I have been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember. There were times when I was more serious than others. I have had my ups and downs both on the scale and emotionally. There have been many times when I have said to myself: "Why can't you just stick to your plan and quit being a lazy turd?" (I don't always have positive self talk.)

I thought if I could just stick to 'X' number of calories. Or 'X' number of points. If I could only get more serious about exercise. If I could only eat a magical ratio of carbs/fat/protein. If I could only be better in the evenings. If I could only be better on the weekends. If I could only give up booze or give up cheese. If only I had more will power. If only I had more self control.

If only... If only... None of these thoughts have helped me. For a while I thought: "well, if I can't stick to 'plan' then maybe it is the wrong plan."

I've known for quite a while that I am an emotional eater... but the last month has really made it glaringly obviously how MUCH of an emotional eater I am. I can avoid sweets. I can eat my veggies. I don't usually care about soda. I don't eat fast food. I hate french fries and potato chips. Since I discovered dark chocolate, Halloween candy no longer tickles my fancy. I don't have money to eat out often. So MANY things that would be triggers for others just aren't there for me.

So shouldn't this be easy? Shouldn't I be thin by now? The problem comes when I have an evening home alone. When I have anxiety I don't know how to deal with. When it is cold and dark out and I want to eat something hot and cheesy. When it is a gathering of friends and there are snacks and drinks. When I want to treat myself. When I want to relax. ALL emotional triggers.

My resolution this year... I am ditching the bad self talk. I know what 1600 - 1800 calories looks, tastes and feels like. I know I should eat my veggies everyday... and I even LIKE eating veggies. I prefer quinoa and barley over rice and pasta. BUT MY RESOLUTION is to learn how to deal with my emotions without using food. To learn to eat and enjoy food when I am hungry, but to turn elsewhere when I am anxious or lonely.

I found my binding machine and have been putting together my own journals. I will write in them. I have been cleaning out my "craft room" in my basement to put my treadmill and yoga mat and a table to sit and write at... to build my own sanctuary.

I will not eat if I am not hungry. I will not snack on popcorn in the evenings JUST because I want to snack... I will only eat it if I am ACTUALLY hungry.

Why do I write all this? I guess I am hoping someone else is in the same boat as me. Someone else who has come to realize, for them, it doesn't seem to be only about the calorie counting, but rather also about eating based on INTERNAL HUNGER queues and not EXTERNAL or emotional queues.

And so begins a new year... and a new approach. I will get over this. I will heal myself from the inside out.

I have to ask, are you trying to always be "perfectly" on plan?

Perhaps that is too extreme & sudden a reform effort.

Can you resolve to be "better"?

My way of working through the first 50 pounds was to say to myself (with apologies to the Guardasil commercials) "Just one less." That is, I was happy with just one pound less a week. The scale just had to be lower than the week before. I figured I was that much further ahead than if I had done nothing.

I'm rather hard on myself & perfectionistic, so going to the opposite extreme, of extremely low expectations & making it easier on myself actually got me a good start & took me further along than I'd ever imagined it would.

Just resolve to be better, not absolutely perfect & stringently committed. It may get you somewhere. As I said, at least you'll be better off than being mired in self-doubt & inaction.

Do you have human companionship and support that you can call on? I think having activities to distract and soothe you is great, but you just can't beat being able to call a friend and say, "Yo, I am stressed! Help!" My mom was an alcoholic with 20 years of sobriety (which is similar in a lot of ways to having a sugar addiction, as I do), and I know she couldn't have maintained her sobriety without the love of friends who she could talk to, or get actual help from. Of course, this means these friendships need to be ones into which you can speak honestly, not the kind that are based on everyone being fake and pretending to be happy and like life is easy all the time. Rather, you need to be able to say, "This sucks," and have your friend just commiserate with you and speak back some words of comfort or give you a hug.

I hope you find the peace and healing you seek this year. I would bet that's your most important and valuable and rewarding goal ever.

Craver, I see a lot of myself in your post.

I feel like I have spent the last year running around in circles tryng to find what works for me and I'm still looking.

I'm an emotional eater. I've tried hunger cues. I've tried eating small meals on a schedule. I've tried eating large meals so I won't snack and, as I feel, encourage boredom eating. I've tried counting calories. I've tried the food to food ratio. And yet here I am at the same weight as when I restarted last. I did lose a little but regained again. did I mention again? I don't feel like I eat a lot, but I can understand how it adds up.

I spend a lot of time home alone also, I don't have much choice. I've been working on my emotional eating for several years now. I've had all the tests and I'm healthy. I've lost weight before. I exercise; a mix of cardio and cardio/weights days. I drink a lot of water. I feel like I've followed all 'the rules' and I should be successful.

I am totally with you. I had an epiphany in the past couple of weeks that I really do like healthy food much better than fast food, frozen dinners, or over-fatty or oily restaurant dishes (for the most part...there are some restaurants that are AMAZING). Like you, I don't drink soda, eat fast food, or eat much candy. I do, however have problems with emotional eating and comfort foods.

My response to feeling relief from being done with something big such as an exam or a big project at work is to eat crappily and stuff my face with comfort food and/or beer. I don't know why, since I don't like how it makes me feel afterwards, but at the time it's exactly what I want.

