Fast forward to work. The kids I nanny for had made me gluten free banana bread with dark chocolate chips on top. This is exactly the sort of thing I CANNOT EAT because it will send me to crazy-town. I didn't want to hurt the kid's feelings, so I had a decent sized, but not huge, piece and told them what a great job they did making it, all the while thinking This is going to work great! With a HUGE breakfast under my belt, I'm not even hungry! Even if I crave sugar after this I won't have any room for it - I am amazing! This is so easy! I have everything under control.
HA.
Fast forward an hour or so and I am STARVING (and by starving, I mean exhausted and judgement impaired - I am totally not actually physically hungry at this point) . Kids are also hungry. I make kids chicken legs, carrots, blueberries, chips and salsa. I have one chip with salsa to 'tide me over' - again, HA. One chip with salsa quicky turns into 3-4 servings of chips with 3 bowls of salsa, plus three gluten free ginger cookies.
Okay, I think, I'm at like a billion calories for the day now, but I can totally STOP HERE even though I'm tired.
Then I pass the little corner market on the way home. I have no idea why I think I can walk in and stock up on frozen grassfed beef and walk out when I'm already binging, but I do think that and I go shopping. I pick up my healthy choices: the beef, some local cheese, a few apples for my husband's lunches - and then at the last second I throw on a local chocolate covered pretzel (HUGE - 12" long and covered in like 2" of chocolate and caramel) AND a serendipity ice cream cone dipped in chocolate (also HUGE - think of a 'drumstick' but county fair sized). I eat the giant pretzel before I've walked all the way home. I immediately start eating the ice cream cone but start to feel sick before I can finish. I know I've had way too much sugar.
SO THEN, my reaction is to balance that out with something salty. I grab some turkey pepperoni from the fridge and some smoked gouda and have at least 2 servings of the pepperoni with 4-5 slices of cheese. At this point I've eaten well over 4000 calories today. I literally had to hop on this forum and search for 'binge' to get myself to stop eating!


If anyone has any advice on how to not make HORRIBLE DECISIONS while sleep deprived, I'd love to hear it. In the mean time, I'm going to keep repeating Han Solo's advice to myself - don't get cocky, kid.
And obviously, I'm hopping right back on plan tomorrow. Ugh.



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