I have 2 Friday Funnies. The first one is for today, Halloween and the 2nd on is cute and I thought of Sef and the NH.
> Ten Reasons Why Trick Or Treating Is Better Than Sex
>
>
>
>
> 1. You are guaranteed to get at least a little
> something in the sack
> 2. If you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go
> at it again
> 3. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some
> 4. You do not have to compliment the person who
> gives you some
> 5. It is OK when the person you are with fantasizes
> that you are
> someone else because you are
> 6. Forty years from now you will still enjoy candy
> 7. If you do not get what you want, you can always
> go next door
> 8. It does not matter if the kids hear you moaning
> and groaning
> 9. There is less guilt the morning after
>
> And finally the number one reason that Trick of
> Treating is better than
> sex:
>
> 10. You can do the whole neighborhood.
>
At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad, I can't even see my coffee."
I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!" said another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
" I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.
" I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully "and thank God we can all still drive".
I know of you seniors like that. I'll be back to post in awhile.
Hope everyone is staying away from those sweets today.
I am going to kill one of my co-workers (and she even is a SB too). She brought in a bag of candy corn. It's my favorite candy. I asked her to please hide it from me. I can do this.
I got out our candy last night so it would be ready in case some little ones come before I get home. Didn't have any. Got a popcicle and stuck it in my mouth while I did it. I know I can resist tonight.
All the talk about pizza for tonight, made we want one so I am making a ww pizza for dinner. I had an extra crust in the freezer, so I hope it works.
Got in my 3 miles last night and some floor exercises. Down another pound today. My goal is to be at goal by Christmas. I need to work hard.
The board was slow last night.
Bob, when my married DD has children, I plan to pass the 25 days of Christmas to her and let her take it over. I have to come up with something else since they are gone from home. We also have a tradition, that St Nick brings their yearly ornament on Dec. 6. It is always a precious moment ornament too.
Country, cheese bisquits, Yum! why do you torture yourself that way. Hold on tight. Tell yourself they are yucky!
Monet, hope you are not cranky today. Did you find a costume?
Cheryl, cool costume! Good luck on the interview.
Teensy, I'm not ready for winter either. I just hate it. We are going to get firewood Sunday morning after church.It's not fun unloading it. Have fun with your DS.
Hope all your kiddos have fun tonight and are safe. All you SB, stay out of the candy. You can do it.
One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows._ Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost!_ What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
****************
Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have. ?
The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive."
The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative."_
The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells,
"Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"
***************
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...
Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
Why don't skeletons go out on the town?
Because they have no body to go out with...
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead end streets ...
What does daddy ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
How does a ghost go on holiday?
By scareplane...
What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...
What is a ghoul's favourite drink?
Slime juice ...
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A steak sandwich...
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...
What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
Wrap!!!!!
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
What's a monster's favorite bean?
A human bean.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.
Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.
Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he is always goblin his food
What does a ghost have on top of his ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Who was the famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.
Who was the famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes
Who was the famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart
Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Where do American werewolves live?
In Howllywood, California
Where do American goblins live?
In North and South Scarolina.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour-puss
Why was the skeleton frightened to cross the road?
Because he had no guts.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a bat.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.
Why did Dracula visit the doctor?
Because he was coffin.
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
Give him some screws.
What can't you give the headless horseman?
A headache.
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get a-head in life.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a party?
A boo-tie.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
When does a ghost have breakfast?
In the moaning.
What does Dracula drink at breakfast?
Coffin with scream and sugar.
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
What do they teach at Witches school?
Spelling.
Why does a witch ride a broom?
Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Just popping in for a minute, LAUREN is in the kitchen starting the pumpkin and needs some guidance. We're carving eyes on the pumpkin. Got the design off the web.
Will try to get on this afternoon though I'm not too sure I'll be able, MICHAEL is going to be doing SAT'S tomorrow morning and needs to study so I'll have to take a back seat.
Thanks everyone for all your good wishes--I finally seem to be feeling better this morning!
Yesterday didn't get any better--in fact got worse--by evening I couldn't keep anything on my stomach. Finally about 10:00 last night I was able to drink a cup of chicken bullion and keep it down. Lost 5 pounds between yesterday and today--the HARD way!
I'm getting ready to head to Birmingham in a few minutes, but I wanted to wish everyone a happy SF Halloween! In Auburn we celebrated Halloween last night (It's a football weekend and NOTHING interferes with football in Auburn). The city does this big even my church was participating in and I was supposed to take pictures. I should have called in sick, but I went--was there about 10 minutes when a great big wave of nausea washed over me and I gave the little kiddies a treat they didn't expect. I left my camera with a friend and went home and crawled into bed.
Jackie--When my oldest niece was little I bought her the book "A Story a day Until Christmas" she and her little sister both loved it and it has become a family tradition. My DM made them each an advent calender that they cherish. I know you will have a blast making Christmas traditions with your gradnkids--probably even more so that with your own children!
oops, I have to leave in less than an hour and I have to shower and pack--better get going!
Have a great Halloween everyone!
