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andria-i am so sorry your mom got such terrible news. i am keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. this is definitely the place to come if you need to cry, scream, or whatever you need to do. we are all here for you. sending you lots of hugs. take good care of yourself.
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Mantra - Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm. I woke up this a.m. feeling quite stressed and there is no reason for it. None at all and I will continue telling myself that until I return to my recent and much appreciated relaxed state. Had a good chat w/doctor yesterday, wt showed only a lb up on his scale.
I've weighed in consistently (4 days out of 7) at 208.8, so I guess I've kept a little of the WHOOSH - I really think that was a freaky day or I did something wrong to get the lower weight. It was still nice to see it. I'm off the PoPC to see if I can regain some of my serenity. I think this is a perfect example of my theory that stress can become a habit after to many years of real stress and that I will need to continue conscious efforts. It's not like I have any MUSTS today. I even got GOOD news - the painters called and they plan to SHOW UP tomorrow. That's not CAUSING stress - it's more like RELIEF if it really happens. Good Thursday, lovely :queen:s. :belly: |
Yea though I walk through the valley of Thursday
212.
Stress seems to be a common theme in the Palace. To some extent, may be result of full moon coming on. However, I also got a notice from the good folks in the revenue dept. that, by their accounting, I still owe them almost four thousand dollars. They changed something in my return (which I don't understand and will have to find out about) and also charged me a whopping penalty, based on that extra amount, for filing late. We're not going to lose the farm or anything. And, at least so far, DH isn't freaking although that could change if it turns out I have to pay the whole thing. Nevertheless, I keep getting reminders from the universe about how petty that all is. People losing loved ones, their homes, their health. I need to really remember how extremely fortunate I am and, really, how well everything is going in my life. Anyway, just feeling sad. Maybe this is what I've been trying to fend off with extra feedings? Probably. So. Plan is just to feel it. I think I need to take some breaks from work to do some housework, because sitting at the computer is not helping a bit. Well, there's my plan for the day work, interspersed with housework. Anagram, girding loins for the fresh attack on the gates of Onederland. I might post a separate thread to help focus. WSW, how goes it? :queen:lies all, let's take this day that we've been given and make it work. |
have another stupid cold, and quite a few attendant "ms technical difficulties, " so hadn't been around for a while.
coughing a lot, and throat still pretty sore, so have been downing a lot of herbal tea, which i am doing at this moment. want to respond to everyone, but really tired. will be back to do that tomorrow, or very soon, anyway. i did want to mention one thing that really tickled me earlier this evening. i had just logged on to my computer, and was checking the weather in nairobi (where my friend is now on a business trip.) just as i was checking the time, weather in nairobi-which was the middle of the night there, my friend logged on to his instant messenger, saw that i was online and im'd me! it was was 3am his time, so naturally i was surprised to hear from him. of course, i was sorry that he was having trouble sleeping, but it was so nice to hear from him just then. i was really tired myself, and was actually on my way to bed, but thought i would just check my emails quickly, and he had the same idea at the same time on the other side of the world. it was a nice reminder about how good it feels to be on the same wavelength with the folks we care about and love, no matter how far away they might be. well, i really am on my way to bed now. thinking of you all, dear and wonderful royals, and that has put a big smile on my face. :) take care, everyone. nighty-night. |
Friday!
And yea, though I have still a shipload of work to do, I am happy.
Also despite 213 on the scale this a.m. I've had 2 good days but ate hummus & salad for lunch yesterday and brown rice spaghetti and salad for dinner. And both those things seem to give me temporary gains. WSW, isn't IM wonderful for that kind of thing! It's so exciting to have these impromptu visits with people that aren't close enough to see in person. I just got a Facebook notice that someone'd tagged me in a photo and saw a staff Christmas party from '94 with so many familiar faces. One a dear friend who died about 10 years ago. Brought a tear to my eye because I still miss him but it was good to feel that little reconnect. Sometimes, I love the Internet :love: Andria, how are you doing, Honey? :hug: Anagram, painters painting? Kat, yikes, your trip is coming right up! I do have to apply my nose to the grindstone but wanted to pop in and wish :queen:lies a good Friday. Let's take this day that we've been given and see what we can make of it. Love to all, in Palace or on Walkabout... |
Thank you all for your support!
