you'll lose your boobs!" Literally a sentence my mother just said to me. I'm home for the holidays. She hasn't seen me since I started losing the weight. This is the lowest I've been in several years (by several I mean since probably high school-which over 7 years ago). She keeps telling me how skinny I look and how great I look-which feels great.
But when I told her I hoped to lose another 10-15 lbs she gave me this horrified look and told me I had to be careful or my boobs would shrink. I informed her they already had some. I would rather have small boobs and be skinny than have bigger boobs and stomach rolls. I was more than a little insulted.
Also, she has planned a full blown Christmas feast and the only guest are my neice (6 y.o.), her, and me. Two other adults may come too. She's making a ham, a large turkey, all the fixings, bought cookies, chips, pies, etc. I've been telling her the entire time I've been on this diet about it. I'm not willing to break my diet for her feast. I don't understand why she's doing this.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you deal with the comments? How do you deal with the sabatoge (because she knows all of my favorites!)? Basically, how do I survive the holidays without hurting her/hurting me by falling off the wagon?
Is your mother a failed dieter/insecure about her weight? Everything she has said just now is pointing in that direction.
I'm boobless, but I have heard comments from guys (not my bf, who gets a literal boner when I point out my ribs or hip bones....weirdo) sort of fits the "weird comments" section..."don't lose your ***," "bony is not hot," blah blah and I'm not sure what they're trying to say.
As for the feast...stand tall and proud and eat what you can eat on your plan. If she pushes food, say no, and if she guilt trips you I'm fairly sure you are justified in saying "I told you so!"
Big hugs, sounds like you're going through rough times lately.
Oh my... well, I can relate. At 304 pounds, even though I was certainly a pear shape, I had big boobs.. because I was fat! But it turns out I am not meant to have such big boobs because that's where I lost the weight from first. I look a bit odd atm actually, because I have very large hips and barely any boobs to speak of! Hopefully the lower half catches up soon. lol
As for hurtful comments. I get those all of the time too .. my grandma is constantly giving me looks over everything I eat. She is stricter than I am about it. You just have to internally focus. Lose sight of the negativity surrounding you and focus on what you know works. If you trust yourself and keep complete control of your actions (don't let anyone else take that control!) you will be doing the right things! I get hurtful comments too, but I brush it aside because proving them wrong with my success is the best way to shut them up.
To me it just sounds like motherly love. I don't think she is necessarily trying to sabotage you.
When it comes to food, that's how family is during the Holidays. I wouldn't think of telling my mom she couldn't cook exactly what she has always cooked because that is what has made me happy in the past and/or our entire family. Sometimes that's how families show love during the holidays. We may not have had much but food was one thing we never scrimped on during Christmas/Thanksgiving. This year I did suggest a few things that I am going to make as well so that we have a good mixture and I don't have to make hard choices.
You don't have to eat the food. You've been doing great thus far and will continue to do so. You can totally manage eating a little bit of this and little bit of that and working it into your calorie range.
As for the boob comment, it's one I get all the time. I don't think she meant it in a harmful way. Just a concerned mother OR maybe trying to be funny. Either way, I wasn't there so I couldn't hear her tone but I don't think she is trying to be rude. I don't think she is going to push food upon you or try to guilt you into submission.
It's Christmas time! Don't worry so much, do what you normally do and ENJOY your family! Christmas isn't about anything other than celebrating the birth of Christ with your family and being thankful you still have each other to share it with! Enjoy!
Last edited by Krizstyling; 12-21-2010 at 09:18 AM.
wibblewobble - I don't think you'll lose too much of your boobs unless you start to push your BMI toward the low end of healthy. Personally, I haven't lost a cup size yet. In fact, I wish I would drop some boob weight, 'cause it's keeping me in sizes 2 or 3 bigger than my waist and hips.
From experience, men are fascinated by boobs of all sizes, and as I drop weight I no longer feel like they are my only asset.
As to the feast- it's the holidays, and you should celebrate the progress you've made! As long as she doesn't have several days of feast laid out, you can reduce your calories earlier in the week in anticipation, or just take the hit day of. Either way, you don't have to deprive yourself of all your favorites, just take small portions, even if it's just enough to get the flavor, you'll feel better about it than if you didn't eat any, don't punish yourself, just be in control.
krampus - you totally still have boobs! They may be small, but that just means more cute bra options! See also the above: men are fascinated by the idea alone!
