The one uppers, the downers, and those who support you...
Have you ever had that issue with the one upper who makes it difficult to confide? It gets frustrating sometimes, you have a good work out, running the extra mile, losing a few pounds etc and you want to share it, but when you so you hear:
"That's neat, but I've lost ___ lbs in the last ___ days/weeks and I haven't even had to do anything!"
I'm all for sharing, but when you've ALWAYS lost more weight, had a better day, had a worse day, 'would have run further...if I ran' or whatever bigger and better story you have it gets old.
I've just gotten to the point of not wanted to share anything with that person, no matter how excited I may have been about it, it's an automatic downer...
On the other hand I have a wonderful fiance who although sometimes doesn't help the weight loss effort (aka he can eat what he wants when he wants...and so he brings it in the house and offers it to me) he can make me feel like the most gorgeous woman in the world no matter my weight. He does his best to support me, and I love him for it.
Does anyone else find this discouraging every once in a while? What do you do about those people in your life who almost undermine your weight loss efforts?
How about the ones who lift you up? How do they show their support to you?
My boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the world, at least for me. He always encourages me to exercise to eat right. and when i don't eat enough he tells me about it.
Truthfully i have imagined a taller boyfriend with more hair but the one i have got it close to perfect, And his hair , thanks to rogaine, seems to have stopped falling out!
I also have other mental problems that he really supports me on. He sometimes drive me a little nuttier but he is always trying to help me. I love the man dearly!!!
He has even recently started going for walks himself. So now i don't feel so alone in trying to lose weight.
My family on the other hand don't help much. My mom noticed that my pants and shirt were getting baggy on me the other day, and she said " good job" which was a nice change from you are eating to much. I actual should usually be eating more. I should get between 1500 to 1900 calories a day and sometimes like yesterday i only got in like 6 or 7 hundred. WAY to low.
I have been getting headaches i guess it is from not eating enough.
Anyhow those are my uppers and downers.
Being around people like that is exhausting. Soooooo hard. You wanna share, but be careful who you share with, lest the energy drains from what you are doing.
I have a friend who does a version of this, it has affected me sharing with her.
I don't understand why those people are in our lives...unless they're family and we're stuck with them. I don't have room for those inferiority complexes.
I guess for me, my main support is my family. My husband and my children. We made a family lifestyle change, and they get just as excited about lbs lost as I do. My husband and oldest son are both also losing. And my skinny 2 younger boys are claiming to lose some "jigglies" in their legs (tho I'm not convinced there was anything to jiggle there to begin with!) My mom also knows that with our lifestyle change, I'm watching my weight. She's both a supper and a downer. She's always excited about any losses, and asks me about once a week or once every 2 weeks how much I've lost. But if I mention goals, etc, then she's more of a naysayer. "Now don't be disappointed if you don't lose", etc. I make pretty realistic goals (I actually have 2 goals.. one a bit tougher "WOW" goal, and one easier "I'd be happy with" goal). I dont think she really has the confindence in me being able to stick with it.
But that's ok. I know I'm in this for lfie. I just let it slide off my shoulders.
My best friend is probably my main supporter when it comes to all things weight loss. She's lost a significant amount and still has a ways to go, so I'm always comfortable sharing things with her because I know she'll understand where I'm coming from. If we're out to eat, we support each other when it comes to resisting temptation and staying on plan, or neither of us will judge when one of us just has to cheat. Or we'll have planned cheats together. We talk about all the emotions involved in the weight journey, the small victories, the setbacks, etc.
I haven't had any one-uppers. The people that frustrate me, and I have a few friends like this, are those that whine and whine and whine about not losing any weight and then talk about my weight loss like it was an effortless transformation. I had a girl friend come over to study last week, and she brought half a pizza over (she had eaten the other half earlier), and we couldn't study because she just moaned about not being able to lose any weight. She said she hikes, and one would think she'd burn off a few pounds, but she just keeps gaining. I try to be sympathetic, because I have been in denial like that, but it is frustrating. I didn't say much because I didn't want to be preachy, but I got annoyed when she talked about my weight loss like the weight had melted off me with no effort at all. I showed her my calorie counting website, and showed her how I have been documenting my food and exercise for the last year. How it took a LOT of effort, a lot of willpower, and a lot of desire to change. But she just kept eating the pizza and whining about how she couldn't lose any weight.
