Cheating on special occasions
 

So my birthday is next month and I *really* want to make this cake that is SO bad but SOOOO good! And my baby sister is getting married in August and I don't want to spend the reception thinking about what is and isn't "approved" food (which will probably be nothing!). I know if I eat something healthy before the wedding, I'm still going to want to eat the dinner *at* the wedding and the cake anyway! What would you do?

Do you religiously stick to your diet through thick and thin? (Ha! No pun intended...really!)

Or do you plan to cheat on special occasions? And if you do cheat, how do you get back on track? Start Phase 1 again the day after the cheating? Or just go back to where you were the day before you cheated? I'll definitely still be in Phase 2 in July and will probably still be in Phase 2 in August.

Just curious. Thanks!

Kara

There is cheating and then there is CHEATING, I think if you allow yourself the right size portions of what you crave on those special occasions you should be fine, don't go crazy just because you know your not sticking completely to your diet that day. And then doing a couple days of phase 1 afterwards or stepping up your exercise should make up for it, but you know your body so if you think that cheating once is going to lead to cheating a lot it would be best to not do it at all. Good Luck!

If you absolutely have to cheat on your birthday, make the cake, have one tiny piece and send the rest of it away with your husband the next day.
At the wedding, if it is a sit down dinner,fill up on salad and eat the meat if it is lean and scrape off any buttery sauce if it is coated with something like that. Or just eat veggies/lean meat/fruit etc if it is a buffet. Or better yet, eat before you leave and spend the time at the reception talking. If you are coming home for the wedding, then you know every relative you have is going to also ask you over to eat while you are home, right?

I plan on eating at Thanksgiving dinner and at Christmas dinner..anything I want, just little bits of it, then go back to phase 1 if I gain. I'm sure there are going to be times for all of us when saying no will hurt someone's feelings (Like a Grandmother or aunt). I think I'd rather gain a pound, but that's just me. But only if it is a special elderly person... I wouldn't hurt an elderly relative's feeling for the world espcially if they went to a lot of trouble cooking something special for me.

But, it seems like every time I've gone out to eat since I've been doing SB that there was something on the menu that was ok.

On one hand, you are so close to your goal and that makes me want to say "Go for it!" and on the other hand, it makes me want to say "Don't deviate!"

We all know that in the most perfect of worlds, food would really just be food. But it isn't always, as it is part of our cultural, societal, familial and sensual expressions!

Do what feels right for you.

Ok not from my personal experience, but I have a friend who has lost and maintained a big amount for years and years. And he allows himself to eat anything he wants ONE meal per week (for him, dinner Friday night, and only in a one-hour time period, so he doesn't binge all night). This works for him.

I think planning ahead and knowing you plan to "cheat" you can definitely do it safely. You can make sure you don't overeat and you can make sure you are EXTRA "good" the days before and after your big cheats. :)

GREAT ideas! Thanks a lot!

I think I am going to plan to cheat, but I don't eat meat and I'm sure the entrees at the wedding will all be meat, so I'll probably end up with a steamed veggie plate anyway (seems to be my standard wedding fare!).

So it's extra special good until August (with a little piece of cake at the end of July!) and then extra special good until I get to that goal!!!

Kara

I cheat occasionally when with my extended family because it is EXTREMELY rude to deny food. However, I'm from a big, loud Jewish family which means copious amounts of bagels, blintzes, kugel, kasha varnishka, wine, potatoes, challah, organ meat, apples and honey, latkes, hamentashen, kreplach, matzo ball soup, etc depending on the holiday/time of year. It's very heavy on starches and almost all "Jewish food" is not allowed by SB! However, at least in my family and probably in most Jewish families, you are considered exceptionally rude and ungrateful if you do not clean your plate and ask for seconds! I remember before even starting SB, I went to my aunt's house for dinner and said no thank you to a second plate of food and did not finish my first heaping pile. My mom got a phone call that night asking what was wrong with me and why didn't she raise me to be more polite.

So, either I completely ignore my family, or I deal with it. "Diets" and "weight loss" have no meaning to them. They sometimes will try to make changes for me like getting whole wheat bagels and making sure there are extra veggies on my bagel and lox sandwiches, but they simply do not understand the concept of not eating refined grains as "it was good enough for me in the shtetl, it's good enough for you".

Your sister's wedding is a once-ever (one hopes) occasion. It's a reasonable time to not stress about what you're eating--have what's in front of you if you like it and you're hungry, then call it good and move on.

When the special occasion is the weekly meal with family, it's time to retrain the family or suck it up and let them think you're rude--they're adults, you're an adult, you'll all live. IMO.

Allie, I LOVE hamentaschen! Luckily, they don't make them in Korea!!! I actually have a recipe that I used when we were in California and I couldn't find any and I wanted to teach my son the story of Purim. Even more luckily, that's locked away in our storage unit in the States. And I *will not* look for it on-line, even though you've got me salivating!

Oh dear.

Thanks, though, for your post. Maria, you too. It put everything in perspective.

Kara

Well technically, I'm not an adult. I'm 19 which in most families would be delegated to the kid's table at Thanksgiving, but in my family you're not an adult until you're 30, married, and have a few kids. :P Honestly, you do not know what it is to be considered rude until you have the Jewish bubbehs and aunts clucking their tongues and wringing their hands on the biggest guilt trip known to man. It's a huge cultural thing and you just don't do it. Luckily it's not a weekly deal but more of a once a month/every other month to check up on me since I live 1000 miles away from my family for college. To deny food is the equivalent of walking into someone's house, saying their house is hideous and that they are grotesquely overweight. Possibly even considered worse than that. Not cleaning your plate is just as bad as spitting out your food at the table.

TomandKara- I go to a Jewish college so during Purim they passed out Hamentashen in the student centers, mail room, main paths to class, dorms.. EVERYWHERE! It was horrible. Not to mention my roommate's bubbeh and synagogue both shipped her a couple dozen when she was a few months post op from gastric bypass, so they were always in the room! I just shielded my eyes and ran away!

You know, Allie, we all have our challenges. I think your best plan of action here is to off-set the eating with family with extra exercise, or by knocking yourself down to Phase 1 after the family gatherings or something. I completely understand not wanting to offend family and how hard that can be. Could you bring a salad or another South Beach-approved food ("Look, I had this new recipe and wanted to share it!") and heap your plate with that, with the other things sparingly on top?

Just some ideas.

Kara

"Wedding season" has hit me pretty hard this year...It seems like everyone I know is getting married and I am such a cake hound!

I usually do a few days of Phase 1 before and after a big event, and up my water intake. I usually don't lose, but I don't gain either. I feel it's important to allow myself to have my cake and eat it too...otherwise I'll just obsess about it, go out and buy a whole cake and completely fall off the wagon!

Could your birthday treat be made into single-serving portions, and then the leftovers distributed to guests at the end? For my birthday this year, I did cupcakes instead of one big cake and sent everyone home with a few at the end of the party.

Good idea with the cupcakes, Betty! Thanks!

Kara

I eat what i want at special occasions. and I am jewish so i know what food you mean. Are you old country Jewish cause it sure sounds like it.

I have special occasions where I indulge:

my birthday
my anniversary/new years eve
thanksgiving
once in a lifetme events such as best friend's weddings but not say neighbors weddings
my kid's birthday but not my neighbor's kid's birthday (and only if it's homemade cake)
i relax a bit around bbqs... and other stuff

as for Jewish Mother guilt... i'm the worst I guilt my kids about having too much salt and sugar....