South Beach Diet Fat Chicks on the Beach!

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Old 10-08-2003, 06:39 AM   #1  
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Default Forgiveness at the Beach DAILY Wednesday



FORGIVENESS

I think this can be a very hard thing to do. We hold on to things like a pacifier.

We need to keep these things close to us so that we have a reason for our failure.

We believe all the words that have ever been told to us from childhood and into adulthood.

Why do we allow this to happen?

In my case my sister repeated these words over and over for YEARS.

Fat and Ugly
Two belly
Tripple Belly
You will never amount to anything
TB from the 2 and 3 above

I believed her because she was my older sister.

I carried those words around in my psyche for most of my life.

One day I decided I had to do something about this.

She doesn't consider me her sister at all even to this day.....I have NO reason why.

I made the painful decision to DIVORCE her from my life. I wrote her a letter getting out all the things that brought me down, made me cry and made me feel so unimportant. I read it to my mom, and I let her decide what to do with the letter.
We never did send it. It was an outlet for me to bury my past.

As a young girl, I had a friend from the time I was 12 to now. I am 51 and she is still my friend. She never once said anything about my being fat, poor, wearing glasses etc. And I never said anything about her having Dolly Parton boobs, her not having but a mom, being less smart etc.

The point is, she sent me a picture of us when we were 15 and wrote on it.....Just where were you fat? This was just 2 years ago.

This impacted me and made me cry rivers of tears.

Where would I have been in my thinking if I could have seen what I really was like back then?

I really was not fat. I could have been saved all this torment from myself and my dieting woe's if I had turned off my sisters Negativity towards me.

Divorcing her from my life was the best thing that I have ever done for ME. I have had to come to grips with her not wanting me as a sister and I mourn what could have been. Only she knows the why. I have accepted this and forgiven her for all the hate, all the feelings that she incorporated into my daiily life and I have let go of MY feelings of hate towards her. It was like being reborn.

She is a wonderful friend to others, kind, considerate and would give you the shirt off her back and her last penny. She just doesn' make for a good sister.

FORGIVE someone today. Write a letter, face the person, tell a friend, BUT do it for YOU.

Let go and reap the newness that it brings into your life.


Marcie
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Old 10-08-2003, 06:49 AM   #2  
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Don't forget to PM your addies to those that you want to exchange cards with.

If you want mine PM me and I will share.

Have a great day.

Marcie
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Old 10-08-2003, 08:32 AM   #3  
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Today I will forgive myself. I am way harder on myself then others...Thanks Marcie for the reminder What a touching story.
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Old 10-08-2003, 08:49 AM   #4  
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Grandma Marcie, what a wonderful story. It is sad in a lot of ways, but marvelous because you did what you had to in order to get on with your life.

Forgiveness is such a difficult concept. Whenever I find myself holding on to old hurts I try and remind myself that whoever hurt me was probably doing the best they could at that time in their lives. I think most of the hurts inflicted aren't due to malice so much as thoughtlessness. But that doesn' make the hurt any less real, does it?

In some ways I am thankful for all the "slings and arrows" of my childhood as they have made me extremely careful of the messages I send my own children. I know from experience that words hurt as badly as blows, and that showing kindness costs nothing but reaps countless rewards.

Forgiving myself for my youthful indiscretions and mistakes has been difficult as well. Even more difficult than forgiving other people! But as I get older it becomes a bit easier, a bit less traumatic to admit that, yeah, I screwed up, but I was younger then. To realize that I was also doing the best that I knew how has been a healing experience for me.

I hope you can all reach into your heart and find a bit of forgiveness for someone in your life, past or present, who needs it! Especially if that someone is YOU!
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Old 10-08-2003, 09:30 AM   #5  
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Marcie, a very touching story indeed. I'm so sorry. You are a very gracious lady. It's difficult to "divorce" ourselves from family members because we feel bound to them. You were wise to cast her off. You are surrounded by people who love you, and those people are truly "family".
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Old 10-08-2003, 09:45 AM   #6  
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Marcie....

