First off let me say I love this forum. The people here are so supportive and friendly, sometimes it feels like walking into a party where everyone is happy to see you. That being said I feel like the sketchy character at the back of the room that no one knows who invited.

Why?

Well I’m not watching calories. I’m not exercising. I’m not losing weight. In fact I haven’t really done anything to improve my health in the longest time, unless you count the occasional, “I probably shouldn’t eat this,” before popping something sugary in to my mouth. I have no motivation right now to change. Meanwhile everyone here is working so hard. Really, really hard. It’s inspirational and great to read, but I feel like I don’t deserve to be a part of it.

About a year ago I lost 50lbs. I felt great. Then I gained it all back plus more. I know I need to lose weight, and that it is actually starting to get waaaay out of hand. But I’m just so sick of the up and down up and down. I feel like I’ve been trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle and failing my entire life. I just want to be.

I feel so indifferent about my health. Stuck almost. How do I get out of this place?

Hey there =)

First of all, don't for one moment think that you're the sketchy character at the back of the room

There are plenty of stages of getting healthier, and sometimes whatever we happen to be doing at the moment is ... well.. it is what it is.

You might not care a whole ton about your health, but I know there are some pretty easy habits to add into your life that don't take a lot of thought, and don't even take a whole lot of extra effort. If nothing else they might help you take one step forward to where you'd like to be.

Water. This is an easy one. Maybe you drink a lot of juice or full calorie soda. Maybe switching to water on a regular basis is one easy way to cut out a whole bunch of sugar. And if you already drink water and avoid the sugary soda stuff, then aim to get in an extra glass a day.

Fruits & vegetables. You don't have to think of "replacing" what you currently eat with them, but rather simply aim to get a couple a day. Be it a snack. Or a serving at dinner. It doesn't have to be anything super formal, and it can be incredibly easy to say... "Gee, I'm feeling a little snacky. Oh! There's that apple in the fridge and those baby carrots. I'll start with those."

A walk. Nothing horribly long or strenuous, but even a 10 minute stroll around your neighborhood a couple times a week... or choosing to climb the stairs an extra time once a day can be a great habit to build up.

Those are just some starting suggestions, of course, nothing concrete.

You could always try to give yourself little goals with some rewards that match. You decide to cut out any fluids besides water for a month... and you end up with a few songs to download. Something in that realm.

ANY step forward is a step in the right direction. Even choosing to post on 3FC every couple of days or to read up on what's going on is getting yourself into a mindset where healthy habits are normal and doable.

No matter what you decide to do... you can do it.

I started in that place, and to some degree I was trying to prove myself wrong. I decided to make very small changes, and see what happens. I decided that I'd only make changes I was willing to commit to even if no change at all resulted in my weight.

There have been long stretches without progress, but I did prove myself wrong. I learned I didn't have to make huge changes, I only had to make permament ones. I wasn't ready or able to make large, permanent changes, so I only made small ones (and only received small results).

But the progress kept me going. I did prove myself wrong. I did not have to believe in myself or my ability to change, I just had to make the changes, and stick to them.

I started caring more, when I saw results. And the success gave me more to care about, and more to be willingness to try continued changes.

You don't have to feel strong and destined for success, you just have to make changes and stick with them, and keep making changes until you see results.

I think we tell people they have to be motivated and ready, and so people who don't feel particularly motivated or ready - don't even seriously think of permanently making changes. They think they're doomed to failure, so why even bother.

Imperfect motivation works. It doesn't work very fast. It's taken me 7 years to lose 95 lbs. If I hadn't been dragging my feet the whole way, I'd have lost more. But none of that matters nearly as much as the fact that I've never lost this much weight or for so long (my previous record was 70 lbs and about 2-3 years of effort).

Personally, I would never have had any success if I believed I didn't deserve it. I tried to "punish" off the weight most of my life - it never worked. I'd rebel as soon as I got sick of punishment.

I don't use diet and exercise to punish the bad me. I'm not bad, I'm just fat. Using diet and exercise to pamper the amazing me, works much, much better.

I agree that small changes can actually make a big difference and lead to even more motivation.

When I started my journey my only focus was to add in some exercise. Once I had that down I finally admitted to myself that I was addicted to sugar and cut that out. Then I noticed what a big difference it made in terms of my mood/exercise etc and it really motivated me to continue! At the beginning my motivation was pretty low but after I started seeing the side effects, wow, what a difference.

FWIW, my motivation also wanes and waxes. Some days I'm really gun-ho about weight loss, other days I'm just eh. However, I'm stubborn and don't want to have to do this journey again so I keep working at it. Just trying to get through each day at a time helps too.

I've been here so many times, I just stop caring. I even have had health care professionals question my credulity on the matter and had them refer me to therapists of course I seem "functional" to the therapists. I shower (most days) I wear makeup, I wear decent clothing. I smile and go through all the motions even when I'm in a "funk" I still make it to work, I'm still there for my friends. But thats it.

Trust me you deserve to be here as much as I do, we all do. I get that *I* don't feel like posting when I'm in a funk either. I mean its not very fun saying "So today I decided that it would be fun to eat like the people on the show 10,000 calories a day, and now I feel icky but i'll probably do it tomorrow" . Trust me, been there done that.

I'm not in a funk right now but I go through them, they're tough . Trust me, us in this section of the form, a lot of us probably have been in that place repeatedly. Your not an intruder, you're home.

I agree, welcome home.

I was where you are from 2004 to 2011. No debate about it I was in your shoes. In 2004 I lost 50 lbs - by 2011 saw me up 70 pounds.
So you are not alone.

I could not be bothered going through all that fuss and effort again, honestly it wan;t too bad being fat...