I flew out Tuesday to see my mom, and I'm still at the hospital with her. It has been a really good choice on my part. I'll be heading back home tomorrow, and I'll give a much better update then. BTW, there is a wonderful meditation room just down the hall from here, and they have also built two beautiful garden areas for patients and their families. :) I'm taking advantage as I can. Andria |
arabella-hope your heavy workload today did not dampen your good spirits. the internet sure can be terrific at times. i found an old family friend by googling his name quite a few years back, and we have been emailing ever since. it was so neat to reconnect with him after such a long time. we had lived on the same block, and our dads had been friends and tennis partners.
andria- glad you were able to fly out and see your mom. have a safe trip back home. kaylets-i hope weather has been cooperating so that you and dh are able to bicycle more regularly. there have been a lot of electrical storms here too over the past couple of months. it's probably not any worse here than most summers, but it sure seems as though there have been more storms than usual, anyway. i liked the most recent thought of the day you posted. anagram-"stay calm" is a most helpful mantra indeed. hope you are feeling less stressed and more peaceful. i certainly understand what a huge toll constant stress can exact. hope your painter arrived, and all went well today. those recent outdoor concerts sounded like they must have been very pleasant. i don't know why i have been feeling so nostalgic lately, but i was remembering going to outdoor concerts as a child in minneapolis. in the summer, there were free outdoor concerts by the lake, which i fondly remember attending. kat-when do you leave for your trip? a very, very belated happy anniversary, by the way. ceara-hi. how are things going in your neck of the woods? i have continued with dainty portions and have been exercising as much as possible, a chest cold and various assorted technical difficulties notwithstanding, which i am pleased about. usually when i have a cold, i want to eat more, rather than less than my usual food plan allows (sadly.) ah well. the good news is i didn't give in to it. in the past almost 2 months, i have lost 11 pounds. i am trying to keep my eye on the prize, and not get bogged down with how far i still have to go. this is not always the easiest for me to accomplish, but a worthy goal nonetheless. i looked at some old journals today. i had found them when i was cleaning out some drawers, and i flipped through a few. it was kind of interesting seeing where i was in my life at different times. i had almost forgotten how many years i have been writing in a journal---actually on and off since i was in college. i haven't kept all of them, but found i had a lot more than i had realized. well, i have gone on long enough, and i need to hit the sack. take care, dear royals. have a good weekend. |
Happy Saturday, Queenies!
213. Salt and a late dinner the culprits this time. :rolleyes: I've had three good days in a row now. Nevertheless, I am going to have to start pushing harder to get things moving in the right direction. I'm thinking journaling food...
I had an odd morning yesterday. The work stuff was very pressing, and continues to be, technical issues (not mine) causing problems. It was the day of a big annual parade that goes right past my house and usually I invite family over for the parade and lunch afterwards. This year, because of the work stuff, I didn't invite people. Nevertheless, a lot of people showed up (not, thankfully, expecting lunch but there for the parade). However, DGS wasn't there because I hadn't arranged for it, nor was DS. And I found myself very tearful, missing the experience of that annual ritual... I had to mostly work through the parade anyway but went out to watch for a few minutes here and there and then would end up coming back into the house in tears. For some reason, the parade usually makes me tearful. I haven't really worked out why that is completely but this year was painful for me and I had to come to terms with the whole thing by purposefully letting it go and deciding that next year I'll have a big party on that day. It's something to do with celebrating being together, seeing the kids getting older, seeing changes in the family over the last year. I think something about the compactness of the event (no big build-up, like other occasions), the brevity and intensity. All seems like a metaphor for life, somehow. Anyway, this probably sounds like a big fuss over nothing much but it felt like more. And I felt better for feeling it all and getting through it. Whew. I seem to be going through some kind of emotional period. I expect it's healthy, though, and necessary. Hanging on... In some ways, I really feel like it's partially facing up to reality, growing up. I've had dreams that seem to indicate that's the case. I feel like I'm coming to terms with the necessity of suffering pain in this life, understanding that we often need to experience pain to learn and grow. I'm sure that I've spent too much of my life trying to avoid feeling pain. Funny how these things seem like revelations no matter how many times they recur. :rolleyes: WSW, what a lovely long note! :) I'm so sorry you've been hit with another stupid cold when you'd just barely recovered from the last one. Darned opportunistic bugs will hit you when you're down, for sure. Do you do Facebook? I've connected with a lot of people through it. I just love having that kind of casual connection possible, little glimpses into people's lives, being able to send people brief little communications, keep in touch. :queen:lies, all, let's make this a good one! |
What a day yesterday was! And maybe the prescient cause of my stress the day before?
