This has been my goal from day one and I promised myself I would not get sidetracked or complacent about it. Now is when I need the reminder.
Having lost a good chunk of weight, I do get compliments from folks. The compliments are either blatantly or silently implying -
You look good - considering how fat you used to be.
You look good - for having so many kids.
You look good - for your age.
You look good - well...just fill in the blank.
Right now, I look good with a caveat. However, my goal is to look good with no caveats. I want to look good by any standard! Will I get there? I don't know. All I do know, is that I don't want my halfway point success to make me lazy.
I WILL look good regardless of how much I used to weigh. I WILL look good regardless of the fact that I have had babies. I WILL look good regardless of how old I am. I WILL look good regardless of the state of the economy. I WILL look good regardless of the effects of global warming. I WILL look good - plain and simple!!!!
That is a great goal! I totally miss just looking good, I used to get so many compliments! That is going to be my new inspiration. Keep up the good work, looking good!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to take anything away from the compliments us "losers" are getting in the middle of our journeys! It tells us we are doing something right! However, I am keeping my eyes on the prize - the end-game results and not the half-time score.
This is a great goal (subjective though it may be) and I share it but never really figured out a way to express the idea without sounding whiny or ungrateful. You have, so thank you! And continued luck on your way to being caveat-free.
Just thinking aloud about this topic (it's an interesting one, for sure!):
Does anyone ever get a compliment without a caveat? Isn't the nature of a compliment a comparison of something else?
So you dress up for a night out with your DH/SO/BF..whatever. And they say "wow, you look great". Isn't the implication that you look great now, compared to how you looked earlier? or
You run into someone you haven't seen in a long time. And they say "wow, you look great". Again, the implication is you look great now, compared to how you looked the last time they saw you.
If the compliment is specific, like after a hair cut: "your hair looks great" compared to how it looked before you got it cut. or
"You look great for a mother of an 18 year old" implies he knows other mothers of 18 yo's who look older than you do.
I can't think of any category of people who would be given a compliment with implying a comparison of something else.
If not a comparison, how about an ulterior motive? Same scenario of going out. DH/SO/BF gives you a compliment "wow! you look great!". Does he want a little "roll in the hay" later?
"Your hair looks great". You're being "buttered up" for something they need. So your ego is being fed in order for someone else to get what they want from you.
Just food for thought I guess.
Guac: Try to take a compliment at face value. You've changed enough for someone to notice. Glory in it! You deserve it!!!
I'm not sure I entirely agree with you Moondance but I can't really pinpoint what it is that isn't jiving with me.
I suppose you're right in that the very nature of a compliment is drawing a comparison. I'm trying to think of situation where that wouldn't apply and I'm coming up blank.
I have a friend I compliment probably every time I see her. I can't help it; she always looks great! When I tell her she looks fabulous I don't mean it as a direct comparison to the last time I saw her like in your examples. The last time I saw her she looked equally as fabulous.
I suppose you could say that when I'm looking at her I'm comparing her to every other twenty-something I've ever known. So I guess the caveat there would be: you look great - for being a young woman? But that doesn't sting so it's not really the same thing as: you look great - for a fat chick/ former fat chick.
I don't know. Maybe it's about how broad a group you're being compared to? I'm just tossing ideas around here. In the end it probably doesn't really matter because whomever (or whenever) is being compared may be meant one way by the complimenter and heard in a completely different way by the complimentee. The easist way to deal with it is just to take it at face value. Still, I think it's fun to think about. Or over-analyze, as the case may be.
See I was just thinking - you reading the caveat into it. No one says, "you look good for being a mom". Ok, I have heard, "You look good for your age." But that can be said for anyone over the prime of their life no matter how fantastic they may look - better than most people in the prime of their life as far as beauty goes.
I think mostly we read the caveats into it - "WE" don't feel we look great, so we think up the caveat.
Maybe it's because I married the most honest person on the planet who won't give a compliment unless he means it 100%, but when he says "I look good." I take it to mean I look good period - with no caveats.
Of course, that doesn't mean I don't think I can't look better, but I probably will always feel I could look better - a bit more toned, a bit more well rested, without that blemish on my skin, with a bit more color/tan, etc.
See I was just thinking - you reading the caveat into it. No one says, "you look good for being a mom". Ok, I have heard, "You look good for your age." But that can be said for anyone over the prime of their life no matter how fantastic they may look - better than most people in the prime of their life as far as beauty goes.
I think mostly we read the caveats into it - "WE" don't feel we look great, so we think up the caveat.
Maybe it's because I married the most honest person on the planet who won't give a compliment unless he means it 100%, but when he says "I look good." I take it to mean I look good period - with no caveats.
Of course, that doesn't mean I don't think I can't look better, but I probably will always feel I could look better - a bit more toned, a bit more well rested, without that blemish on my skin, with a bit more color/tan, etc.
Thistle, I know what you mean. I seems like a compliment should be taken at face value...as a compliment. Say I meet a stranger on the street who is beautiful in her own right and we have absolutely no past history. I don't know anything about her, other than she looks good and I say so. That would be a compliment without a caveat. Except without the "less beautiful" people to compare her to, we wouldn't know she's beautiful. So while the comparison may not be intended as part of the compliment, the inference is still there.
I think Berry is right and that we add our own caveat to the compliment. If a guy says "wow, you look great", he may be comparing you to all the other women in the club and truly thinks you look great in comparison, but what you're hearing is "wow, you look great" for being the oldest (fattest, talllest, blondest, fill in the blank) women in the club.
You Look Good! No Caveats.
The easist way to deal with it is just to take it at face value. Still, I think it's fun to think about. Or over-analyze, as the case may be. 
