i'm ready to be done with this...
 

so last sunday i was working at my job getting ready to close in about a half hour when two men ran up to me and started yelling at me and demanding me to open my drawer. well at first I thought it was a joke but then i see the knives obviously i gave them all the money i had and didn't truly argue with them and told them to get the heck out of there. it was a very long night of dealing with the police, i wasn't hurt and i really didn't react that night to much of anything. it must have been the adrenaline, well i didn't sleep that night nor did i sleep the next few nights, monday morning i just didn't know what to think and didnt eat at all. tuesday was a little better ate some but not much.,..then i just kind of didn't care what i ate. i just didn't know how i was suppose to feel about the whole thing, i know they were not personally attacking me but just the store. i really fell of the wagon all week. and then friday was my birthday a few friends wanted to take me out so i said sure don't want to spend my birthday alone. well that was a bad choice i was very catious about everything and everyone. this weekend i ate a whole bag of cheetos and then felt horrible the next day. but i really need to get over this....i'm fine and everything is fine so i just needed to confess what i did. today has started out great im getting ready to go workout. and already have dinner and my snacks planned.
sorry this is so long but i just needed to vent or talk it out to people who don't know me. i have always been a very strong willed person nothing has ever truly scarred me and i have never let anything stop me, but this just made me re-think and think more of what could have happened that night.

im going to think positive and plan out the rest of the week to get back on track. thanks so much for listening.

Oh my goodness! How scary! I would be willing to bet that what you're feeling is totally normal. Does your work have any kind of counselor you could see?

Sorry to hear about what happened:hug:, you can do this, put the past behind you and look forward hun, hope you feel better xxx

Oh geez girlfriend :hug: You're going through post-traumatic stress. You definitely should talk to someone! It'll help!!!

Yeesh! I would've eaten a lot more than that after that ordeal! How are you feeling? You definately need someone to talk to. Best wishes, and don't beat yourself up!

This may be irrelevant, so if it is I apologize in advance.

When I go through painful or stressful moments (nothing so bad as the experience that you had though, that's why I say that it may be irrelevant) I feel that I have the RIGHT to be soothed and comforted. I feel like a child in distress. I feel that the world owes me some compensation for what has happened to me. And so I eat. Because food is my comfort of course.

I was thinking yesterday about the memoir of a woman I have read who had lost more than 100 pounds and now has taken a lot of it back. I realized that I felt life was unfair to her. She had tried soooo hard. She had been so good for such a long time. She had had so many traumatic experiences in her life that she had managed to overcome. Why did she have to put the weight back on?

And then it occurred to me that I was thinking like a child again. I expect that someone (possibly God) will say for me "She's been so good. She's tried so hard. She's had so many difficulties to overcome. She deserves something good, right? Let her be thin. Amen"

It's hard for me to accept that there is no benevolent Will to do the job for me. It seems than the weight loss battle is like University Entrance Exams. It doesn't matter how long you've studied and how diligent you've been. You can't write that on your piece of paper. You need to get a good mark. Otherwise you won't pass.

So, in order for me to pass I need to find ways other than food to comfort myself. Struggling with it though.

Again I apologize if my response is irrelevant, because I've never had to deal with anything so traumatic as your experience.

Niki