I've been meaning to make an introduction post for quite a while, but every time I start I end up just... not. It seems like a daunting task to introduce myself and actually explain my story. So, I'll just start with Hi!
Hm. There is a lot to say, a LOT that has happened over the past couple years. I honestly can't tell it all, not without writing a book. Though I think I can sum it up in a couple sentences pretty well, "Life is weird, painful, and wonderful" and "Life goes on."
Weight... fat... food... it's been an issue my whole life. But I'd had it under control. I'd lost over 80 pounds, I was down to 140ish and maintaining easily. Even though I was struggling with Chronic Fatigue for years, I was managing it. Mostly. Even though I was still too hard on myself. I was still mean to myself and still needed to lose "10 more pounds" (or 20? maybe 25?)...
A meteor hit my life a little over a year ago. Though that is a misleading statement, since it implies I hadn't seen it coming. It was more like I spent years walking toward a cliff, waiting until I could finally step of the edge... but I spent so much time lamenting the walk that I didn't prepare enough for the fall. Everything changed, and in some ways I transcended, in others I simply flopped.
But the gist of it is, I'm about 50 pounds heavier... and
now I appreciate how not fat 140 was! I also have more of an understanding of how overly critical I can be of my appearance and progress, because I was just about as mean to myself then as I am now, and BOY would I love to be back in that body...
I need to reestablish healthy habits. I need to reestablish my ability to deal with my illness (which also means to
accept the limitations and work within them. I've done it before, I can do it again...) So here I am, hoping to find a place to get some inspiration, motivation, and perhaps a bit of commiseration while I try to break out of this little prison of bad habits I've build around myself.
Here we go again... and again...