Then I had two visits to the hospital with a heart issue and it dawned on me - for the first time in my life - I am unhealthy - dangerously so.

SOOOO....All I started with was "OK try not to eat between meals". That's all, I still ate whatever I wanted at meals, including desserts, just made ONE change.
And I probaby stuck with that for 2 months - and then began to feel the pants are looser, so progressed a stage. Watch what you eat. I'm still there, thinking about adding exercise, still thinking more than doing....

But just start somewhere, give it a go, Kaplods as usual gives us terrific advice, you don't need to be the perfect carb counter/gym junky/work out queen, just replace one average habit with one good one.

Welcome - you've got some great advice already from the wisdom of these wonderful folks. I too knew I needed baby steps to start - so I said "no drive thru". Fast food was fine - but I had to get myself out of the car and go inside to get it - I knew I wouldn't do that (too embarrassing). Here I am four years later with no fast food.

Please join in on one of the weekly threads - look forward to seeing you more.

Everyone has been spot on with their experiences!

I even had weight loss surgery and am struggling. I have to stop thinking that I've failed that too. My first baby steps are no candy out of the work vending machine and no sugared sodas out of the vending machine. Almost as if in response to my determination, the vending company raised all prices by a quarter, including sodas!!

BTW, we have no sketchy characters lurking here. They are just folks that are shy and don't say a lot, but we know they are listening. Maybe something will be said just a little bit differently that triggers a change in you.

Hugs,
Ratkity

You keep coming to 3FC & reading all of these inspirational posts. You keep thinking about it & incorporating some of these great SMALL steps into your lifestyle.

Even if all you do is come here to read and post, you are doing something. You are changing your mindset to one of success, instead of failure.

Remember that you're not an uninvited guest, just like the rest of us, you're a guest of honor.

We've all been were you are now, and there are a lot of people here today who are currently also where you are (or aren't yet where you are).

The stages of change model shows that you're not even at step one - you're firmly in step 2, contemplation and you've got your foot in step 3, just by posting. See, that means you're already ahead of the game.

Here's the stages of change model, in a nutshell. Remember that not only are these steps what everyone goes through, most will go through them several times before mastering the change. When you realize that relapse is normal, you don't beat yourself up quite as badly as when you think you're just a loser doomed to fail.

Precontemplation Stage
During the precontemplation stage, patients do not even consider changing. They may be in denial that a problem exists, or feel that change is not neccesary. Or the person may have tried unsuccessfully so many times that they have given up.

Contemplation Stage
During the contemplation stage, the person is ambivalent about changing. Giving up an enjoyed behavior causes them to feel a sense of loss despite the perceived gain. During this stage, patients assess barriers (e.g., time, expense, hassle, fear, "I know I need to, but ...") as well as the benefits of change.

Preparation Stage
During the preparation stage, the person prepares to make a specific change. They may experiment with small changes as their determination to change increases. For example, sampling low-fat foods may be an experimentation with or a move toward greater dietary modification.

Action Stage

The person incorporates change into their lives.


Maintenance and Relapse Prevention
Maintenance and relapse prevention involve incorporating the new behavior "over the long haul." Discouragement over occasional "slips" may halt the change process and result in the patient giving up.


Most people find themselves "recycling" through the stages of change several times before the change becomes truly established


See - you're right where you need to be, and you'll move through the steps at the pace that you NEED, so comparing yourself poorly to others probably won't help you. Focus on the changes, not how well or poorly you think you're doing - because odds are there are as many people here behind you as ahead of you.

Thanks Kaplods for your learned and sage advice.

Hey I see you are under 300!!!!! WONDERFUL !!!!!! Come hang out in the Working to onederland thread in the 100 club - you would be most welcome, you are one of my most "looked for" posters about!!!!

Thanks! I am really psyched about finally getting into the 200's!

Wow, everyone's words really hit home. The idea to just start small seems so obvious and simple but I never really thought about it. So, yeah. The wisdom in this thread has seriously hit me hard and I am truly thankful for that!

I've always been one of the "all or nothing" kind of people. In the past when I've lost weight, I was able to break through that mentality and just take one day at a time. But now, stuck in this rut it has gone beyond all or nothing to not caring at all. Like MrsTee said "honestly it wasn't so bad being fat." That is the mindset I am in right now. It's not worth it.

But

you are right! I can take baby steps. In the past baby steps meant eating healthy, drinking water, exercising... it wasn't really a baby step. Where I am now though, I can see doing as suggested and start by drinking more water. I feel dehydrated all the time and I know I need to get that in check. seriously, how hard is it to drink water?

Thank you for your input. I genuinely have taken all of your comments to heart, and will be taking your advice.

Thanks again!

Have you tried to discover why you re-gained the 50 lbs that you mentioned that you lost earlier? Is there a pattern to losing and re-gaining your body weight? I find that keeping a daily journal of the ups and downs of my day helps me understand how I may have snacked more than the usual. I think journaling is very therapeutic. I also saw a fabulous male shrink for 3 years, and during that time I had been losing a ton of weight. I believe regular talk sessions with this Professional really helped me to get my life back on track, and re-structured, and conquer some anxiety issues regarding body image and anxiety too. But, unfortunately he retired from doing the 1 to 1 type of psychotherapy....So now I am maintaining my weight and still trying to be strong about not eating too much junk food, and exercise regularly, and keep busy at work, which seems to keep my weight at bay too.


Good Luck,
1Bluerose68

I love that this old thread has been dug out and brought to the front burner!
2fat2jump has lost 125 pounds since she wrote this.
I too felt like I wasn't trying hard enough to belong.
Maybe there is some truth to "Fake it till you make it."