So on Monday night I went out to dinner with a couple friends and a guy they wanted to introduce me to. It wasn't billed as a 'date', just dinner and a movie and us meeting each other sort of thing. Well the night was awesome. I haven't laughed so much/ had so much fun in a loooong time. According to my friend he was 'excited to meet me' and he told me he had a blast too. Yesterday he texted me to say hi and see how things were and we wound up texting back and forth that night. We made plans to 'hang out' this weekend. Except now I don't know if 'hanging out' is a date, or if it's just 'hanging out' (but either way he says he's looking forward to seeing me this weekend, so I'm pretty stoked ). So then I agonized for a bit, and then finally realized it doesn't matter. Whether he likes me or not, we still had a ton of fun together, which will hopefully continue, and I should just sit back and see where this goes.
But unfortunately this realization didn't happen until after a couple rounds of reading our conversation and trying to decipher the meaning behind everything. And hopefully I won't slip back into the previous state of mind. It was a pretty big step for me not to let my self esteem take a hit if I thought he wasn't interested. Even if he's not attracted to me looks wise, I'm okay with that. So I suppose in some way this is a NSV for my self esteem. Now we'll just see how far it takes me this weekend when I actually see him.
I think we (as females) tend to overanalyze because it's just in our nature to think things through (our brains are always roaming, if you've heard the analogy of women's thoughts are like a plate of spaghetti and men's thoughts are like a waffle). We just sometimes have to remind ourselves that *in general* men will say what they mean. So if he says 'I had a good time', it meant he had a good time... not that it could have been great, not that it just wasn't bad - if you catch my drift. You're doing good to have already stopped yourself from analyzing and hopefully you can stay lax about it when you do hang out again. Like you said, regardless of whether he wants to date you or not, you still clicked and can at least have a new friend out of it.
You can call it whatever you like but by wanting to "spend time together" there must be some interest on his part. So just enjoy the day and see where it goes!
im going through the overanalyzing bit right now. Long story short - a close guy friend of mine and I starting becoming romantically involved, and I SOOO overanalyzed every.little.thing. Mainly b/c this friend hasn't been very forthcoming with his feelings. I know - shocking, right? A man who's not open with his feelings?
I'll give you my one best piece of advice that I've received from a friend throughout this drama - do not let him see you sweat. I think i did this too much and it freaked out my guy friend, as if i was some emotional, needy, dependant woman. Let his ACTIONS show you how he's feeling - b/c most guys won't share them with words. And so far - seeing as though he asked you hang out - I'd say it's looking good!
Oh, gosh. I overanalyze situations all the time, and it usually goes back to "this happened because the boyfriend thinks I'm fat and ugly and likes other girls better than me!" Which is NOT true. It drives him insane when I do that, for obvious reasons. That said, I love stargzr's analogy and look forward to calling my boyfriend a waffle-brain.
I have learned that men are all about action, women are all about talk.
Meaning, a man might not gush about how awesome you are, how much he can't wait to see you, how cute you look, how he loves your hair like that, how you have beautiful eyes, etc., (even though yes some do, and of course we WANT them to).
BUT, if he is taking his time to make plans with you and carry out those plans, just assume he's probably thinking the above! lol.
~CGH~
P.S. WHY we overanalyze I believe has to do with our cavemen/cavewomen days. We HAD to overanalyze, our lives and our tribes' lives depended on it! Is this land liveable, is there danger near, are those berries poisonous, has that meat been left out too long, did our child stray too far, what time he is coming home with that big animal he killed, etc.
Last edited by choirgirlhotel; 03-24-2010 at 04:04 PM.
im laughing right now, because it's SO true. whether good or bad situation, we always jump to conclusions or over analyze and react to EVERYTHING! my boyfriend always tells me girls are like this.. and i've tried to be less of that. sometimes i try to shut up and just see what happens, instead of trying to make the situation something it wasnt going to be in the first place!
Oh, gosh. I overanalyze situations all the time, and it usually goes back to "this happened because the boyfriend thinks I'm fat and ugly and likes other girls better than me!" Which is NOT true. It drives him insane when I do that, for obvious reasons. That said, I love stargzr's analogy and look forward to calling my boyfriend a waffle-brain.
omg thats what im doing right now! lately thats what i bring everything back to! this morning he told me he thought my undies were cute and i turned around and instead of saying like aw thanks, i go and open my big mouth and say "you know theyre not! you dont even like looking at me!" hello he wouldnt have said anything about them if he didnt like it. i can be so nuts sometimes haha
This is so very true! I'm over analyzing a boy right now, myself. We hang out all the time but haven't yet crossed the line to anything else and I'm constantly reviewing the time we hang out looking for reasons why! I don't want to make the first move and tank the friendship but maybe that means I've crossed into The Friend Zone... BAH! Too much thinking!
haha us girls totally over-analyze everything. i'm trying to pay more attention to what my guy does, versus what he says! i'm horrible at taking compliments too - totally a girl thing. i would take hanging out as obviously you're on his mind, & he wants to see you!
So on Monday night I went out to dinner with a couple friends and a guy they wanted to introduce me to. It wasn't billed as a 'date', just dinner and a movie and us meeting each other sort of thing. Well the night was awesome. I haven't laughed so much/ had so much fun in a loooong time. According to my friend he was 'excited to meet me' and he told me he had a blast too. Yesterday he texted me to say hi and see how things were and we wound up texting back and forth that night. We made plans to 'hang out' this weekend. Except now I don't know if 'hanging out' is a date, or if it's just 'hanging out' (but either way he says he's looking forward to seeing me this weekend, so I'm pretty stoked ). So then I agonized for a bit, and then finally realized it doesn't matter. Whether he likes me or not, we still had a ton of fun together, which will hopefully continue, and I should just sit back and see where this goes.
But unfortunately this realization didn't happen until after a couple rounds of reading our conversation and trying to decipher the meaning behind everything. And hopefully I won't slip back into the previous state of mind. It was a pretty big step for me not to let my self esteem take a hit if I thought he wasn't interested. Even if he's not attracted to me looks wise, I'm okay with that. So I suppose in some way this is a NSV for my self esteem. Now we'll just see how far it takes me this weekend when I actually see him.
Former professional dating coach here...
He likes you.
Guys don't say a lot of things with deeper meanings. Usually they just say what they mean. So if he texted you asking to hang out, he wants to hang out...
...the good thing for you is that guys don't text girls they aren't attracted to and makes plans to hang out. Hope your date goes well.
Why do we always overanalyze boy situations?
). So then I agonized for a bit, and then finally realized it doesn't matter. Whether he likes me or not, we still had a ton of fun together, which will hopefully continue, and I should just sit back and see where this goes. 
i can be so nuts sometimes haha
