Hello, Everyone.

I'm reluctant to post here becuase I truly feel like I'm just complaining. And I don't want to be a complainer...but I'm also not sure what else to do.

I am TERRIFIED of failing. In my mind, failure is the absolute worst possible thing that could happen to me. I'm not sure why or how I started thinking like this...but it's the truth. I beat myself up over even the tiniest posibble mistakes. Constructive criticism brings me to tears. Get the picture?

My weight has always been out of hand. But this past year I've gained about 80 pounds and everything in my life has gone from "okay" to "absolutely out of control."

Wishing thinking isn't an option anymore. I NEED to take control of my weight and my life NOW.

But here's the problem: I've never been committed to anything in my life. I've given up on just about everything I've ever tried because it was "too hard" or I "wasn't good enough." And I'm not just talking about weight loss either. Literally, ANYTHING I've ever tried, I've given up on. To the point where I feel like I have nothing.

I can't stick to a diet for longer than a day. No matter how committed I start off- there's a voice in my head that tells me to quit, that'll I'll never accomplish anything, that trying isn't even worth it. And I believe that voice, because it's all I've ever known.

I think, rather- I know this all comes back to my fear of failure. What if I can't change? What if I CANT change...but I'm still just as miserable as I am now once I reach my goal? I know that I have nothing to lose by trying...but somehow that isn't enough to motivate me.

Lately I've been in such a habit of sleeping/eating/and doing nothing that I've given up what little life I had. I hardly ever leave the house, I give my friends lame excuses as to why I can't go out, I even lie about attending Weight Watchers meetings so my friends won't know what a failure I am.

Really...I just don't know what to do....

Hi there =)

Because you mention not just food, but giving up on everything, I'm first going to suggest maybe speaking to a therapist about those behaviors. Someone who might be able to help you change that mindset one-on-one.

Now onto weight specific... and not necessarily weigh specific thoughts...

My first suggestion to you about weight loss would be to pick one habit you'd like to be doing.

I'm going to use an example, not that you'd necessarily pick it, but just to illustrate the point.

Perhaps your goal is regularly walk for 30 minutes a day.

This is a rather lofty goal to start with. Going from nothing all the way up to walking for 30 minutes a day is a good way to get burnt out. Not to mention if you "only" walk for 15 minutes one of the days you'd be setting yourself up for negative talk.

Split up whatever goal you have in mind into manageable goals. Goals so perfectly sized that it's impossible to fail.

Promise yourself to walk for 5 minutes on one day. Then praise every step.

I first lost over 100 pounds, and ended up gaining most of it back through a series of very poor decisions. I started over feeling the weight of the entire situation (no pun intended...okay pun intended a little bit). Not only did I have to lose 100 pounds... AGAIN, but I had to start from square one.

That meant small goals. Small steps. I almost didn't feel like I deserved praise for things I "should've" been doing in the first place. But, if I'd kept that attitude I certainly wouldn't be here now.

Countering negative with positive. One way to put negative thoughts in their place is to ACTIVELY prove them wrong. Catch a negative thought "Why should I start? I'm just going to fail anyways." and counter it with reality "That's false. I don't know what's going to happen, and I'll never know unless I try."

Every time any negative thought begins "I only walked 5 minutes, but I planned for 10 minutes... I should just give up, I can't do this." Pause it, and actively counter "That's false. I DID walk 5 minutes. And 5 minutes is more than the NOTHING I'd be doing if I quit. I can do this. I just showed that I CAN walk 5 minutes."

Along with that, adding praise to absolutely any and every healthy activity. "I chose an apple and some string cheese for a snack. That's a healthy choice, and I deserve to feel good about it." Or "I took the stairs instead of taking the elevator. I deserve a pat on the back."

Along with that... is failure really worse than not trying?

This past weekend I had one day where I skipped my exercise, and another day where I ate more (WW) Points than I should've.

But, where would I be a year from now if I let some mistakes cause me to just give up? I'd gain back the 40+ pounds I lost AND THEN SOME.

I DID fail once. I'd lost 100 pounds and gained it back! And I'm going to say, I'm grateful for having lost it. I'm grateful for the chance to lose it again. I'm grateful for every opportunity to take that risk, because I will NEVER make it to goal if I never try.

Staying at 331 (my high weight) pounds is not the worst failure. Gaining it back is not the worst failure. Failing to try at all is the worst failure.

There's a member with a signature around here that reads "Failure is an event, it is never a person."

After all, humans wouldn't have the light bulb if Thomas Edison hadn't failed 100 times before succeeding.

Sorry, I seem to have gotten all ...rambly.

