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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383
S/C/G: SW:394/310/180
Height: 5'6"
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For me, being disgusted with myself never helped, in fact it gave me an excuse to keep acting like the person I felt I was because of the binge (the disgusting, lazy, crazy, stupid, selfish idiot who had no control over her eating despite feeling like crap before, during, and after the binge).
I finally concluded that it isn't easy to help someone we're angry with, even when (and maybe especially when) the person is ourself.
So, I decided "this time" that self-recriminations would be off the table completely. If I started to hate, badger, berate, or torture myself, I would stand up to my internal bully and make her stop. I reminded myself that weight loss was damned difficult and that most people fail at it. That didn't mean I would fail, but it did mean that just "staying in the game" made me a winner, not a loser at weight loss).
My doctor actually gave me this idea. When I first started, I was losing incredibly slowly (I was practically an invalid so exercise consisted of taking my plate to the kitchen, or folding some towels, or washing dishes during a commercial... well at first I couldn't even make it through one whole commercial).
At the time, I was barely managing to lose 1 lb a month, so I complained to my doctor that I "should be losing at least 2 lbs a week like a normal person," and he scolded me, telling me that "normal" was losing nothing. Normal was losing a little, giving up and gaining more back.
He reminded me (even though I already knew) that almost 100% of people in my situation never lost ANY weight without weight loss surgery (and at least half of weight loss surgery patients gain it all back). Weight loss is HARD, and most people can't accomplish it. Even at 300 lbs, just losing the first 20 was an amazing accomplishment worth preserving. And my doctor knew what he was talking about because he struggled with his own weight (he's not morbidly obese like I am, but he's struggled with his weight and knows how hard it is to do, even if you succeed at everything else you try in life).
That doctor really changed my life. He made me see that weight loss is like running a big city marathon. We decide that we're failing, and must be nearly in last place because we see 5,000 people running ahead of us, failing to see the 25,000 who are running behind us, envying our success.
We're taught to define anything less than 1 lb per week as failure, even though most people don't accomplish even that one pound per month. We're taught to define success in a way that not even 1% are able to accomplish. We're taught to call anything slower than the top 5% as "slow weight loss." If most people don't acheive 1 lb a week, shouldn't 1 lb a week be considered dramatically, amazingly, super-sonicallly rapid weight loss.
Shouldn't doing better than 50% of people (hey you're above average) be considered rapid, amazing weight loss.
How can we define success in such a way that 95% of people who try fail. It doesn't make sense, but that's what we do with weight loss. If you're not perfect, you're less than dog doo.
I decided to stop trying to punish myself thin, and to start livng as if I was worth being loved and cared for. I decided to pamper myself thinner, by bringing the weight loss spa atmosphere to me.
When I stumbled, I didn't say "I deserve to be punished more," I said "How can I make this process more rewarding, more enjoyable, more fun?"
And I don't ever have to suffer again, which makes it much less tempting to "go off plan." I'm not dieting, I'm not punishing myself until I can't stand it anymore and binge just to have a little break from the pain of the weight loss. I eat amazing food (and focus on buying the best quality and flavors I can afford). I choose physical activity that I find fun and challenging.
And I praise my brains out, for every small accomplishment (I even resort to sticker charts, and charm bracelets earning a small $5 or cheaper bead for every lb of weight loss).... It not only works for 5 year olds, it works for me, and I'm not too proud to use my inner 5 year old to succeed.
It was hard to make the transition from berating myself to rewarding myself for every small acheivement. I felt I "deserved" to be punished for being so lazy, crazy, stupid, worthless..... and it felt "crazy" to tell myself that I wasn't any of those things and that I deserved wonderful things in my life at any weight. But once I got started, I realized that it is easier to help someone you love, respect, and feel proud of, especially when the someone is yourself.
I like me a whole lot better than I did when I was punishing myself, and I find that I live up to my expectations (just as I once lived down to them).
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