[why00why]

[size=10pt]rant/vent ahead I am so sorry 😭 but I need to write this down because I have been seriously looking at calories and trying to restrict for my health but it terrifies me to legitimate **** how much I would eat...!!!!!![/size]…because I would always eat very very large amounts like big pumpkins and entire oven trays of broccoli casserole etc but obviously I did not always eat safe food and low carb veggies I used to actually do this with high calories good food so I would eat awhole pack of oats (500g) or a loaf of bread and 2-3 packs of cheese and sausage and so on and then take another 2-4 sandwiches wich me for lunch and start eating them on the way to school etc so I would prob eat twice my TDEE in 1 hour after waking up...!!!

And when I could sleep in I woke up excited because not having to go to school means I could have infinite breakfast and I would go to the kitchen grab bags of oats, cereal etc and eat bowl after bowl I even had my own bowl in my room and I would take the milk cartons and stuff everything back to my room and I would empty that!!! I still remember my parents being annoyed or like surprised when they find things like milk suddenly empty because I would wake up early or wait until they sleep to raid the kitchen and most of our spoons were in my room etc and that did happen a lot that I would just take half the kitchen back into my room and eat and eat and eat so much there. So that is likely where I got real used to eating 2-3kg in a sitting.

And NOW it scares me how much I can eat I am just disgusted and shocked senseless by the calories!!! Even if I just have broccoli, even if I just have baby carrots. 10 packs of baby carrots at 250g each is still 2.5kg so over 700 calories!! I will just eat that. A carton of yoghurt is 12 cups i can also just eat it. Loooking back that was probably really bad and unhealthy and I am so ashamed that this was eating accordig to hunger to me like why would I just permanently urge like that or be happy when I was "allowed" to just eat and eat and eat etc like I know you are not supposed to do that 😭😭😭😭 I hate myself for doing this I am literally getting flash backs as me sitting on the floor mixing one bowl after the other and I know this is where it happened but I wasn't thinking or wanting anything like oh yeah I want to overeat and ruin my health I was really just eating like I was hungry and I wish I had known about calories etc back then or that you can’t just eat according to feeling and appetite !!!

Can anyone relate?? Wtf do I even do??? knowing this about yourself is so damn SCARY 😭😭