To the old you? I know that in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle it is going to take a total lifestyle makeover. So when those old cravings come around, saying you can fix this tomorrow, how do you move past it? I want with ALL my heart to live a happy life being the best mom and wife I can be as a healthier me. The thing is, I've been there. I managed to get there once in 96' only to gain it back plus more. And then again I was able to make it half way there in 06'. But each time the new life didnt' stick. Eventually I slacked saying..being and feeling deprived isn't the way I want to live, so I'll have this now and make up for it tomorrow. It was scary, because as soon as I put those first few pounds on, I felt so defeated. Lo and behold, the old me started rearing it's ugly head. I also know that the statistics are against me, to lose weight and keep it off is something next to a miracle in my mind. I go through success stories, I see them on TV and I just cry inside asking how and why it is they were strong enough to beat it. I realize this may seem like a lot of excuses to stay the way I am, take the easy way out and don't try because the odds seem to be against me anyways.. but it's not. I really need some support and understanding how to beat this and keep it. I'm scared of hitting the wall (plateau), I'm scared of failing again and that is, I think, the biggest excuse to keep me from jumping back on the wagon. I need to move on with a new me and leave the sad, old me behind. I have to.. I feel there's no other choice if I want to be truly happy. I have a goal to get to ONEderland, about 53lbs. That's usually where I hit my wall...

Sorry for the long pitty party, but I figure it's time to ask for advice and stop fighting these feelings on my own. Who better than people struggling with the same thing and perhaps beating the very monster I'm so afraid of.

Thank you for the honest, well-thought out email.

How do you say goodbye? I feel like I have to say goodbye everyday - sometimes multiple times.

I then remind myself of how much more like "me" I feel in my thinner body:

I feel more sexy, I jog with ease, I don't have to always adjust my clothes every time I sit down or stand up, I can go into any clothing store and find something that fits.....

And there will ALWAYS be cases of 10 or 20 lbs of weight gain - and starting over again. that sucks.

I don't always feel like I am depriving myself - I try to think I am eating for the most healthy, fit body.

We are somewhat programmed in our culture to eat too much, eat only for hedonistic reasons. I like to think I am re-programming how I was trained to eat most of my life.

we don't "live to eat" -- we "eat to live"

The feeling I got from your posting was that was you viewed your efforts as futile with little hope of success, and that you feel a sense of failure if there is any backsliding. That is a very "all or nothing" way of looking at it, almost defeating yourself before you start. Maybe if you started out slowly, just cutting back on some of the worst foods, or maybe increasing your exercise a bit so it doesn't feel like it's an overwhelmingly different lifestyle change right off the bat. Obviously you know how to lose the weight because you've done it before, but maybe you need to be a little gentler with yourself with the expectations, and try not to put so much pressure on yourself right off the bat. That may have a backfiring effect. Also, if you lose the weight at a slower pace, you will be more likely to keep it off long term.

I know exactly how you feel.I just recently started to lose weight,and I still want to eat like I did before.But I just try my best, and keep thinking about how I'll look and feel after I lose the weight.I admit sometimes I slip up, and it's going to take a little while before I stop craving bad foods, but I'm still not going to give up.Also, in the past when I tried weight loss, I would hit a plateau where I'd stop losing weight.I would become so discouraged, that I'd give up on losing weight completely.But this time I'm determined to stick it out, and I'm not going to give n so easily.A tip I've learned is that when you do hit a plateau, it's because you're not doing the right kind of exercise.You need to switch it up, do cardio one day, and strength training another.And you should slowly increase the amount of time you work out as well.This will help you avoid hitting plateau.Hope this helps and good luck!

In order for this to work you have to want it very, very badly. In order for you to stick to it, you have to decide to stick to it. People ask me all the time how I lost so much weight and I tell them very simply - that I DECIDED to. I made the decision to be the best me possible and live the best life available to me.

You have to realize that you don't have to be fat/overweight if you don't want to be - that it IS your choice. It is within your hands. You hold the key. You've got the power to change this.

You have to realize that you can't have it both ways - the high calorie/high quantity - AND be the optimal you. The very best you.

Your desire to be thin, slim, trim and fit has to outweigh, overpower and overtake the desire for "those foods".

You have to decide just how it is that you want to spend your life. Wishing, hoping, praying and longing to be thin, slim, fit, healthy and trim - or doing what's REQUIRED and NECESSARY to BE thin, slim, fit, healthy and trim.

You have to decide what matters to you the MOST. The very, very MOST - the short term gratification of "those foods" or the long term satisfaction and all day good feelings that come from being thin, trim, fit and healthy.

You must want to stop settling for second best when first best is WELL within your reach.

You have to recognize that turning down certain foods is NO deprivation. But to remain eating them IS. It's depriving yourself of the best life possible. The one you were intended to have.

You must be WILLING to make and sustain the changes required to lead a healthy lifestyle.

