It has been 11 days since the last comment & a lifetime of feeling like this. As cliché as it sounds I hope the New Year brings me much joy.

The Comment that stung: 11 days ago I went over to my aunts house to give her a pedicure and manicure. As I walked into the door her friend was there (I have not seen her friend for the past 15 years. I believe I was about 8 the last time I saw her). She then begins to tell me how big I am. She did not say fat, she said big but I know what she meant. At one point in time she said to my aunt “look she’s bigger than the both of us”. I just stood there with an uncomfortable smile on my face because I felt awkward, and it caught me off guard. After that every chance I got, I began to look at myself in the mirror and question how fat I was. I knew I was big, but was I that big that she had to greet me like that. People say words don’t hurt but they really do.

As far as I can remember I have always been the ‘fat’ one. It was always an issue with my parents, family, and friends. I think this is what caused my anxiety. I am so used to people looking at my fat rather than me that I just feel like they are judging me. I feel small & insecure and I just want to burry myself and die. My mother is slim, my sister is pencil thin & then there is me. The fat one.

I remember as a child I used to hate being around people (especially family) because the issue would come up. I remember one summer (when I was about 11 or 12) I spent with my Dad. I got sick during my vacation and my step-mother took me to the doctor. During the visit the doctor weighted me. My step-mother went back and told everyone how much I weighted. I was so embarrassed. I also remember a comment from her that stuck to me that summer (And I think it’s the reason why I have issues with it comes to relationships). “You need to lose weight, guys don’t like fat girls”.

During my early teen years I isolated myself from my family and I would hardly go out. When family came over I would always pretend to be sick so I would not have to deal with their comments.

During my second year of university 4 years ago I began trying all these diets. The Atkinson/Low Carb, The Fat Smash, The Raw Diet. After reading tons of articles I came to the realization that diets do not work. One has to change their lifestyle or else the weight will come back as soon as you are off the diet.

I was determined to lose weight. I began tracking my food intake and exercising at least 5 times a week. I lost 40llbs and I was 4llbs away from my mid-goal. I felt good about myself & I gained some confidence. I was going out more. I think celebrating too early was my tragic downfall. I slowly began to forget my routine (I was not consistence & some of my old habits were coming back). And within 1.5 years I gained most of it back.

I am now 23 on my way to graduate school and I am sick of my fat holding me back from my full potential.

**I hope it doesn’t sound like I am ranting. I just had a lot to get off my chest.

I am glad you got it off your chest.
I think most people feel their words are just words. Some brush it off, some use them as motivation & some just let allow it to eat them up inside causing more damage.
But you make a choice to choose which route will benefit you in the long run.

You're not alone. This forum offers plenty of support and inspiration. You'll be surprised how many others are experiencing the same treatment.

I wish you much success! You can do it. You've already proven you can once before. Good luck girl.

just wanted to say: wellcome, so many of us here hear you and have been through similar situations with people! one of important steps in losing weight is to find a way of getting things off our chest and not use food for comfort, so you just go ahead and do it!

Thanks. I appreciate the comments.

Welcome to 3FC.

I know how you feel and I had a similar childhood It sucked! If you need support, I'm here and I understand what you're going through.

I'm 23 too and I finished up grad school in May. I wish you the best of luck in grad school! What are you going for?

@ Sontaikle I just finished reading your blog & I am so happy that you made it past your goal weight. Your story has inspired me.

I will be doing my graduate degree in urban development. What did you do your masters in?

I'm touched I could inspire

My Master's is in Childhood Education and Special Education.

Your post didn't sound like a rant. You have a lot on your chest. I've really found these forums to be very supportive. I'm 23 as well, going to graduate in the fall hopefully, and decided that it was time to take control of my body. My mother is overweight, and my grandmother is over weight, but I have 5 sisters and they are all stick thin. And while no one has ever been extremely rude about my weight to my face, I know it's talked about. Anyway, welcome, and I hope you find the support you need here. Good luck. =)

Thanks for the motivation & I wish you good luck as well!!