HiedieHo All!!!!
Well, I have everything done except the vaccuming and the bathroom, they will keep until tomorrow.
I also did a couple of loads of wash for the kids. It was there in the basket. They don't like me to do it as they feel it's work for me. But DIL, came home at lunch time to get some meds for a headache that was starting and went back to work. So I thought she could use some rest over the weekend and did it! I'll probably get yelled at, but thanked too. I barbecued supper. And now I'm resting again.
MEL: They might fill the neighborhood pool as that can be used for a reservoir for fire fighting. Every little bit helps.
JACKK: I agree! We accept things that are happening to us and don't really notice them until we read something that makes us say "Oh Yeah"!
BETH: WTG!!! You are fabulous!!!
Okay, Funny Friday is almost over. I have way too much time on my hands while I'm resting, so can you stand two more?
Here goes!!
Men are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
"Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything."
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'"
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
"You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars."
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
"All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism."
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
"You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration."
Last one I promise!!!!
Ads in Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank You."
Fabric Softener: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
Cripes: My wife's from the Mid-west. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be, Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
Morning Differences: Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?' It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
Pregnancy: It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, 'Oh my god. He's kicking. Do you wanna feel it?' I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my god...give me your hand...It won't be long now..."
Grandma: My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen'. You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.
Prisons: Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.
Award Shows: Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Cleo Awards, a whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.
Phone-In-Polls: You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know". It costs 90 cents to call up and vote...They're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into Phone) I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say "I'm not in the mood."
Answering Machine: Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.' Beep."
"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love."
Okay, That's it!!!! Foodwise I did okay today. Take care, Shirley 
To watch over you and yours.
Saturday - you're my favorite!!
