I started losing weight two years ago, with some success- I got 50 pounds down. Actually, I got 70 pounds down at my lowest. But in the past year that I've been trying to lose weight I ended up back in the same 50 pounds down spot- BMI of 35. I feel defeated. I know it's not safe for me or for my future child for me to be obese, but I feel like maybe I can't do it. I've been dieting for fifteen years and it has never stuck. If only two percent of people who lose substantial weight keep it off,what am I even doing here? I feel totally hopeless. I am on the verge of saying screw it and trying for a baby anyway because I feel almost certain that in a year I'll be in the exact same spot. If I've already read everything I can find on weight loss and tried so many different diets, what's going to change? Why should I expect different results from the same thing for the hundreth time?

Anyway I was just hoping someone had some hope or something new to try or something. What do you think? Probably the consensus is yes, lose 50 pounds first, but for the love of God HOW?

Which diets have you tried? What caused you to fail in the past? Did you follow the diets, and they didn't work? Or do you find it difficult to follow diets?

Here's some advice that might help:
If you have any junk food in your home, throw it out (all of it).
Don't starve yourself. You don't need to be hungry all the time to lose weight.
Eat a lot of vegetables. Eat enough protein. Eat enough healthy fats. Drink enough water.
Avoid all foods and drinks with added sugar (check the ingredients of everything you buy). If you want to eat something sweet, you can eat fresh fruit.
Avoid refined carbs (e.g. white bread, white rice). If you eat grains, eat whole grains. If you see "wheat flour" or "enriched wheat flour" in the ingredients, it's not whole wheat.
Avoid deep fried foods.

If you want to post a list of foods that you eat, I may be able to give suggestions of what to change.

I did keto for a few months, which worked well for a bit but ended in a frustrating plateau around Christmas. At the time I had also been working out for two hours five days a week and I just kind of burnt out and stopped going. My diet got a lot worse, too, which is where the regain came from.

Since then I've been generally counting calories, but I basically just keep eating too much. I think the quality of my diet has been slowly improving- I rarely eat non-fruit and vegetable carbs unless I'm eating out (which admittedly could be dropped from like twice a week) and when I do I avoid simple carbs pretty religiously because they make me feel kind of sick. I eat a lot of high bulk foods- yesterday I ate 1500 calories, including 5 servings of fruit and 5 servings of vegetables- and I try to keep my fat and protein up to stay full. I probably eat too much fruit- I might end up eating 6-10 servings of fruit a day. In general I think I just eat too much.

The problem is that I just don't feel like I have it in me to count calories any more. Over the last few months I've been tracking, but I rarely end up at a deficit at the end of the month week. I pretty much always lose it at night and eat a ton. I just decided to totally cut out alcohol a week ago so that may help.

Right now I'm not as fit as I have been, but I've been running 3 miles a few times a week. I want to start weights but I keep putting it off.

I feel like after I lost 70 pounds I was just so hungry and burnt out that I had no ability to resist temptation. I can say in my brain that what I need is lower calories, maybe another round of keto, and some weight training, but that is basically what I've been trying to do for the last 6 months and I just don't do it when push comes to shove.

You don't really need to count calories to lose weight. Healthy foods tend to be more filling, so if you eat a healthy and balanced diet, you'll be less likely to overeat, and (probably) won't be hungry.

Foods high in fiber and/or protein tend to be filling. Some examples of filling foods are vegetables, fruits, fish, eggs, chicken, beans, whole grains (e.g. quinoa, barley, oats, bulgur, amaranth).
Sweets and refined carbs are not filling, and easy to overeat.

When you say you "lose it" at night, do you mean you eat too much healthy food, or too much junk food?

Cutting out the alcohol will probably help.

What other foods do you eat besides vegetables and fruit?

Do you eat fresh fruit? Fresh fruit and frozen fruit are ok, but things like juice or sauce are less healthy. If the 5 servings of fruit are filling you up and preventing you from eating enough protein and fat, it might be too much. Have you counted how many grams of protein you eat each day? I'd suggest aiming for at least 90g protein per day. If you're looking for ideas of healthy fats to eat, some good sources of fat are avocado, nuts, olive oil, and chia seeds.

