I've been losing weight for five months now. I'm only 4.5lbs from my goal weight. I can wear nice clothes and I feel fitter than I've ever done before - so, I should be happy, right?

Actually, no, and I've just realised why. It's because I used to stuff my feelings down with food, and now that I'm eating clean(er) and keeping track of my calories, I haven't been able to comfort eat any more. So all those nasty feelings that I was repressing are now bubbling up to the surface to say hello.

Mainly, it's dissatisfaction with my job. My boss is a strange combination of 'control freak' and 'neglectful'. He plays mind games and, if I ever complain about the way he treats me, he puts all the blame back on me. Now, I'm prepared to take on some of the blame for a relationship that doesn't work, but he wants me to take ALL of it because he never does anything wrong.

Just lately, I've been feeling like there's a big black cloud following me down the office corridors. I feel trapped and want to get away. In the past, I knew that I was unhappy about my job, but I could always make that feeling go away by waving a bar of chocolate at it. I had no idea that I actually felt this bad! It makes me feel scared and kind of angry that I've been living in denial for all these years (I've been in this job 10 years and my boss has been here for the past 5).

Fortunately, I haven't started to comfort eat again, although there have been a couple of times when I've been tempted. My desire to reach my goal always kept me going. But now I'm so close to goal, I'm worried because I might not have the same focus in the future.

In the current climate, it isn't so easy to find another job. I've always worked in local government and councils in the UK are all cutting back on recruitment. Ideally, I'd love to retrain and buy a diet and fitness franchise from the club I belong to, but I can't afford it. For various reasons, I can't even afford the 30% deposit that I'd need in order to get a bank loan for the remaining 70%. so, I feel stuck and don't know what to do about it. I also don't know what to do with these feelings. I don't want to stay in this job for years, feeling more and more frustrated and angry, but I can't think of an alternative right now. I can't get out and I can't make things better here without rolling over and becoming the little doormat that my boss wants me to be. (I should point out that it's not just my imagination - he's upset other people and made some of the women in my office cry, including me.)

Help! How do I deal with these feelings without being able to act on them or stuffing them away with chocolate again?

It sounds like you need to find a way to make your time at work better. You mentioned that you've tried addressing it with your boss, to no avail. At this point I would suggest that you reach out to someone in HR to let them know you are concerned with the way you are treated in the workplace, and that you've already made an effort to work this out with your boss on your own. Be sure to have some solid examples of unacceptable treatment of yourself to share with them. The incidences with other people might be investigated, but they can only speak with you about your own experiences.

In the meantime, can you put a small amount of money away each week to keep your dream of owning your own business alive? Even if it's $10 a week, it will add up eventually. Any chance you'd take a part time job (maybe even at the gym you want to franchise) to save the money you need to start up?

I don't have any advice, but I did want to say that you're not alone! Ever since I've stopped binging (it's been over a year!) I am way more emotional about things. I feel more, and it's horrible!

Not at all sure how to deal with it--I do see a therapist, which helps. I think that people assume that dropping the weight will solve all of the problems in their life--but in reality, as you point out, it just reveals that there are even more problems that we weren't actually addressing! It's a dirty trick!

Good luck!

You know what? I think recognizing this pattern is a HUGE step! It is sometimes so mindless to get into the feel ****ty, eat chocolate cycle that we don't even realize we're in it until the wrapper is crunched up into a ball on the coffee table . When you're aware of it, you can do things to change it. I think finding other outlets (like posting here ) is a much more constructive approach!

If you're job is making you miserable, that's important to be aware of too! I just posted in another thread about how I have SO been there! If you can't get a different job, do what you can to make your job work for now. You're lucky in that you know what your dream is! A lot of people know they're unhappy, but don't know what they really want. Figure out what you need to do to start working toward making your dream a reality. Do your research, find people who can help you, read about people who have been successful in that field, maybe talk to the person who owns your gym- pick their brain about how they got started. I'm usually not a huge fan of means-to-an-end living, but maybe your current job is just a stepping stone to helping you invest in that gym! Having something to work towards that matters to me always does wonders toward keeping me focused!

I don't have a lot of advice, as you seem to have tried a lot to make this situation better but I do have one suggestion. Have you tried to see a therapist? Seeing a professional can really help you learn to cope with your feelings in a healthy manner. Not to mention you get to vent about all the annoyances in your life to someone that can give you sound advice in return. I have been going through an incredibly difficult time in my life and a therapist really was able to help me calm down enough to cope with it.

Good luck.

Why not find a new healthier coping mechanism. Like jogging, or working out. So when you get stressed at work, start thinking about how you are going to tear up the road/treadmill with all this negative energy. It is worth a try.

I too used to stress eat...now I try to take it out while jogging.

I agree with Tuende. Recognizing this pattern is a huge step, and that in and of itself should help prevent you from eating your emotions. So I want to applaud you for that.

Other than that, I don't have any advice. I'm sorry that things are so hard for you at work. ):

Glad you are doing well and not resorting back to the emotional eating.

Now, I am going to throw a bit of humor on this situation with the following, in the future you can remember it, smile at your boss and laugh your butt off in your mind.

SOUTHERN CHARM

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.

The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz..

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a s**t?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart"..

I am one that shoves chocolate down the hole to placate bubbling anger, hostility, and anything that distresses me.

and let me tell you how much i love to jog. I love it so much I can't wait to get to do it at night. I do this with my friend. we run along with the wii on the rebounder and it FEELS GOOD. I like to pass the funny little miis when they try to get ahead of me. It gets some aggression out. I totally agree with this.

You've gotten some great suggestions. I particularly agree with finding some other coping mechanisms. I would suggest actually making a list of things you can do for yourself that do not involve eating. Also, although I am not a fan of regular, gym-type exercise, I do believe that a good sweaty workout can make you feel better.

Besides that, though, I would encourage you to not just give up about switching jobs just because of the obstacles you mentioned. Yes, you may not be able to get the funding for your own business, but you may be able to find another, more satisfying job regardless of the economy. You may not find it in one day or one week or one month or even one year. But that doesn't mean you can't take the steps to TRY to find something better. Just doing the tasks associated with that---i.e., tailoring your resume, searching for jobs, practicing your interview skills---may give you hope and take the focus off food.

Also, don't be afraid to just allow yourself to cry. I know that sometimes when life becomes too overwhelming for me, I sit at home and I feel alone. This happens in the summer a lot when my sisters, my husband, & my friends are at work and I have no one to talk to (I'm a teacher, so I have summers off). I give myself permission to just cry. I sit in a chair and have a good bawl. Believe me, I feel better when it's over, and it's almost as satisfying as eating.

Thank you to everyone for all your advice, I really appreciate it. I feel so lucky to have this forum as a place to let off steam and find support.

I'm definitely going to take up the advice to channel my energies more into my fitness routine. I love kickboxing DVDs and they are great for letting out frustration.

Re the job, I'm going to seek advice from my trade union rep. My boss tends to bully me in 1-2-1 meetings where there are no witnesses, to the point where I feel I really need a witness to see what he's doing. I'm going to ask for advice on how to deal with this in the future. At the same time, I've already started saving for my new career when/if it ever happens. I am taking steps towards a new future, but it seems really hard at the moment because I feel so stuck. I need to take baby steps towards becoming unstuck.

Thank you all again. It's so good to be able to talk with other people with the same weight-loss goals.

I can totally relate. Baking, eating and Starbucks used to be my go-to stress friends. Exercise does help some, but I haven't figured it all out either.