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kat-that sure took a lot of guts to break your silence and speak your mind. i know the fallout must be very hard on you now, but the courage and strength it took to do that will eventually pay off. sorry things are so rough for you now, though. hang in there! you are my hero! we will all move forward together one dainty step at a time-no doubt about it!
kaylets- good thoughts coming your way! i too completely agree about letting the bs and disrespect go--no time for wasting on that! we are all here for you. :) hi anagram, arabella, ceara, andria, eydie, and all our lovely royalty, mentioned or -un! thinking of you all. getting together with some friends later this afternoon, and others tomorrow, all of which should be pleasant. well, take care, everyone. |
Our beloved old hound dog passed away yesterday--not ill, just old, old, old. When he was no longer able to walk a vet came to our house and it's like he just fell asleep in our arms---so peaceful. It's always excruciating when it happens but we have 2 dogs to comfort us and lots of great Jubal stories. For 14 years that old hound made us very happy!
Something I noticed while we've been going thru all this: it would've been so easy to comfort myself w/ chocolate, cookies, or even wine but I wanted to stay fully present. It was a good lesson in watching how easily food can be used as a drug to sedate feelings; much better to feel it all than to see it all thru a sugar fog or be in a food coma, but make no mistake I wanted it! |
Ohhhh, Eydie... I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, but I love that he was able to drift away in your arms. What a peaceful way for him to go , surrounded by those he loved best. Now I'm crying... our Molly is 13, and while there are still days where she forgets that she's no longer a puppy, her age catches up to her and reminds us that she may not be here forever. Big hugs to you and your family! :hug: Nice moment of clarity there... the pain will still be there, whether or not you've sedated it... better to feel the feelings and move through them than to suppress them with food and be left with the pain (still) and guilt/shame/self-loathing PLUS a weight gain on top of that. Not that I would know anything about that! :lol:
wsw... We had a pleasant afternoon get-together yesterday, too. Spent the afternoon, and well into the night, with my brother and sister-in law. The weather was early fallish, actually, but we sat outside, around the fire, for hours, laughing, talking, arguing, (good arguing; my brother and I are polar opposites, politically, so there is usually a debate over something to keep things lively) I got a good, long walk in before we left, but I keep forgetting that Molly really isn't up to the task of long walkies anymore. About 30 minutes into the walk she stumbled and then started to limp... Agh, what have I done to her? We started for home, and then she seemed to be okay. In an apparent show of solidarity, I stumbled over an uneven sidewalk and did a spectacular face plant! Full body SPLAT! We enoyed a leisurely limp home after that. Amazingly, I didn't injure anything... other than my dignity! :o Not much planned for today... other than to truly celebrate Labor Day by NOT laboring! Some puttering around the yard, maybe... Whatever you have planned, I hope you enjoy your day, my fellow :queen:s! |
I'm baaaaa-aaaack...
So. I've been pretty much off-track all summer, getting lots of exercise but having some problems with my afternoons, which seems to be what happens.
I'm back to eating only at the table when I'm alone and aiming at only when I'm hungry. That'll do it for me, I know. Wow -- started this in the morning and thought I'd manage to get back from time to time. Not a good day, this one wasn't. Eydie, so sorry to hear about your faithful companion. It sounds as if Jubal had a wonderful life with you and the best possible goodbye, though. :hug: Kat, I'm so proud of you for speaking your mind to your sister and getting that out in the open. It takes so much of our energy suppressing that kind of thing. WSW, you are a shining star! I look to you for the light and I swear I will follow. Congrats on your hugely deserved success! :woohoo: Kaylets, keeping you and DH in my thoughts and prayers! :hug: Anagram, how are things in your corner of the palace? Okay. Today was not a lovely day but tomorrow will be better. I'm going to tuck myself into bed with my book. 'Night, beloved :queen:lies! :yawn: |
Hellooooooooo, out there...
