Hello all,

I've gained about 30 pounds in less than a year. I have had a lot of medical issues and I think that's largely responsible for my weight gain. Unfortunately, it has also made it very difficult to lose any of the weight.

I recently got out of a relationship that lacked any physical chemistry/intimacy. We were really just friends and our breakup was a long time coming. Honestly, the relationship did rattle my confidence. The day after we broke up someone from my past invited me on a romantic weekend away.

This is someone I've been wanting to reconnect with for several years and I'd love to go, the only issue...
when I dated him I was in amazing shape and did promotional work for a living. I literally got paid to spend time in a bikini. I was 115 at the time and very tan. Now I sit in an office all day and I'm just recovering from some major health bouts. I'm pale and 145 pounds. I can use some self tanner and get a hair cut, but I've definitely put on 30 pounds. I'm only 5'2 so that's a lot on my frame.

If you were in my situation, what would you do? I should also mention it wouldn't be easy for me to reconnect with this guy again as I have since moved from the city we both lived in.

go for it....do what it takes to lift your confidence (self tan etc) but really, if he only was interested in your skinny body, he's not a keeper anyhow...and if you ditch out on him, you'll always look back and wonder "what if..."

Is it necessary to warn him somehow? We aren't even facebook friends so he has absolutely no idea what I've been up to or what I look like right now. We just connected on LinkedIn and he messaged me and invited me to join him on a trip next week.

Personally, I think going out on a trip with this guy is really quick. Why not take a pass on it, and just start talking with him on emails, etc for a bit? Then do the whole photo sharing stage and if he's a keeper, he won't care. If not, then at least you didn't waste your money on a trip with him.

I'd go!! No one said things "have" to get intimate, let things play out naturally.

Life is too short for regrets, go with your instinct and as long as you take all the necessary precautions (i.e. feel safe with him, have the means to leave if/when you need to, etc.).

You never know, he could have come back into your life right now because it's meant to be. You said your previous relationship has been over for a while, this might just be the boost you need for your confidence, your heart, everything.

I hope you go and let us know how it goes. Most importantly, have fun!!

I agree. You just recently got out of a relationship and thinking about taking a trip with an ex-flame just smells a bit funky to me. I mean going on a date is fine, but on a trip? Hmm...

But on a side note it doesn't even matter that you've put on weight to anyone but YOU and shallow people. Don't worry about it too much, if you want to make a change and get back down to your old weight then you can do it!

This is a guy I dated pretty seriously a couple of years ago. I'd be comfortable spending a weekend with him. He was always willing to take things slowly and we had a lot in common. We live in different states now and he happens to be traveling to my state for business.

My more recent relationship really has been over for a long time. I've been extremely ill for two months and I didn't see the guy at all. He didn't send flowers or bring soup. In the months before that we weren't intimate. We tried, but the chemistry just never worked. We have a lot of mutual friends and we get along fine, but it really was a non-relationship. No hard feelings on either side, but I'm really happy to be free.

I know that some weight gain isn't the end of the world. I just didn't want to show up with some shocking gain and get my feelings hurt, but it looks like I'm going to pass on this trip. He'll be back in my area in a few weeks so hopefully I'll see him then.

I'd really love to get this weight off and I'm sure it will happen, but it's really been a struggle with my health this year. I eat a fairly healthy low-calorie diet, but I don't feel at all like the person I was a year ago. My thyroid is off and I've been on so many rounds of steroids this past year. I've been having some severe asthma attacks so I'm trying to get everything under control before I start a strenuous workout routine. My IBS has been flaring up also so I'm bloated and I have to watch what I eat. It's just been miserable! I've never felt this terrible before and it shows. It's more than just my weight, it's the way I carry myself. I feel sick so I don't put time into my hair or makeup or anything else.

Thank you! Yes, I just don't want to have regrets. I had very strong feelings for him in the past, but I think I played a little too hard to get. I always regretted losing contact with him. It doesn't look like this trip will work, I have some work conflicts. He'll be back in town soon though and I hope he gets in touch again.

Would you be comfortable getting into a potential long distance relationship?

If this guy really is a keeper then sure, he'll notice the weight gain, but it won't bother him in the slightest if he cares about you! It sounds like you've been through a lot with your illnesses and it has affected your emotions and as you said your appearance. Just try and take a breather, to realise that your life and your worth is not defined by your body or even your illnesses. Take a moment to find the good in your life and let that positive energy reflect on the outside - do something that will make you feel better. Whether it's taking a moment to exercise (even if it's yoga), or even putting on an outfit that you'll feel confident in. Just do anything that's going to make you feel happy! Because it sounds like one thing has led to another and everything is getting on top of you. So I would suggest a moment to unwind and really contemplate yourself. I know how hippy-ish this all sounds, but I've recently been through a huge life change and I know that just slowing down is really beneficial to my sanity!!

I wouldn't mind a long distance relationship in the short term. I have actually been looking at moving back to his area, regardless of any relationship with him. My friends are all back there and my health has suffered since leaving the state.

Great advice about working on my positive energy and taking a breather. I think I will sign up for a yoga class. I think I really need to work on looking and feeling more healthy. I made an appointment to get my hair cut this week and I'm going to try to soak up some sun today.

I felt really trapped in my last relationship, because it wasn't a relationship yet I wasn't free to meet anyone else. I kept trying to end things, but the guy was in denial and there would have been repercussions had I been more harsh. It was frustrating not to actually have the support of a relationship when I needed it. I feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm excited to get back to dating, but I think you're right that I need to get positive about myself first.