I am so proud of you for making the decision to forgive and

move on with your life with a positive attitude. I'm sure that was

not easy. I'm so sorry you had to grow up with those negative

feelings of hurt. You are loved by many! Hugs to you!!

Forgiveness is so healing for all of us.
~Sharon
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Old 10-08-2003, 10:16 AM   #7  
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What a great story, Marcie. To be able to forgive someone who was mean to you growing up is a good thing. It makes us feel a lot better inside knowing that we have lifted a burden off of our shoulders.
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Old 10-08-2003, 10:49 AM   #8  
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Hi y'all! I think sometimes figuring out that people were (or are) mean (and that what they say is not necessarily the truth!) is tough enough. to actually get to the point of forgiveness and separation is AMAZING to me! I hope to have that much strength!

Marcie, you are an amazing chickie! I'm sorry you had that experience. Sometimes people are mean because they are trying to make themselves feel better about themselves. I don't think they are always even aware that they choose a path that hurts others around them. Better to separate as you did. Wow!

Hope you're all having a positive day!
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Old 10-08-2003, 12:16 PM   #9  
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Marci,
What a powerful story. Families are such a funny thing....you may never know why your sister was so abusive to you, could have been that she was jealous of you....knowing your generousity as a person, your giving like you do unselfishly on this board, your amazing.

Families are funny. I live in California, and my entire family, expect my parents live here...the rest in New Jersey. When my father died this past February, not one of his family members came for the memorial services...not only that, but when I had him creamated I had his ashes split to scatter in NJ with them, they basically said it would be too upsetting for them to scatter them in NJ. They have not called me once since I stopped calling two weeks after he died.

I don't know why? I don't think that it has anything to do with me. My grandmother (his Mom) stays in touch and she wants to me come and visit with her, but I don't really want to see the rest of my family....I am so hurt....they even got bereavement pay, for a week ! and didn't bother to come out, his brother retired two months later, and no contact, no offer to come out and help me wrap up his things, my grandmother said "he took it very hard" yeah, tell me about it.

I will forgive them, but right now I am too hurt, too raw, and I really just miss my dad right now. My brother, who died in childbirth, left me an only child, my dad was my biggest fan, I was the love of his life, and to know that is gone is still too painful.

I will remember your story but I don't think that I am ready yet to forgive them.....but I will and I will remember your courage in your decision to take care of yourself....how awful for your Mom.....what an amazing woman she is....

thanks Marci

Happy Wednesday to all..
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Old 10-08-2003, 01:35 PM   #10  
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Thanks, Marcie, for such a thoughtful post. I guess that I have been very fortunate in my life. I can not readily think of anybody who has hurt me in the past, to the point of forgiveness. (except my 2nd hubby who I have already forgiven)

As Franny mentioned, I am the one who made some poor choices in the past, and forgiving oneself is very difficult to do. That is something that constantly is being worked on. When I was younger, what the heck was I thinking??

Well, I have started Phase 1 again, as I gained back a few pounds recently. So I will be coming here for support and guidance.

~~Sil
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Old 10-08-2003, 11:21 PM   #11  
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Marcie: You have found the secret to long and happy fulfilled life- forgivness. It lifts such a burden that we carry around for so long, and bitterness can truly effect our health.

I found I had to do that with my 1st Husband. He played around, was an alcoholic, and the last years of our marriage were miserable. But after the divorce, and all the thoughts of retribution etc. there finally came a time when I could forgive him the hurts, and even pray for him. I knew he had a 'tiger on his back' and couldn't let go. As you know, forgivness brings freedom. And I'm so glad that I did, as he died 3 years ago, with pulmonary fibrosis and cirrosis. Forgiveness brought a closure.
Thank you so much for sharing.

Why is it that so often we take over the bad things people say to us and keep the dialogue going. A sort of brain washing, i think,

Anyway than you so much for sharing that difficult time with us, and letting it inspire us all to get the junk out of our lives that is holding us back.

See you tomorrow. Lizzie
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Old 10-09-2003, 06:42 AM   #12  
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You all make me feel.....cared for.

This is a blessing in my life.

Thank you all.

MArcie
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