Things are mighty quiet 'round the Palace of late... I'm hoping that everyone is doing well. I had computer issues for most of last week: 5 viruses gumming up the works! Not sure why the security center wasn't working, but after only about 2 hours on the phone with the virus buster fellows, all is well, once again. :)
So much sadness at my workplace lately... a dear co-worker's son died in a car crash a few months ago, another's husband died two weeks ago, and then we just found out on Friday that one of the women in my office lost her son to suicide this past Thursday. Too much... just too much. I'm so sad for her... I find myself going through the days like normal, and then I just stop and think of her and how her life will never be the same. I find it totally incongruous that the sun can still shine and it can be a beautiful day when she is in such pain. When all of them are in pain... We had a little gathering of staff on Friday and the hospital chaplain was there to try to give some comfort and have us pray together... the wisest words came from the girl who lost her son a short time ago. She said that Life is a gift to be treasured every minute of every day, make the most of the present because we never know what the future holds. Good advice there. I'm heading to bed now. I took myself on a long walk around the reservoir today. (5 miles) Everything was swell til about 3.5 miles in and my foot started to really hurt. I should have wrapped it before setting out, I have problems occasionally from an old fracture.. By the time I finished the walk, I was hobbling! I iced it when I got home, if it still hurts tomorrow, I'm going for an xray. I don't know what I did, but man does it hurt! This was a real downer of a post... I'm tempted to delete it, but if I can't vent to my fellow :queen:s, who can I vent to? :shrug: Hoping this week is better for all.... |
And my apologies for contributing to the "quiet". Been running around lately a good bit and wasn't getting "notices" from 3FC. Did this morning though and hope that's going to work better.
Oh, kat, that was so much sorrow and sometimes it does seem impossible to believe in some places life is going on. Hope your foot is ok. wsw, my heroine. You have done fantastic work and you deserve all the red blouses, etc. that you can manage. Arabella, you stated my case. I've flitted through the summer only occasionally being attentive to my health needs. I did buckle down on the water and it helped but I need to settle down on all the other factors as well. I returned last night from a 3 day religious retreat with a wonderful retreatmaster who put a lot of things in proper focus for me (for about the millionth time in my life). As in matters re food and health - not giving me a lot I didn't already know but making me refocus on the things I already know. This morning I'm off to DD's to celebrate my (tomorrow) birthday. In a way, my heart will be heavy. DS is unable to commit to his previously suggested plan because it's looking like he will be losing his job due to the economy and that the ax will fall on my birthday. I'm not surprised as he's mentioned the situation for some time now but I'm sure he's devastated as he's put in so much time and effort that he's had almost no life this whole year. Because of all of that, I think he'll be more surprised by the timing than by the fact but it sure should earn him an even better letter of recommendation (which with $3 or so should buy him a decent cup of coffee). So the heart that came home so peaceful last evening is heavy once again. Hopefully I can still get back on track so I won't add to my children's concerns with any additional health problems. |
Kat, so sorry for the sadness where you work. It's really hard when there's this huge mountain of sadness--I'll be thinking of you and your friends.
Anagram, don't lose sight of what you learned or relearned at your retreat. We humans are strong and we can get thru most anything. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANAGRAM!:hug: |
anagram- happy birthday!!! :)
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eydie-sorry to hear about the passing of your dog. sure sounds like you gave him a very loving farewell.
kat-so sorry about all the sadness and loss around you at work. i'm sending hugs your way. arabella-know what you mean about afternoons being hard. they are often my most challenging times of the day too. kudos on all the exercise. anagram-glad to hear recent retreat was a good experience for you. sorry that ds is going through such trying times. sending good thoughts your way. i appreciate all the kind words of support and encouragement! :) it often feels like such a very long and uphill climb (as it did for me this afternoon, in fact), but i know it is worth the continued effort. have a lot scheduled for tomorrow, so need to start winding down for the evening. last couple of nights, didn't sleep much, so hoping tonight will be a different story. well, take care, all. |
Hello my friends,
Sometimes it's just easier to keep things inside; its just easier. Monday we saw the doctor for the results for DH's lung biiopsy. It is definitely "non small cell" cancer. We now meet with an oncologoist on Friday. I briefly scanned some past posts and was lifted by your thoughts and I thank you all. Please continue and even if you don't mind, dial up the thoughts and prayers. Both DH and I can use them. Katrina, you're coworker's remarks were a bullseye for me this morning. Welll, my friends, I have finally found out what will dampen my appetite!! Dark humor but true...... Talk to you soon. :hug: |
kaylets- lots of dialed up good thoughts and prayers going out to you and dh, along with many big hugs!!! thanks for checking in with us during this monumentally difficult time. we all have your back!
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Kaylets, consider yourself hugged and yes, we'll amp up the prayers for you and your Beloved!
