I know I do, I just don't like admitting it. I'm not a binger, I actually will just go days without eating. It's about control. Eventually I eat, but when I need to control something because everything else is out of control, I just stop eating. Is this the forum where I should be?
first of all, i think it's very brave of you to start looking for support for your eating disorder; secondly, i believe coming here for support is a great beginning, but ultimately we are not professionals. Seek out some help from a therapist, there is so much help out there, and a lot of it for free!
We are all affected differently and for different reasons. You are definitely welcome. Whether it's the right place depends on whether you find it helpful, supportive, informational or all of the above.
It's kind of a recent thing since October. I don't have insurance so I'm trying to motor through by myself. I know admitting the problem is the first step. Well, eliminating the person who thought it was a funny joke was actually the first step, admitting it out loud was the second. Being here has actually helped. I think this week was the first week I've actually eaten every day since Wednesday. For me, that's kind of huge.
I'm trying to find counseling but it's hard when you don't have a car. What's really sad is that because I'm not a pint sized twig, people don't accept or understand that, really, I do have a problem. They think it's okay for a "fat girl" to go for days on end and not eat.
its never ok for anyone to go days without eating. it throws your body out of whack...
definitely keep looking for counseling. do you have family or friends that would be willing to drive you to counseling? not having insurance does stink, i know how it is. depending on where you live, and your current financial situation, you may be eligible for state subsidized medical insurance.
we are definitely all here if you need to vent, or get further info...keep looking for help support groups. they are out there!
Unfortunately, my Medicaid ran out in October. As an adult with no children, there's nothing out there to help me unless I have cancer. How messed up is that? You can't just have a disability, you have to have cancer to get supplemental or state / federal insurance. It's terrible the way the system works.
Hi Jesse, Me again!
Sounds like you are in quite a predicament one way and another having just posted on your flatmate issue.
Must be awful to feel so at sea with no insurance backing and needing help. Do hope you will get the help you need soon. We are all rooting for you to succeed in your weight loss bid. ..
Okay so this morning I drank my tea and had a cup of coffee with sugar free hot chocolate instead of milk or sugar. Now it's almost/past lunch time and I don't feel hungry at all. I don't feel like eating. I'm sure the weather and being cooped up for two days is affecting whether I want to eat or not and NOT seems to be the leaning. I have eggs and rice and chili in the fridge and some crackers in my room but it all sounds YUCK. I hate not feeling like I want to eat. This is always how it starts. One day I don't eat and that becomes two or three or six last time. I'm dwelling on things and with friends out of town and my daughter sick, there's no one to talk to. I'm feeling isolated and food isn't what I want right now.
Thanks for letting me get it out. I should probably start journalling again.
one thing that really helps me not eat (the exact opposite problem that you have) is thinking about what my life would be like if i kept going - what quality of life will i have ... it is super important to me because i am the sole provider for two amazing boys (age 6 and 2.5) so if my life sucks, who will look after them? what sort of roll model would i be for them if i just gave in....
i, too, am glad you are here and venting and challenging yourself... perhaps if you ate a very small breakfast every day your metabolism might kick back in a bit? a friend of mine that was anorexic for a long time broke the cycle by having an orange, just one orange, every night before bed... no matter what else she did/ate that day, she had that orange... and it helped her...
UGH. Bad day. I ended up not eating after a small bowl of rice around 2:00. I'm not hungry at all and nothing sounded good. It was just easier to not eat today. I know that's bad for me and I kind of forced down some nuts around 7 to get something nutritional in. I know I'm stressed over the weather. I'm supposed to be at court tomorrow for a traffic ticket and the bus isn't running and my ride is out of town. There's nothing I can do. Hopefully the court will be merciful as they know the whole city of Charlotte is having issues dealing with the snow and ice. I just keep hoping and praying eventually there will be a post on the Alert System for Charlotte that court is closed tomorrow. I'm so stressed. I need court to be closed.
Jesse - Thank you so much for posting this. I know that I have an ED, and it sounds like we are in very similar places. I have started to post a similar thread, but I was too scared of the response I would get. So thank you for being the brave one! I struggled with anorexia throughout high school, but luckily pulled through it when I graduated and moved away from "triggers" I guess. And I completely agree about the "you're fat, you'll be fine without food for a while" thing. I had the same delusion myself for a while - since I'm overweight I can't have an eating disorder. Obviously that's not the case.
Now, I'm on medication for ADHD, a drug similar to Adderall, that suppresses my appetite. I've noticed recently that I don't really care if it's effective as far as the ADHD is concerned, and that my only real reason for taking it is that it helps me not eat. I think I probably consume about 200 calories a day, and I've reverted back to some of my old habits. Eating one bite, chewing for way too long, putting the food down, taking a sip of water, staring at the food for a minute, picking it back up, repeat. I could take 30 minutes to eat a piece of toast.
Luckily I do have insurance, but I honestly can't take myself to a dr or therapist. I don't think I want to get better, I'd rather lose weight. I guess it's a step that I can admit that this problem has returned, and that it's not ok. I've been trying to meditate, pray, whatever to find the strength/courage/something to get better. One day at a time, I guess.
Anyway, just wanted you to know that you are absolutely not alone. If you ever want to talk/vent, PM me.
mdchick I am so glad you posted. I'm glad to know that there are others out there that are trying to lose weight and be responsible but still struggle with just not wanting to eat. For me it's not like before where I took pills to suppress my appetite, this is me being stressed and just not eating. I will actually cook a meal and then not eat it which is such a waste to me. I need to get my mind around things and start ignoring the stress and eat meals regardless of my hunger factor. This morning I downed a Carnation Instant Breakfast, those go down for me but some days they are the only thing I eat.
I'm thinking maybe if I plan my day, I'll do better. Today I found a rice recipe to make some more flavorful rice. The stuff I have right now is bland, but I can cut it into the stuff I'm going to make today. I need flavor or I just won't eat.
It's nice to have someone else that struggles with the same issues. There is greater strength in numbers.
Hi Jesse, Thinking of you!
Like someone else has said, when I get stressed I tend to eat, in fact that's when I binge and then feel really awful and annoyed 'cos I know I've undone what I've struggled to get done!
Do hope you manage to get some help.
Have you considered using a relaxation technique? I have a Paul McKenna cd that helps me to relax and get more confident. Anything is worth a try.
I did well today - three meals and under my daily calories. Yay. I wish I was slightly hungrier, I probably would have eaten better. I had left over chili for lunch because the guy that made it asked me to please eat some and I felt bad that I didn't eat it when he originally made it. It wasn't bad or bad for me, it was homemade, but it was still chili so I kind of take it in stride that it was a little over what I would normally eat. I then had rice with veggies for dinner. All in all a good day. No snacks and lots of water. Hey, at least I'm eating.
mdchick ~ I should have said it's nice to see someone else admit their struggles. That came out wrong. It's never great to see anyone else with the same issues but if you do have them and you admit them, that's the first giant step toward getting and finding help.
emaline29 - thank you. I'm trying to find help. Charlotte's been pretty much closed down for three days. Not sure where to start though. OA isn't really going to help since that's not an issue. I guess I could call and see if they have somewhere they could recommend. I just remember in high school having a friend who was anorexic and where she went there was definitely no one who weighed 177 pounds. That's part of the problem...getting people to believe I truly have a problem.
I Have An Eating Disorder