Shortly after Thursday's post, I had a call from a neighbor saying she was ill (virus, according to dr's office) and could I pick up some things for her. Sure and I checked in through out the day including telling her in last call, I'd be happy to hear from her at any time throughout the night and would gladly take her to ER if necessary. I heard from her at 5:50 yesterday morning, took her to ER and she died at 5:20 last evening. All 115 pounds of her who walked her dog long distances every day and who is five years younger than I. So then there were the phone calls to neighbors (all her son came up with for me to do so far) and then the calls/visits again so far today. Her son is over at the house now and told me yesterday he'll stop by before he leaves again - hopefully to give me info on arrangements. And, yes, in the middle of all of this, the painters came and are still here but about to finish up. Strange how life does, as you say WN, find ways to keep us in perspective. So, while I read many things I want to respond to, I'm putting them on hold until I'm feeling a little less loopy. I thought I wasn't feeling/reacting in an expected way but realized this afternoon when people started calling to see how I'm doing that I'm in a bit of a shock/numbness and if I'm feeling loopy, it's ok. It is so wonderful, wsw, that you were able to hold fast and lose 11 pounds, Pauling perils and all. I'm hoping to hold at least semi-fast and not use all this as a food reason. Andria, so glad you were able to see Mom. So important and I'm sure a lot of past things are now trivial. This neighbor's one son has not spoken to her for years but I suspect one of the cars at the house now is his.............At least I hope he'll be there for his brother. I think I'm welcoming Mr. Full Moon and maybe with a leetle Scotch once painters leave and calls slow down............................ |
The Sunday Palace
213.8. Seemingly, continuing to edge upwards but something's gotta give. Four good days in a row. My eyes are puffy, so I guess I've got more water in me than I need. So, of course, I'm going to need to drink more of it today :shrug:
Just watching some of the Womens' Marathon here -- holy smokes, running the way they do and not an ounce of jiggle anywhere. :rolleyes: Not that I'd ever aspire to that but... I like to imagine what it would be like. Gosh, they're like cheetahs! We had incredible torrents of rain here last night. Just pouring -- I don't think I've ever seen the street with so much water in it. Today there's supposed to be some sunshine. We've been deprived, as I guess most us east coasters have been. Anagram, :hug: What an experience! How difficult for you but how wonderful that you could be there for your neighbour in her time of need. What a blessing. I bet that does explain your free-floating anxiety the day before, too. Must have been a little surreal having the painters there at the same time. Andria, how are you doing? WSW, 11 pounds in two months? How did I miss that? :balloons: Woo-hoo for you! :woohoo: Kaylets, hope stress is abating in your corner of the palace. Kat, you must be starting to prepare for your trip. Exciting! Well, I'm going to get me another :coffee: and then DH and I will be heading out for our big Sunday walk. Love to all! |
arabella and anagram-thanks for the support! :) those 11 pounds were very hard-fought indeed.
arabella- your perserverance will pay off soon, and the scale will reflect your royal effort in no time----- i just know it. i understand about feeling wistful, as you described when watching the parade the other day. it is so important to allow those feelings and not try to push them away. it is great that you were able to honor those sad feelings as they came up. not an easy task, by any means! hope you and dh enjoyed your sunday walk. anagram-i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your neighbor. it is good that you were able to help her out, as you did. it must have been a terrible shock for you. please be sweet and gentle with yourself. sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts. hi kat, andria, kaylets, ceara! not much energy so have had to lay low this weekend and try to knock out the rest of this cold. i watched some old movies, which i always enjoy, and listened to some good music while reading. i am wildly computer-challenged (very pitiful) , but i learned how to look up some songs i like on youtube, and was very proud of myself. i even saved a couple on my favorite website list. i know i must sound like i am still living in the 1800's, but for me, it was a pretty good accomplishment. :) well, royals, i must away, and stratighten up my messy abode. take care, all. |
Exhausted update
When I left Utah yesterday everything seemed like it was going well for my mother, but she had a huge downturn overnight, and she is back in the ICU again. This time she is bleeding internally and her liver is failing. They could go in and search for the causes, but that would be the third time she has been opened up this week. It also wouldn't be the last time this sort of thing would happen; the cancer has been very aggressive and is wreaking all sorts of havoc. My siblings and I decided that this would be the best time to ask the doctors to stop the extraordinary methods and only do things that will keep her comfortable. We just want her to be able to exit this world with some dignity instead of being drugged into a coma and breathing with a ventilator. It was a tough decision to make, because we all know our mom wanted to go out fighting tooth and nail. Today has been one of the hardest days of my life.
Andria |
Andria :hug: Bless you, Honey! I don't think that you and your siblings could have made any other decision. It would just be prolonging her suffering, the last thing that you want. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:
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Hugs to you, Andria. I also do not think there was really any other decision. I know it's is so difficult. I've had to do that several times and it was never easy even in those cases where that direction had been impessed on me many times. Plus just Friday I was with a young man who had to make that decision too. In that case, it probably would have made no real difference in time but would have inflicted more on the person involved for at least what few minutes she had left. Never, never easy.
207.8 this morning and, believe me, that's a real gift. No expecting to see it again tomorrow but Mr. Scale does his own thing sometimes. I needed the encouragement today. Lovely weather again today as was the whole weekend. Only an eye dr. appt and a funeral on the schedule for this week at this point so my plan is to continue my relaxing program and let the more complete cleanup after the painter just get done slowly and one little thing at a time. Found some spots I will need to touch base with painter about but I like the color and think once things are spiffied, I'll be glad about the whole thing (as vs. glad it's finally (almost) done ). :flow1: :flow2: :flow1: |
andria- sure sounds like the only decision you could have made, but that doesn't lessen how hard it must have been for you and your family. you are in my thoughts and prayers. try and take good care of yourself.
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