcissistic to think everyone has the time or energy to bother thinking about me that much! So relax!!

Keep rockin your accomplishments!! You are doing great and it's showing! Don't let success scare you into self sabotage- and NEVER have sex with anyone you don't like having sex with!!