Susan
BOO!
ps--BOB, Belle LOVED the kitty chasing the mouse! Thanks!
My computer is really slow today, and keeps diconnecting me, so I am going to post & send, and then post & send again, so you should see two posts from me back to back.
No school today, so we are going to hang out here and get a few things done. I got most of the laundry done yesterday, got all 3 bathrooms cleaned, and dusted and cleaned our room, and changed our bedding to our flannel sheets (the nights are finally cooling off). Have Delaney's bedding washing now, and have to vacuum, dust and mop the rest of the house, and clean up the kitchen...the work is never done.
We are going to a friend of Britt's tonight to trick-or-treat. She was in preschool with her for two years before she started her new school this year. We get along great with her parents too, so it should be fun. We are going to order pizza, and I'll have a few treats, but then back on track until Thanksgiving.
Yellow: Thanks for the info on the cheesecake/mousse. It was good, but I was concerned about the consistency. I'll pass on the key lime recipe; not too fond of that flavor. Give me chocolate, caramel and nuts, and I'm happy!
green: I went out last year the day after Thanksgiving and waited in line 1 1/2 hours to get my digital camera (Retail $179) for $99. I'm glad I did it, as I love it, but I was too tired after that to go anywhere else. I'll look in the paper and see if there's anything worth standing in line for. I have a bad lower back, and standing on the concrete for a long time is torture. Did you say that Wal-Mart lets you in as early as 4 a.m., but you cannot pay until 6 a.m.? That might not be so bad. Good snacks are the lite cheese sticks, almonds, I like triscuit thin crisps with laughing cow light cheese, or lite cream cheese, and there is always fruit and veggies.
I'm gonna post this and then come right back before I lose it.
Nat
JackieO/Ashley: I hope you feel better soon...OUCH!! That does not sound like a fun procedure. I have a few little ones, but not sure if it's worth it.
Jack-K: 25 days of Christmas sounds like fun; I've seen those Avent calendars with the pockets, and I've thought about it, but haven't ever gotten one. We just find times to sneak in a candy cane, or a small gift. Last year I got a lot of those little Kelly Barbie dolls when they were on sale, and left those a few times. It is so hard to grow up and give up those traditions until you grow up and have your own children and can start them all over again. Rudolph always came by our house when we were little (my dad with a red cloth over a flashlight running around in an open field near our house). He always seemed to miss him, but we never wanted to figure it out. One year, he sprained his ankle out in that dark field. Last year when my parents came by on Chrsitmas Eve....when they left, they took with them a flashlight and red cloth, and Britt was able to see Rudolph out in the open field by our house, and Daddy was even here to see it, but Papa wasn't . You'll make your goal by Christmas; I'm sure of it.
Country: Did you eat any of those delicious biscuits??
Teensy: Our summer was toooooo looooong, and I want it to go away and stay away for a looooong time! Just think, you've lost 2 1/2 of those 40# bags in weight. Isn't that incredible. Every time, I pick up my dd, who weighs 27 pounds, it amazes me that I have lost that plus a few more. I am at a 30 pound loss. I was carrying her around and the extra weight on my body (my poor heart was having to work overtime).
Well everyone, I will probably jump on later this afternoon before we leave to check in.
Just wanted to pop in and say hi and happy Halloween to everybody today. Don't have time for much of anything. Got to take the cupcakes to school and hit the grocery store, figure out some dinner, then get the girls ready for trick or treating. The poor things are gonna freeze tonight! All week long they've been saying it should be in the 70's today, well while ago it changed to the 50's! I hate the weather people!
Ok, off to find something legal in this house to eat before heading out. I'll talk to y'all later.
Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!! Hope everybody has a sugar free celebration and will report staying on plan on Monday. If not, enjoy your candy anyway.....
Tonight I am planning to take my god daughter trick or treating. She is going as Cinderella, so I am very excited to see her in costume.
Nat- Have a great time trick or treating with your kids, and Congrats about the 30 pound loss. That is INCREDIBLE!!!
Susan- I hope you feel better soon. That stinks to lose 5 pounds that way. Have a good trip to Birmingham!!!
Deb- keeping Michael in my prayers for his SAT. That is extremely stressful.
JackK- STEP AWAY FROM THE CANDY CORN!!!!!!! You can do it!!!! I hope you have a nice halloween. What is this talk about you hoping to reach goal by Christmas. You already met your goal, Crazy woman. You don't need to lose anymore, IMHO...but whatever. If the people on these boards could see what you look like, they would be rolling their eyes like I am right now. (Just Joking)
Teensy- You should make your own workout video featuring you lifting the 40 pound bags of wood pellets. You could give the FIRM and Kathy Smith some competition. I could see you now, lifting the pellets as a biceps curl.
Cherylco- good luck on the job interview!!!
CountryMom- Your cheddar biscuits are making me so hungry as I nibble away on this disgusting Atkins bar. Have a good weekend with your kids!!
