Hello!
I used a weight loss forum a little while back and whilst I wasn't a particularly prolific user, I found the community to be incredibly supportive and welcoming. I'm not sure why I stopped using it, but the likelihood is that I became complacent in my weight loss, and eventually gave up altogether (the story of my life!)
So I'm back, a few years later, aged 22 and struggling more than ever to get my eating under control. Whilst I'm not currently at my highest weight, my self esteem is suffering more than it has ever been. Like many people that struggle with their weight, I have always been a yo-yo dieter. I've tried and had success with Slimming World, the basic principle of eating less and exercising more, I've tried shake diets, calorie counting, and whilst I was at university I went through a very unhealthy phase of completely starving myself, to the point that I felt physically weak, dizzy, and severely depressed on a daily basis. In that time I lost around 3 stone, of which I have regained two in the last year.
I have always had problems with poor body image and my relationship with food. I am someone who understands good nutrition and what constitutes a healthy diet. I love fruit and vegetables, I just make poor choices. I am most definitely a binge eater, and am astounded and sickened by the amounts of food I am able to consume within a day.
Today for example, I woke up, I felt lonely and anxious, so I had my breakfast, two slices of toast, a cup of tea, and a Drifter bar. A little later I went to the Post Office to post some parcels, on the way back I told myself I wouldn't go into the shop, but I couldn't stop myself. Within 20 minutes of getting home I had consumed two share size bags of crisps, six chocolate cake bars, and a can of sugary fizzy drink, I ate it so quickly it felt as though I had just blinked and it was gone. For dinner I had a portion of cottage pie and green beans, and I still felt as though I could eat more, I am very ashamed of that.
Since I was about 14 I have hated my body and the way I looked, I thought I would grow out of it, but I didn't. As the years went by, it only became worse, it has now got to the point that I can't leave the house without a full, thick face of make-up, I obsess for hours on end about what I am going to wear, often changing my outfit 4 or 5 times before leaving (all of my clothes are black), I avoid mirrors, and I stopped going out with friends altogether, I self harm. The three years I spent at university were full of ups and downs, I went to university at my absolute highest weight, and left at my lowest. Amazingly, I have been able to hold down a relationship with my boyfriend for over six years, although only just, our relationship has suffered severely at the hands of my depression and body issues, and when I say severely, I mean it has gone through **** and back, but I love him with all of my heart. I never addressed these problems or sought help for them until recently, and I am now taking medication for depression and have counselling lined up. I know that losing weight enables me to feel better about myself and therefore happier, and healthier in general, so that is a major reason that I need to take control again. But the most important thing is that I owe it to my boyfriend to be happy, because that's what our relationship really needs to get through right now.
I never really intended to pour my heart out this much about my mental health issues and personal life, but I guess it does make up a huge part of why I struggle to stick consistently to any diet, and it feels lovely to know that somebody out there may be reading it. Even if nobody gets this far through my post, it's very cathartic anyway.
I'm not really sure how I am going to approach weight loss this time, but I don't want to overthink it as I have done in the past. I guess I will just take the approach of listening to my body and eating when I am hungry, eating smaller portions, if I crave something, eating it, but in moderation, and substituting some meals with shakes (I have lots of leftover Shake That Weight sachets from a previous attempt).
I am 5ft11 and currently weighting in at around 13st 13lbs. My goal weight (for now) is around 11st, but I will most likely reevaluate this as I make some progress.
So that was my super long introduction, thank you to anyone that may have read this, I am really looking forward to becoming part of the community and supporting you all on your journeys!
I just have one question!
I absolutely love cooking and I am quite an experimental cook, I often adapt recipes, make meals completely from scratch, I spend a good portion of my day preparing and cooking food (I'm the type of person that will go to extreme lengths to make everything, including hand rolled pasta and bread!) I love writing, and I love taking photographs, so it would be great to have a place to share all of that - where would be the best place on 3fatchicks to post that kind of thing?
x
Unintentionally long intoduction (sorry!)
. After reading your post I think that you're on the right track by taking some steps to get yourself some help. I am a huge fan of professional help. I myself have been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for a while now and I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't. 
I'm feeling a little stressed at the moment as I've been getting lots of headaches and also I have a doctors appointment later on today to discuss my medication and depression, which always gets me a little anxious! 
I'm glad to see you've chosen a low-carb diet. After seeing the foods you binge on and turn to in times of stress, my first thought was that you have a carb sensitivity (addiction might be too strong of a word) and you need to be careful with carbs. The diet I'm on is not so much low carb (since I don't count carbs and have no idea how many I consume) as it is slow carb, meaning the types of carbs I eat are what matter. I avoid simple, quick-burning carbs, which tend to raise your blood sugar, making you feel good but then quickly drop your blood sugar even lower, making you crave even more quick carbs to get your blood sugar back up. I think your turning to carbs in times of stress is a way for you to try to feel better, and when you binge, it's because of the cravings that carb cycle creates. I think if you stick to complex carbs, proteins, and healthy fats, you're going to do just fine! Best of luck to you!