I can never understand the fear of losing boobs. Bigger isn't automatically better, when bigger is just loads of fat. Speaking personally.
However, I don't think OP's mother means to be mean - food is love to lots of people. The task is to thank her for all she's made, and to eat nevertheless according to plan.
My boobs shrunk and I like it because I can go back to wearing no bra and STILL be perky. I'd rather smaller boobs then huge ones or else they'll sag and I really don't have 8000 to get my boobs done haha.
Also if there is only 5 people, is it really nessisary to make a ham AND a turkey? For sabotage I just smile, but my mom doesn't sabotage me, she just annoys me because she doesn't want me to be fat so at least once per conversation it goes "How's your diet coming along?" I do understand it but what I don't get is family memeber's who want to see someone fail...We all have at least one in there, I just ignore it though. It's the best thing to do unless you want to create conflict.
So eat what you want and don't allow her to push anything on you. She say's eat more say your full. You're not being rude by declining, she's being rude by pushing. Just rememeber that it's okay to say no thank you.
I kind of miss my boobs. They've always been big, even back in HS when I was smaller, but its kind of a shock when you're a 38DD and then, all of a sudden, you're a 36C. Its like WHAT THE **** HAPPENED WHERE'D THEY GO.
It sounds like she's just being a mom, though. I come from a huge Italian family, and they value curves and huge holiday meals. For Christmas, our appetizer is usually lasagna, followed by ham, turkey, lamb and pork. Granted, there are usually 35 people at Christmas, but there's enough food so everyone can have something of each.
I usually take small portions of the things that I want, so I'm not "depriving" myself of my favorites, but I'm not hugely sabotaging myself. I also make it a point to get in a really long work out the day of a holiday feast. I haven't taken a rest day in 10 days because I know I won't be able to go to the gym Christmas Day, so I'm packing in as many minutes on the treadmill/arc trainer as possible.
I couldn't agree more Stella. I don't understand why everyone thinks she's being rude or trying to push food...I just don't see that. I think sometimes we become so engrossed in our "living a healthy lifestyle" that we expect everyone to just jump on board with us and that is not fair nor acceptable in this world.
I'm hoping I lose my boobs. They're saggy and gross (probably because they're mainly fat!). I wouldn't mind going from my C to an A cup! In fact, I'm pretty close to fitting in a B with just this little weight I lost.
I couldn't agree more Stella. I don't understand why everyone thinks she's being rude or trying to push food...I just don't see that. I think sometimes we become so engrossed in our "living a healthy lifestyle" that we expect everyone to just jump on board with us and that is not fair nor acceptable in this world.
I agree with this. I don't see the OP's mom as being unfair at all - a 3FC member's goals aren't anyone else's goals, so why should everyone else conform to them?
My brother is doing well on his weight loss journey, and he loves to cook for his family and for the guys he stays with when he's hundreds of miles away working. His philosophy is that if he is cooking for others, he can't expect them to eat HIS way. The reverse is also true, though....when ONE person at a meal is eating a certain way, everyone else shouldn't have to conform to THEIR particular diet.
Krampus: She is a failed dieter. She's currently on a diet...but told me because its the holidays she's cheating. She refuses to ever exercise too. I tried to get her to join the YMCA because if she joins with the family plan-which would be great for her and my niece-so I could work out when I come down, she got into a huff about it and said she would never go.
She is kind of a sabatoger of diets though. Every time I come to visit her and I'm trying to eat healthy she'll insist on going out to eat places where there is no healthy choice. And she'll stock the house with tons of treats that I love and then constantly ask me if I want them. No matter how often I tell her no. I'm not really good with temptations in my face. The entire reason I've done well thus far is because when I live by myself I can keep temptation out of my house.
I'm going to stay strong and just say no. I've loaded the house with 100 calorie packs of snacks. And told my niece she can't eat them (though I know my mother will let her if I'm not around and she asks). So I'm hoping that I can stay on track through the season.
I have no idea why she needs to make a ham and a turkey for Christmas. I talked her out of buying a lasagna as well. Max there are 5 of us. It makes zero sense.
"Better Be Careful or...
.. my grandma is constantly giving me looks over everything I eat. She is stricter than I am about it. You just have to internally focus. Lose sight of the negativity surrounding you and focus on what you know works. If you trust yourself and keep complete control of your actions (don't let anyone else take that control!) you will be doing the right things! I get hurtful comments too, but I brush it aside because proving them wrong with my success is the best way to shut them up.