Thanks to everyone for tolerating my skintags drama. I appreciate the support from this board, no matter how insignificant the current crisis. You all make me feel like my accomplishments and concerns are important. Hello to Monet, Jecrites, Superdave, HeartMom, Fruit, BOB, YellowRose, Sef, chrisD, and everyone else. Have a good weekend!
Another beautiful day in NC...are you all getting tired of me saying that???TeeHee!
Teensybean asked me what curry tastes like. Since I can’t give her a good answer, I thought maybe someone else out there could help. I can say that it has a unique spicy taste and depending on which kind you buy, it can be mild or hot. There is a company in Seattle Washington that I order spices from call Worldspice and they have a number of different spices. Madras Curry contains coriander, cardamom, cumin, brown mustard, ginger, turmeric, black pepper and red chile. Monet: I have a good picture of the Tree House but I’m not sure where it is . I will try to take another with the digital but the stairs don’t show from the from, they are underneath. When Debbie was here, the kids made several comments about the stairs. Sometimes I don’t even notice the stairs, then again I really feel the burn coming up.
Pancho: I’m not fond of lime pies either but think I will use lemon. Yesterday, I made egg custard using agave and it was marvelous.
Debbie: Would you please go over information about frutose again? I thought there was just one type that we could legally use but I am not sure about which one.
Good morning everyone! I have been slacking big time on the boards. Its been a week since I posted. Someone (no mention of names) emailed me and told me I getter get back on these boards. Can anyone imagine who that could of been? lol
Anyway..its been a busy week. But i am down another 3 lbs. So that means I have 10 more lbs to my FIRST goal...and i need to do that by Christmas.
My aunt came by last night with treats for Dominic. So the candy has officially entered my house. She brought over a huge bag of candy bars etc. reeses are my weekness and there were a lot of them in there. So I stumbled upon a reeses that said INSIDE OUT. It was a reeses cup but the PB was on the outside and the chocolate on the inside. I couldnt resist. But I split it with my sister so I actually only had a bite of it. Wasnt as good as I thought it would be. Nothing beats a good old reeses PB cup!
Well I have barely skimmed the boards all week...so no replies really...just know that I am thinkin about you guys and good luck to everyone this weekend with candy! Im kinda scared for myself...lol I will try and post a pic of Dominic over the weekend or Monday. He is a little firefighter. Too cute! Well have a great weekend everyone!
Will work tonight, we get mostly fellow employees kids. Our patient's get a real kick out of the kids. Last year the nurses dressed up, but no one mentioned it this year. Guess we will all be nurses and doctor's.
Bought GS some candy, don't really know why, as he sees the dentist on a weekly basis right now.
Have some sugar free hershey's chocolate and some Auntie Anns' sugar free vanilla carmel(this carmel is to die for, if you ever get a chance try it, but I have only seen it at the gift shop at the hospital). All this just for me so I can try to stay away from the tootsie rolls. I chose to have some legal sb candy for tonight in the poll.
JackK & Debelli loved your friday funnies.
Pancho Several of our family members go shopping, each of us go to a different store, and get what everone wants from that store.
Thanks for the info on snacks. We have always been able to put specials in our baskets early in the am, but cannot check out until 6:00am, I checked with my DD in autstin, Tx. and she can do the same there.
YellowRose Okla. is nice today but a little windy, but is in the 70's. So guess you don't have all the good weather. Been keeping the windows open for the air,and to cut the electric bill. But is heck keeping up with the dust. Dusting is fast becomming a family affair. Can you tell me about agave. Looked it up on the site, saw you must buy it in large amounts, how long does a case last? Is the light or the dark best? or should one get a mixed case? How much does it take to equal a cup sugar? Does it keep it's sweetnes when heated? I have been using a crystal form of frutose, it is avaliable at the local health food store. Was told it was legal.
To all my sb friends have a HAPPY SAFE HALLOWEEN, AND DON'T LET THE SUGAR GOBBLINS GET TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Didn't mean to go MIA again. No excuse, just plain lazy and unmotivated.
I thought I will check in quickly today to wish everyone Happy Halloween. I don't care for candy so I am safe..right? lol. Nope! Dh called back earlier to tell me he is eating lunch with a friend today at one of my fav chinese restaurant. He asked, do you want me to bring you anything? I said, no and then we hunged up. The min I hunged up, the "general tso" chicken (my fav dish to eat when we were there) and kept calling my name. Within mins, I called him back. I said, bring me my fav chicken. So, that's my confession and cheat for today.
Oh, YellowRose, I am making curry beef today. All I can say about curry is, it has wonderful aroma, sooooo good. I grew up with curry and I love it!
I don't think I will be able to catch up on all the posts I have missed so I am going to start new. Hope that's okay. Talk to you all later.
This may be a repeat. If it is I'm sorry. It came in my email this morning and I laughed so hard I figured I would share. I'll be back to post more after I pull the muffins out of the oven.
TORTURE! And no Poncho...no biscuits for this gal.
Good Friday morning!
. You'll make your goal by Christmas; I'm sure of it.
Sorry, sorry, sorry
And no Poncho...no biscuits for this gal.