You may not think you can, but I think you can. Everyone here thinks you can.

There are many nice things about weight loss, but one of the nicest is that isn't a one time shot. The only way to fail at weight loss is to give up.

With weight loss, you get a chance to eat right and take care of yourself, every eating opportunity. That's three times a day, at least!

It's not like a test you take and it's pass/fail, boom you're done. It's a lifetime of chances.

This is exceptionally brilliant because you don't know what works until you do it. If it doesn't work, change it. What works for one person, may not work for you. What works for you, may not work for anyone else. How can you possibly fail when you don't even know what it takes to succeed on day 1?

For my weight loss, I changed, tweaked, refined, adjusted the whole time, and still do, even now in maintenance.

There is no failing! There is just living - making the best choices, as much as you can.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." - Robert F. Kennedy

You can do it, just stick with it, kiddo.

Don't believe that voice in your head, because it's wrong. You can do it. I'm saying that, and I'm not the inspirational type at all. Just do it. Screw the voice.

It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.

I was never committed, either, and never had any desire to diet whatsoever. I liked the results I could get from dieting, but have never been able to do it. Because of that, I went to livestrong.com and plugged in my weight, height and activity level, and it told me how many calories I should eat per day in order to lose 2 pounds/week. So, I don't diet. I track my calories on livestrong.com and I LOVE their iphone app as well. LOVE!

So, I catalog everything I eat on livestrong and I log all of my exercise as well. I've only been doing it since 8/22 and have already lost 13 pounds. I realize that isn't the kind of result everyone will see, but I'm definitely eating much more carefully, drinking way more water, and getting more fiber and healthy stuff. If you're having trouble, I really think it's worth a try since it makes calorie counting so simple.

I think many many many of us here have been where you are.

"Failure" - what is that? Is it setting a goal and then not acheiving it?

So maybe your goals need to be smaller, more achievable. I think we are all saying that in different ways.....

My first "goal" when I try to start a "diet" is just don't eat between this meal and the next. I don't stress about what I eat until I have conquered that. And start to feel I CAN acheive some good for myself...

Then I move up the ladder a bit, and slowly but surely work into a better way of living. That often takes weeks or months...

What I am saying is I start with something I think I CAN acheive. It's only small, and only lasts 3 or 4 or 5 hours until the next meal. Then I start the next day.


What do you think you could acheive?

That's a wicked good point. At first, Livestrong was telling me that I needed to be at 1600 calories, and I was having a **** of a time staying at or under goal, but it's barely been three weeks and as long as I don't snack on crazy stuff between meals and don't load up on carbs, then I'm completely fine. Make a small adjustment at a time, and it should make it a lot easier on you.

I've been where you are. I lived there for about two years. Why? Because I failed the last time I attempted weight loss. Got down to 250. Got comfy in my new body and let a few healthy habits slip. Was put on new medication that had weight gain side effects that I wasn't aware of and rather than push through it, I gave up and put on almost 100 pounds. So yeah, that fear of failure sidelined me from living the life I wanted to live for a while.
I finally got to the point where I said no more. Like the others have said the only true failure is to not try at all. I live my life day by day. Meal by meal. I do plan my meals, plan my exercise and I struggle all the time but it's so worth it to me.

Lovely—Thank you for posting that because that's how I've been feeling about losing weight this time. I haven't been celebrating my accomplishments on the way down. It's been a silent woohoo because I haven't felt worthy since these are the pounds I put back on but that stops now!

I've spent a good part of my life as a quitter too. And I have often quit before I even got started. But I understand now that it's ok to fail, even over and over again. And I can even make progress that way. I like this quote from the western writer Louis L'Amour: "Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more."

(Also, you can read about what you described -- giving up on everything so easily -- in the discussion on "learned helplessness" in the book "Learned Optimism.")

You can do this.

I am in no position to give advice as I too have failed so far at loosing weight but I really think you should see a doctor it sounds like you are suffering from some depression and maybe an antidepressent can help.
It is hard to see the little things when the big picture seems soo bad.I too have kept myself isolated from people,self loathed figured why bother couldn't see the good in anything then my life changed on December 2nd /10. my only sister was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver on her way to the mall with my daughter in the passenger seat.My daughter suffered minor fractures in her spine .Your are not suppose to die at 30 before your life has even begun.Life truly is a gift.
I am doing this for myself but also for her.I want to live the life she never got to live and If I don't loose weight I will be slowly killing myself.
Look at the goal pics and progress pics on here.They truly are motivating sometimes I have to look at them 2-3 times a day.IT CAN BE DONE AND U ARE WORTH IT!

I believe in the power of you