Why do you put off weight training? If you don't have time to go to the gym, you can try doing squats and pushups at home.

First of all,thank you for replying! I am feeling a lot calmer and decided to do 1 or 2 days of fasting per week, so hopefully I'll see some result from that.

The fruit and vegetables are mostly frozen, sometimes fresh.
I eat a fair amount of ground beef and fish and sometimes quinoa. When I overeat it's pretty much always healthy food because that's what I have at home. Most commonly, I just eat way too much at dinner time or get stressed out and try to calm down with whatever food is at hand. There's no particular reason not to go to the gym- I have a membership- I just haven't gotten a hang of the weight machines. I feel like I can either do a ton of reps or like one, and sometimes it hurts my joints which seems not right. Hopefully I can figure it out- I just need to power through feeling embarrassed about not knowing how they work for a while.

I guess I'll keep working on limiting calories and fasting. I do think that if I can maintain the right calories it will work, I just need to find a way to control hunger and stress better.

Is there a trainer at the gym who can teach you how to use the machines? If not, you can watch videos on Youtube to learn how to use each machine. If it still hurts your joints, maybe stop using the machine. Some machines are poorly designed and should be avoided.

Some exercises help more than others. I'd suggest focusing mainly on exercises that work large muscle groups (e.g. squat, bench press, pullup, overhead press, or whatever is the machine equivalent of these exercises). Exercises that only work 1 small muscle are less important.

To reduce the risk of injury, I'd suggest not working the same muscle 2 days in a row. I'd also suggest warming up before weightlifting. You can warm up by doing some reps with a lighter weight.

Working out for 2 hours 5 days a week can put a tremendous amount of stress on your body, which would cause it to produce cortisol. There are two hormones that tell your body to store fat- cortisol from stress, and insulin from carbs. That may be why you saw a stall when you were doing keto- you had the carbs under control, but you were stressing your body out by working out too much. But stalls just happen sometimes- consistency is the key. You will bust past a plateau eventually, if you're doing the right things.

I think that is maybe part of the stall- it also only started after I took plan B (kind of ironically I guess!) at which point my weight climbed and climbed and did not come back down. Oh well, lesson learned.

I read an interesting article about a study where women reduced belly fat after training in mindful eating and starting a mindfulness meditation program, with the researchers attributing the loss to reduction in cortisol, so I'm trying it! My life is kind of constantly stressful with no end in sight, but I'm starting therapy and trying to meditate more to keep it in check. . I feel like quitting drinking and doing a bit of fasting has gotten me far enough away from my bad coping mechanisms to have an inkling that this is not how it has to be, so I'm really hoping things start looking up.

I think it depends on the type of exercise. 2 hours of walking per day should be ok, but if it's something more intense, 2 hours is probably too much.

If you're doing 2 hours of cardio and no weightlifting, it'll cause you to lose muscle, which slows down your metabolism and makes it harder to burn fat (and also puts too much stress on your body, as EagleRiverDee said).

When you say 1 or 2 days of fasting per week, do you mean fasting the entire day? I don't think that's a very good idea.

Honey I know this is hard but do not loose hope. You are the one who not only can do this but you will do this. Let me break down EVERYTHING you need to know to loose the weight( it's good to do this before you try for a baby, it creates less stress but I'm sure you've been reading up on it) ANY WAY.

1. You need a calorie deficit. Find what your level of maintenance calories is and then subtract 200-500 cal

2. with that being said, you need to change off month to month from being in a deficit to then being in maintenance. This allows your body to not be in shock AND will keep you loosing fat more consistently in the long run. Think of a staircase going down and your current weight is at the top and your goal weight is at the bottom. Now to get there you have to alternate to make progress to reach your goal. Plateauing is not bad, its your bodies natural way of telling you it's scared to lose anything more. Just switch back to maintenance for a few weeks then go back to a deficit but ease your way into it.

3.You need to reach your protein goal as well as your daily calorie goal.Take your body weight, multiply it by .7-.9 and then you have the amount you need to shoot for on a daily basis. Over all try to meet your calorie goal and your protein goal each day.