My fiance is still adjusting to me not being the kind of chick that could out-eat him. He just recently got back from Iraq for a year, and when he left, I was at my highest weight and would drink beer and eat junk without a second thought. He's the type of person that will quit eating any food, no matter how delicious it is, if he's full. Food just isn't that exciting to him. So he doesn't understand why I only need 1500 calories a day. Why I need to calorie count. Why I don't want bratwurst for dinner every other night anymore. He doesn't understand that eating and weight maintenance are sensitive and emotionally involved things for me. At first he was kind of annoyed that I wouldn't just loosen up and have fun eating like I used to. Then he got concerned that I was being obsessive over calorie counting (I'm a VERY loose calorie counter, not obsessive at all, it's just a guideline for me). He doesn't understand why I can feel emotional and upset when he eats foods that tempt me. It's an adjustment for both of us. He's been gone for a year, and I've changed a lot in that year. He kind of has to get to know the new me.
I am happy to report that I have no one-uppers in my life, and my friends respect what I'm doing and don't try to sabotage my efforts (which I sabotage myself plenty of the time). My boyfriend has a major sweet tooth but he is trying to eat healthier too these days.
My parents, 10,000 miles away though they may be, are also very supportive. My mom went from 155 to 125 and is maintaining and it's really nice to b!tch and whine with her when the going gets tough because she's been there, done that.
I have an aunt, who when she found out that I was trying to lose some weight, phoned me on my birthday with the premise of wishing me a happy birthday and then proceeded to grill me on my weight loss, stating "oh your 9 kilograms is pretty good, but I've lost 14 in the same amount of time!". Frustrated me to know end especially because I know she's doing some crazy shakes only diet (not meaning to bad mouth anyone doing them, I just personally don't agree with it). She proceeded to ask me what I was doing for my birthday and when I said I was going out for dinner she asked what could I possibly eat that fit in with my diet. She was stunned when I said I wasn't on a diet as such and was just watching what I ate (I calorie count, but I didn't want to get into that with her). She is in her 60's and I guess it makes her feel better to make someone 40 years younger than her feel bad? Who knows.
On the positive side of things, I have wonderful parents who are consistently showing how pleased they are I've taken control of things (at first my mum was annoyed with my weighing my food, but she's gotten over it as she realised it works for me). My boyfriend and his parents are also pretty supportive. He always asks me what exercise I did and makes me feel good about doing it and tells me I'm doing well (in his own weird way).
Oh and my super fit slim cousin who has never had a weight problem is also really good at support. She's even coming to Zumba with me tomorrow haha!
I don't have a one-upper about weight, but I do have one person who has done almost everything else on the planet in a social group I meet with weekly. It's mixed ages, and this gal has a daughter around my age, maybe a little younger who has also done everything on the planet that I have.
Better, worse, harder, easier, longer, shorter it's all the same as long as it's an inadvertent attempt to squish my happy.
The sad news is this is the only way this woman can validate herself and make herself feel good.
The good news is that I got my happy without her. My happy is not dependent on her. I hug my happy to myself and if that makes me a little smug and superior, well, I guess that's how it's going to be! I have plenty of bad going on right now without someone else helping.
My sister would always top me whatever I did, if I lost a pound she would say she lost 2. We went to slimming classes some few years back and she insisted, very loudly, that she had bought a dress that was a size 18 when it was soo obvious that she had not lost much weight and was still a size 22! It was very embarrassing. So I don't involve her in my weight loss attempts. However, my daughter and I constantly confide in each other about our attempts although it is difficult for me to say too much to her when I have lost a fair amount as she is on such a lot of medications due to her rhuematoid arthritis that her weight loss is extremely slow.
My best support is on this forum and, I confess, another one that I belong to.
It's kind of difficult to be with my boyfriend and discuss weight issues at times. With him, he will always claim that I'm not fat or whatever, but at the same time, he's a good 50 pounds lighter than me (we're around the same height) and he tells me "Oh my gosh, I gained 5 pounds...I need to lose weight." I mean o_o how is it that he thinks he's fat and I'm not? It just makes things feel worse, even if he's trying to keep me happy.
Also there's times when he'll tell me when he dropped 10 pounds by doing nothing. I mean I love the guy, but weight issue talk with him is not helpful at all. :P
The one uppers, the downers, and those who support you...
How about the ones who lift you up? How do they show their support to you?