Not going to sugarcoat things--this'll be a monumental challenge, but amazing things can happen. Stay hopeful and please remember to take care of you. :hug: |
Stupid reality: Day 1
Hello my beloved :queen:lies! Sorry for having been scarce around the Palace lately. Busy/not really focused/other excuses... I've gained 7 pounds over the summer and am going to have to readjust tracker... Anyway, the good news is that comes with preparing to take this seriously again. I really don't stay conscious of how overweight I am and then have one of those light-bulb moments (typically, the stupid light bulb is in a dressing room :eek: ) and go "Oh yeah... I really AM fat." :o
So. Shall change tracker and get back at it. I'm seriously thinking of getting a membership to a place that offers shared work space to get myself out of the house in the afternoons. I really think that would go a long way towards solving the problem -- I get through mornings and evenings fine. Anyone need to relax? I came across an article about epsom salt baths a little while back and I'm a believer now. Here's a great article about why most of us can really benefit from a good soak. I've been really strikingly less anxious since I started this. And from the very first soak, too. Kaylets, thoughts and prayers ramped up and on their way to you regularly. From what I've read, non-small cell has a better long-term prognosis than small cell. Please do remember to take care of your own sweet self. Anagram, happy belated! :hb: :balloons: I made a mental note to get in on the day but ... my notes on paper work so much better than those these days. "In focus for the millionth time" -- I hear ya, Sister! I woke up this morning feeling so positive and thought... "How do you just hang on to that?" I'm thinking keep it in mind and work on it? So sorry about your DS' trouble. Sending good career thoughts his way -- every time I send them towards my own DS :yes: WSW, I'm with Anagram -- you're just such an inspiration! How many times have I read about you being tempted to let it go but hanging tough by those dainty fingernails of yours? Enough that it's led you to striking success! And, you know, these last pounds are the ones that are the big reveal, closer and closer to goal. :yes: Kat, thanks so much for not deleting your post! It's so important for us all to be able to feel like we can come in here and bring whatever it is we've got, just share whatever that is rather than feeling like we need to always be up. That's a burden we don't need! And, in any case, having that message from someone that's lived through the absolute worst -- well, that's pretty powerful. More and more, I'm getting to a place where I understand there's no reason to wish anything was other than it is but just recognizing where I am and addressing that. Eydie, so lovely to see you stopping by more often! K, Lovelies, I started this a few hours ago and have picked away at it ever since. Shall sign off now... Have a blessed weekend! |
thanks, arabella, for saying that! :)
interesting about epsom salt baths. i definitely need to relax, and will give this a try. (have been on a long insomniac jag this week.) my grandmother used to swear by them, and so it doesn't surprise me at all about their healing and relaxing properties. "In focus for the millionth time" could be my theme song too! i wrote out some things i want to work on, and some items have been on-going for an awfully long time. the point is, though, it's always ok to keep starting over with renewed vim and vigor, and i love that life always keeps giving us more chances. i'm jewish, and this is the jewish new year, so for me, this time of year really is a time to re-assess and re-focus. well, arabella, i am with you regarding finding some things which will work better than others, and changing things up in order to achieve a more desired outcome. one thing i have on my list is to learn spanish. i have been trying this (not very successfully, sadly) for years, literally, and have not gotten too far. i am going to be more proactive, and take regular, consistent time to spend towards this end. ok, well, i am going to get out and take care of a few necessary errands. thinking of all of you lovely royals. take care, everyone. :) |
Aaannnnnd it's Monday!
216.8 (I'm going to start posting weight daily again. V. good for keeping me conscious.) Back from gym, did some extra walking, some yoga. I've been getting between 10k and 14k steps a day the last week or so. (Where's that "patting self on back" smiley?)
I didn't get everything done on the weekend that I would have liked to but did manage some things. Got a party planned for DGS' eighth and my sister's 49th, which we'll celebrate together on Friday. Got gifts bought. This is good because so often I'd be frantically trying to figure out what to get them the day of, with a couple dozen other things to do. :yes: Oooh and I bought two new tops -- one's a fooler hoodie in sage-y green and the other's a dressy, fitted deep red number with pin tucks (I think that's what you call them -- they look sort of like ruffles but they're flat). I think both are quite successful. Wearing my green one today and will wear the red tomorrow. WSW, I'm often struck by the knowledge that our elders had. How did they know all these things? It amazes me. Only now is science starting to catch up with a lot of it, explaining WHY these things are so effective. Kudos to the ancestors, I say! Kaylets, thoughts and prayers going to you and your family. :hug: My sister's actual birthday today and I'm going to take her to lunch so I'd best go get some work done. Have a great day, Royal Ones! :love: |
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