4.Live 80/20. 80% of the time, eat healthy BUT FUN. 20 % of the time portion a little treat out and tell yourself that because you want this it does not mean you failed you are just enjoying something and it does not make you any less of a woman or ruin you by any means. IF YOU CONSTANTLY ARE SPLURGING THIS MIGHT BE YOUR ISSUE (THIS WAS ONCE MINE)

5. Your mindset is key. Have your goal in mind, and know you will get there, but do not put a time date on it because it will multiply your stress levels and increase your wait of failure. WHATEVER YOU DO JUST FOCOUS ON THE DAY. Focus on the meal you are eating now, focus on how you feel and changing your perspective on this journey. You are doing this for yourself, and to make this a successful journey you need to come to terms with this is going to be a lifestyle that you will be able to continue now for yourself ,and for you and your future with the children.

If you need anything and I mean absolutely anything please let me or anyone on this forum know. We are all here to help you.

PS the fastest way I get to feel better if I'm in a little slump, I turn on my favorite music and dance to a few of my favorite songs. It works like a charm. Drop everything and move beautiful, worry about nothing any more and just feel good in the moment.


xxxx

Thanks for your support, guys! You're reminding me why I joined this forum many years ago. It's great to see that it's the same positive community as always.

I was working out for two hours five days a week because I was trying to get the distance I could run up and I run SO slow. These days it's more like an hour 3 times a week, and I'm focusing a little more on speed. Hopefully someday I'll find a happy medium.

I have not had a lot of success in backing off and coming back to weight loss during plateaus so far, unfortunately- when I went back to keto after I still didn't lose anything. I did give up a heck of a lot quicker though, so that may be the culprit.

I've been reading up on fasting the past few days (on the grounds that I was in a "screw it I'll try anything" kind of mood) and I found some really exciting stuff. This blog has a ton of info and backs up a lot of its points with studies:https://idmprogram.com/fasting-a-history-part-i/

I just came off a 43 hour fast- I was aiming for 72, but I felt terrible, and since I've had some troubles with hypoglycemia in the past I bought a glucose monitor and checked it- 57, so I stopped fasting. From some googling it seems like you do need to work up to longer periods of time. I've been doing 24 hour fasting for a while as almost the norm (dinner to dinner) so I think I'm going to work on stretching it to 36 hours regularly and check my blood glucose if I feel weird plus before bed to make sure. If all goes well, I can continue stretching time between meals. What I was really excited about were studies linking fasting to improved glucose sensitivity, which should help my hypoglycemia (a prediabetic condition). Sometimes I think it helps just to feel like you have a new tool, any tool. Of course, I also want to get back to the gym- I can tell my running is suffering from my flabby wimp legs!

OK. You know that what you've been doing so far doesn't work for you, and it is clearly making you miserable. Being miserable is not good for you, it won't result in a stable lower weight, it's not good for your relationship, and it won't make you a good parent. Focus on being happy and settled.

From reading what you've written, here are a few things that stand out.

You tend to dive into extreme diets such as keto and fasting. It's rare for these to work for anyone, normally they just mess with people's heads and they end up regaining. They certainly don't seem to be working for you. They wouldn't work for me either, don't worry.

You are doing some exercise, and trying to do more. This is something you can build on. Be kind to yourself, though. Don't go the extremist route, do something more gentle. You need to be able to keep it up long term, and to be happy doing it.

You're giving up drinking. This is great. It is also huge, and more than enough to keep you busy at the moment!

I'd suggest that for the time being, you focus on not drinking, moderate exercise, and eating at maintenance level. If counting calories is freaking you out, don't do it. Try to find a way of living that is settled and happy. Cutting out alcohol and adding exercise will be really good for you all on their own, and likely result in weight loss anyway.

Meanwhile, an approach like Intuitive Eating may be good for you. Gradually making small changes to healthier foods, rather than fasting and things which get you into guilt cycles.

Best of luck with all of this, and above all, be gentle to yourself.

Hey there!

I know the struggle and the feeling of being defeated. But keep your chin up and know that you are beautiful! You have the support of a lot of these women on this forum!

YOU CAN DO IT!