I also have a problem with eating regular meals because some days I'm just too lazy to cook or prepare myself a meal, especially if there are no left-overs. So instead, I'll sit in hunger and raid the cupboards for an easy-to-eat snack that's usually crackers or something equally calorific but not filling.

I don't know if this'll help you, but the solution I've found to this problem is scheduling my meals and snacks the night before, complete with times I should be eating them. That last part is key, because that way I don't go hungry and snack on things and also I don't eat too often and too much. I try to eat something every 3-4 hours even if I'm not hungry because if I don't, I'll be hungry later and more prone to eating junk instead of the pre-planned yogurt or apple or nuts.

To make sure I'm eating enough at each time so I'm not starving, I've been using this calorie breakdown by meal:
1500-1600 calories daily:
Breakfast: 400 +/- 25
Lunch: 500 +/- 25
Afternoon Snack: 100 +/- 25
Dinner: 500 +/- 25
Evening Snack: 100 +/- 25

And for those that eat less:
1200-1300 calories daily:
Breakfast: 300 +/- 25
Lunch: 400 +/- 25
Afternoon Snack: 100 +/- 25
Dinner: 400 +/- 25
Evening Snack: 100 +/- 25

I haven't been doing that lately and I've noticed I scavenge or snack on things a lot more now than last month. So I need to go back to that system.

I am the same. Weight Watchers is my diet of choice, but the emotional stuff can't be conquered with a diet plan.
I'm journaling as well (well blogging), and I have to say it's really helping. When I want to stray off plan...I blog.

It remains to be seen if this will be the missing puzzle piece that helps me finally reach my goal, but so far just getting those feelings OUT has been very fulfilling.

saef: I am totally a perfectionist! One of the things that I truely realized in 2010 is that you don't have to be perfec to see results. That realization I think is was really helped me lose the last 20 lbs. Not only not being perfect in what I eat - but I also don't need to be perfect with exercise. Not enough time/energy for a 60 min run on the treadmill? then 30 mins will do! I think I am at the point now where I don't have to be perfect - but two containers of sugar cookies over Xmas weekend is a little TOO far in the opposite direction. Why would I eat that many cookies? WHY? Next time I start to do something similar, I think I need to stop and write in my journal about why I think I feel the need to do that.

WarMadien: I am truely blessed when it come to my support network. I have a fantastic hubby. A sister who is my best friend. She just married my good friend from college. I have many women and men friends I could call on at a moments notice if I needed them. I have been doing a lot with one friend in particular the last few weeks... and it has been really nice taking the time to do things with her... and I was just thinking earlier today I should really make more time to spend with friends. When hubby has to go to a work meeting, I should call one up!

patchworkpenguin: You said you have lost weigh and regained... I was reading that the more times you try - the more likely you are to be successful. I think it is important to JUST keep trying. If one thing doesn't work - try the next thing. I truely believe we will get there!!

augeremt: This totally resonantes with me:
Eating comfort food feels good... until you are done and left with heart burn and feeling uncomfortably full - and yet I keep doing it time and time again! And the grabbing crackers, etc. when I don't feel like preping food!! I have recently been using peapod.com to order my groceries... this has actually been a great help. I have to think about what I will be making that week for meals so I can order the ingredients... then I have them all in my fridge and I have to use them so they don't go bad! I don't have money to waste on spoiled food! I have also been talking to the nutritionist at work and she talked about having about 5 recipes that are quick and easy to make that you love and you keep ingredients for one or two of them on hand at all times.

Oh yes, I so know what you are talking about, especially about the anxious eating. I am amazingly anxious right now, like my overall level of anxiety is at a higher pitch since I started my plan. It's just been recently that I'm putting 2 and 2 together. I used to numb out anxiety with really fatty food (though I didn't really even realize it). I'm not doing that now, and I have yet to discover similarly effective (though very fleeting) ways to deal with stress/anxiety. I even did 6, 2 hour sessions of a meditation boot camp thingy. When I was doing conscious relaxation 2X a day, I did feel less anxious, but haven't been doing it because it's just one more thing, ya know? I need to get back to it, in addition to using exercise more to burn off the extra tension and coming up with other coping strategies.

I just got done dealing with an extremely stressful and very expensive 5-day plumbing nightmare (including my yard being dug up), and several times throughout that ordeal I could actually imagine how eating 2 Big Macs would numb me to the low-grade panic I was experiencing. I didn't turn to food, but it was interesting to really see the connection there for me. Weird!

I struggle with this, too! For me, I get all excited about my next week's worth of meals, and then I completely space out two hours later while running an errand and craving something sugary. Or I will think about how healthy I'm going to be and buy the food for it, and make the healthy food, but then somehow not feel "full" enough and end up supplementing with unhealthy food.

Shannonmb, I was just visiting your lovely city this December. Columbus is a nice town.

SCraver, I can really relate to your post. I start a diet every year. I do good for a few months then I just start cheating then I give up. I find myself facing a new year in the same boat I was last year. Over weight.
I did discover that I eat to comfort myself. I was doing so good on a diet a couple years ago. I was still dieting in October. Then my baby sister died and I couldn't stop eating. Food makes me feel better. If I am stress or upset I eat. Most of the time it is food that is rich in calories. I am so open to suggestions or ideas telling how others deal with I guess you would call it a lack of will-power.