i have been arguing with myself about whether to say something or not.

i finished cooking dinner, i washed dishes, i read a magazine and it is still on my mind.

i love 3FC.

and i really really love this board specifically.

but it sure seems to me that there are a lot of unspoken rules or "supposed to be's".

twice in the past week someone has said something that one or more people didnt agree with. and instead of a discussion; it tunrs into a verbal war with spars back and forth.

the first one i didnt get to read everything the person who was "the target" (lack of better word) wrote so i cant judge what caused it. but to resort to name calling and labeling is not productive and to be honest...mean.

today the issue seemed to be "how" to say something.

who says what is the right way?

i work in customer service. i have to change how i say things about 30 times a day. sometimes due to language, sometimes due to culture, sometimes due to intelligence and sometimes? cause the person isnt listening or doesnt want to hear.

if i misunderstand what the person says or meant, i sure dont ask them why they didnt say it so i could understand. i apologize or not but move on from there now that i DO understand.

i dont even do south beach anymore but i read the board everyday cause i love the gossipy, sharing, caring and ACCEPTING tone.

lately it has more cantankerous.

just my opinion.

and i am sure i will get roasted for this but i had to say something.

I'm sorry, you're right. I'll be better.

I'm going to totally cop out and blame on hormones, lord knows they have been raging lately.

I honestly think that it stems from someone trying to give advice (at least in my case because I really care about the girls here) and I get frustrated when someone completely disregards whatever advice we give and just keeps making excuses....I do realize that it is their life and if they choose to make those excuses, so be it.

i agree with you completely.

it makes me CRAZY when i give advice (requested or not) and the person blows me off.

it isnt just you. and it isnt just here. i am seeing it EVERYWHERE. maybe the economy or phase of moon?

and you have a good heart and you really WANT to help.

that is obvious!

just so you know; i think pretty highly of you!

I would agree with that.

Also keep in mind that it's really hard to communicate via writing only. So much of how we communicate is aobut tone of voice or body language or facial expression - none of which you can experience here on the board.

I mean, I have a very dry sense of humor and often things that I *hear* in my head come out totally different when I write them out. I try to use smilies and so forth to indicate what my tone should be, but then I've also had people say that using a smiley at the end of a dry comment just looks sarcastic.

And sometimes things come across more *intense* sounding on the board than they are in real life. Honestly I rarely get upset or annoyed - and certainly not at something on a message board, but when you're discussing something back and forth with someone, a simple disagreement *can* sound like a fight - when it's really not.

And, finally, message boards go through phases. Sometimes they're more peaceful than others. I know most boards I belong to tend to have periods where everyone is edgy (a lot of times around the holidays or back to school time) and times when everyone is pretty laid back.

I feel the same way about the recent vocal wars that have been occurring in many of the threads. This is a place where everyone should "agree to disagree", without being condescending or sarcastic. We're here to support each other, and if we can't say something nice, we shouldn't say anything at all. Because we can't see other peoples' expressions or hear their tone of voice, many replies written with good intentions could be mistrued and hurt someone else's feelings.

I come to this board because I honestly love the women on it. Well....not in that way...but...you know. When Nessa and Ruth had to put their puppies down, I sobbed. My heart hurts when someone mentions something about their kids being sick or their SO's being mean. I wish I could hug schmoo because her DH is gone for so long...she's so strong...I'll never understand how a woman can be that strong. The girls make me laugh so hard and they will never understand just how wonderful they have been in times that have been really hard for me....someone always seems to say something that picks me back up out of the darkness and sets me back in reality.

aw man. the tears....I'm so effin' hormonal right now. My two year old is driving me nuts and my toenail polish is chippy...and I can't get to it! DH is monopolizing the TV and all I want to do is watch a chick flick and I think I'm scaring him because I'm sobbing all over the place. He did let me wipe my face on his shirt though...

oy.

zeffryn

it isnt just you!

please please know that.

and you are hormonal. i say tell your DH that you need your toes done and then a bubble bath. wait....other way around...

he gets the kid.


but i know you arent snarky as a rule.

Excellent thread, Mrs Dorson.

There is one thing I have to quote and comment about though. Please don't hate me, everyone.

Zeff.. I'm not disregarding your words (if I am being too presumptive by assuming that you meant me directly, I apologize in advance. I've learned today how often misunderstandings can occur on a written message board. But after the now-defunct thread, I kinda think that did mean me or maybe a combo of me and another user who a lot of people think makes excuses a lot. I don't want to say names.) In fact, I take so much of your advice into consideration which is insane because I've never met you before, but I respect a lot of your opinions. Ever since coming here, I've gotten great advice from you about budgeting, child development, among other stuff and I don't just say "Wow Zeff, great advice, thanks", I actually implement the advice that you give. But I'm not making excuses about BF.. or didn't intend to. Just stating the things I know about him personally. I read him the thread and the responses before it was closed and he was shocked that it took off in the manner that it did. He was oblivious. He said he didn't mean to do anything wrong. That's all beside the point now since the thread is done and over. I'm just saying, I don't disregard what you say- for the most part- but there are lines that shouldn't be crossed or assumptions that shouldn't be made. I know, I know.. I ask for it with the way that I complain and overdramatize and highlight only the bad stuff. Anyway, I seriously don't want to argue with anyone anymore and I'm not trying to start anything back up. I just thought I'd let it be known I hold you in high regard.

I just logged in here AFTER sending a message to a mod apologizing for my participation in the two threads mentioned, promising not to log in when I'm so tired, NOT that that is an excuse, my behaviour is NOT acceptable, period.

But like Zeff, I truly do care about the girls.

Please accept my apologies.

I wasn't referring to you, Mel. BTW, I'm really proud of you and BF for going back to school! Way to go!!

Thanks!

Loriann I'm with you. I care about the people here too. I know it's an online forum and none of us actually know eachother but since I basically talk to you guys on a daily basis, I'm interested in everyone's lives and wish the best for everyone. I get who is the subject matter now.. I'm not sure she means to do as she does, which is not an excuse for her, but I'm just trying to look at things from all angles. I think she may be oblivious.

Exactly! I know, personally, none of my posts were meant as attacks and I don't really get angry or annoyed at anyone on the boards. More then anything I think there have been a few more misunderstandings than usual.

I think I'm going to take a series of facial expression pictures - when I post to people, I'll be able to show them how I'm feeling....

I'll have a face, a face, a face, a face, a face...etc.