In the beginning of the year, my mom and I decided to eat better. Our scale, though, only can show my weight because she has to weighed at the doctors. I think this is the reason why she's starting to give up. I was trying to make her think twice before she made 2 huge! hamgers with blue cheese and on keisher(how do you spell it?) buns without nagging her. Nagging would only make her want to eat more. I know I have to lose weight, but I want to help my mom too. She was off to a start. She has a lot to lose and her health is going to fail her. We have a lot of obesity-related health issues that run in our family especially diabetes and heart disease. What should I do to help get her back on track without nagging her to death? I'm scared one day I will have to take care of her for the rest of her life like other people in our family who can't live alone due to health problems. I want her to be happy and confident and to live as long as possible.
I did. I said I really want you to be happy and live longer and I suggest some things, but she just sits and atched tv and after 20 seconds she gets mad. And no I can't talk to her without the tv because she stays in front of that thing all day and night and doesn't move at all until she has to wake up the next day for work.
I think it's great of you that you are looking out for your mom. From the way you posted it sounds like you've probably tried all approaches you can think of to help her. I hate to say it, but people have to *want* to help themselves. Perhaps your success will show her that it IS possible to lose weight and be healthy and inspire her to make small changes herself.
Something you can try in the mean time would be to try to get her to make small changes. Like she can eat hamburgers, but no cheese on them. Or she can have macaroni and cheese, but only one serving. Even small steps like these can have an effect when someone is first starting out and she might see the progress and see what other small tweaks she can make herself. Best of luck and just keep on with your journey. If worse comes to worse and it ends up the way you fear, at least you will be healthy and able to help her out when she's older.
This is a really, really difficult situation because nothing hurts more than watching someone you love hurt themselves and refuse help. I have a similar situation with my dad. I think one of the best things you can do is be supportive simply through being a good example.
I really agree with krampus. You can't force anyone to lose weight. They have to do it one their own. Just try and be there for her, and maybe when she sees how much your losing she'll reconsider her diet.
stasia-
How wonderful that you love your mom so much and that you are there for her. I have to agree with previous posters who have said that getting yourself in good health may be the motivator she needs to help herself. I know that you are scared for her and only want what's best. However, she has to do it for herself, no matter what anyone else says.
I hope that she realizes what a great daughter she has and decides to do the work so that she can stay around as long as possible to enjoy life and having you in it!
Best wishes on your journey.
Last edited by milmin2043; 01-11-2011 at 09:41 PM.
I also think being a good example is about the only way you can help her now. I think it's contagious, at least she'll see how you can do it and it might inspire her to try some things too.
But you can't force her to take care of herself. It sounds like she's under medical supervision and you can only hope that her doctor will help her realize why she has to do something about it.
I agree it is nice of you to look out for your Mom.
Like someone said maybe you can get her take small steps. Rather then talk about losing weight, talk about eating healthy. Could you ask her to give up one or two unhealthy foods. Maybe just using low calories foods with less fat. Also can you suggest doing something that will get her moving. Does she like doing anything else besides watching TV?
Like others have said if she isn't motivated there isn't much you can do.
You are a wonderful daughter to care so much about her health and want to help.
And you are very wise to know that nagging will be counterproductive.
My best suggestion is to mostly focus on your own health. As you see changes, she may be excited and want to join you.
If you can, engage her in more active things...I know this is hard, so start small.
And maybe, if she shows any interest in joining your efforts you can make a fun little game out of it (can be silly, but people are sometime competitive by nature and games help us achieve).
I feel for you and for your mom, because I know just how she feels wanting to sit on the chair and do nothing but eat and watch TV till bed time. This may seem totally out in left field, but a little part of me wonders if she has sleep apnea. Until I found out I do and started getting it treated, I was TOO exhausted ALL THE TIME to eat right or move off the couch. Millions of people have it and are undiagnosed, and obesity can definitely contribute. Every now and then I just have to throw that out there, because my life is 100% different now that I am getting good sleep!
Maybe you could try turning it around on yourself, tell her that you are a young girl and would really like to get healthier, but it's much harder when she's cooking big burgers, etc. Don't nag her, but do as NYGiantsGirl suggested and ask if you could do more of the cooking/shopping? Ask if she'd like to go for a walk, and if she says no, go yourself and show her how it's done. I agree that the best thing you can do is be a good role model.
Height: 5'5 -- that's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonmb
I feel for you and for your mom, because I know just how she feels wanting to sit on the chair and do nothing but eat and watch TV till bed time. This may seem totally out in left field, but a little part of me wonders if she has sleep apnea. Until I found out I do and started getting it treated, I was TOO exhausted ALL THE TIME to eat right or move off the couch. Millions of people have it and are undiagnosed, and obesity can definitely contribute. Every now and then I just have to throw that out there, because my life is 100% different now that I am getting good sleep!
This is so true about the sleep apnea -- my grandfather FINALLY got dx'ed in ... hmm ... 2008, and he's is a much better place now.
It might be worth a consult with her dr.
Last edited by NYGiantsGirl; 01-12-2011 at 07:47 AM.
She has to weigh in at the doctor's office for medical reasons? Any doctor would want their patient to succeed so maybe she can make arrangements to go in daily or every other day to weigh herself. Seeing progress may make her want to succeed more.
You need to keep doing the right thing for yourself. I would invite her to do healthy things with you (eat lunch, take a walk). If she says no, don't be discouraged. She will see what you are doing and hopefully see that is works.
When my daughter moved home she wanted to lose weight so I recommitted myself to a diet and exercise plan. But I guess the time was not right for her because she quickly became aggravated with me for diet talk even talking about my own progress. When I would say I lost another pound she would say "You're just saying I'm fat and I'm sick of it". We talked a little but I could tell she was very annoyed with me and defensive about her food and activity choices. I talked to people on this forum and was advised that SHE needed to decide what to do about her weight.
I let the matter rest. I now talk to people in this forum by posting and don't say anything to her. I respect her right to decide for herself what she will eat even though I am worried about her and hate to see her unhappy. She didn't even go with us to Christmas as I think she didn't want any of the relatives to see how big she has gotten.
I do invite her to eat when I cook. I also buy most of the groceries and try to buy only healthy foods.
Well she is now eating a lot better and has been going to the gym daily and has actually started RUNNING on the treadmill. She still doesn't talk about her plan and I leave her be. I figure she will say something if she wants to. She doesn't say anything about my progress either. Well, she is looking better through her face and her stomach looks smaller and I am SILENTLY happy for her. When she gets ready to go out I tell her she looks nice.
I'm worried about my mom