You must realize just how unworth it is to continue on in "this manner" and just how worth it is to be the optimal you. The overthetop benefits that come along with it.

You must stop thinking, and hoping and contemplating and start taking ACTION. Taking the measures needed to lead a healthy lifestyle.

You must be willing to put forth the continual, ongoing effort and the work required to get and stay slim and healthy.

You must be WILLING to get past the initial discomfort of changing ones long time bad and unhealthy eating and exercising behaviors and patterns. Because you know there's a payoff and a reward and you know eventually it WILL become natural and automatic to you.

It has to be a tippy top priority. It has to be something you must focus on. You can't make excuses. Either you want it - or you don't. When it matters so much to you, that you MAKE it happen - regardless of your circumstances. You accept no excuses. You look at every obstacle as a challenge and you find a way around it. Because it matters to you. It's of the utmost of importance to you and to not do so would be ludicrous.

You must DECIDE to do this - once and for all permanently. You decide to do this, you COMMIT to do this - and then it gets done.

Oh and about the statistics - luckily obesity is a condition of CHOICE, so the statistics are not all that telling. It does tell me that I will need to be mindful and responsible always about my food but that's about it, which is good. Knowledge is power. Weight gain/loss/maintenance/re-gain - these are all totally controllable things. They are not left up to chance or to the medical community. It's decided by us and the choices we make. So therefore it doesn't matter if even one person has never kept the weight off because we as individuals have the power TO keep the weight off. It's within our own hands. Stop by the Maintainer's forum to see a whole bunch of peeps beating those odds and making long term maintenance a reality.

And rest assured, you CAN do this. Losing weight IS a doable thing. So, yes, you too CAN do this. And you should. You've got the ability. Don't dread these changes - embrace them. Get excited about them. Because it's a LOVELY way to live. Leading a healthy lifestyle is no hardship or burden, it's a joy and a blessing. And when you decide to do this, and commit to do this - and you get into it (and you will faster than you think), you won't regret it one bit. Not one little itty bit bit. In fact I'm CERTAIN you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

ETA: I just wanted to add, that to not look at it necessarily as saying goodbye to the old you, but HELLO and WELCOME to a NEW, IMPROVED and BETTER, make that absolute best you. And that's nothing to mourn, but something to be excited and elated about. This is a wonderful time of self discovery and self growth. You - only better (best) and as you were intended to be - pretty amazing if you think about it.

Here are some thoughts--which is all anyone on here has! If your weight loss program is too restrictive, then it is harder to stay with it. If you are convinced that it has to be exactly X calories per day, and a heavy workout on top of that, and most of your calories are foods you dislike, then it's less likely you can keep it up day after day, week after week. So if this is where you're at, try to look for a middle ground--a moderate reduction in calories, a moderate workout 6 days a week.

On the other hand, if your program is too loose--if you have cheat days--if you are still treating food as a "reward" instead of nourishment--then it's also less likely you can stay with it. That attitude has to be replaced, so that food isn't what you turn to when the going gets rough, or it's celebration time, or just because you "deserve" it. Again, a middle ground is helpful! Track what you eat, don't give yourself "time off" for holidays--because your body doesn't know from holidays! Every meal is just a meal to the body. At the same time, if you're tracking, you can plan ahead and allow for things like a piece of birthday cake or a special dinner out.

Remember that the "old you" was doing the best she could under the circumstances. She isn't bad or lazy or greedy or any of those things you might call yourself. She learned certain behaviors based on information and materials available. Now she needs re-educating! Now she needs a new bag of tools!

Take it day by day... meal by meal... You can do this.

Jay

I would suggest writing a letter to yourself today telling yourself how you feel when you are eating on plan vs how you feel when you are your "old self". It serves as a reminder when you're having a bad day that your old way was not better. Life is never really greener on the other side of the fence. No matter which side we're on, the other side starts to look better. But with this particular life style change, the healthy side of the fence IS better, we just can't see it sometimes. I think that's why we stop. It can be hard sometimes. It doesn't feel natural. And our bodies are always looking for neutral ground. So sometimes when it just seems too hard, we need to remind ourselves that actually it was harder the other way.

It was harder 30 lbs ago when I had difficulty tieing my shoes, carrying a basket of laundry up the steps, going up the steps to tuck in my little ones, or gather up enough energy to go to the grocery store. It was harder then to say no to junk food. I felt guilty looking at a plate of food and wondering what people thought of me. It was horrible knowing my pants were too tight and I really needed to go buy the next size up but wasn't willing.

You've already gotten some great takes to your open and honest question. I'll chime in a few things.

1. Someone below mentioned avoiding the "all or nothing" attitude. I strongly agree and disagree with this at the same time. The part I disagree with is that for me I had to change a lot of my diet and exercise habits at the same time. I was never going to succeed with the small change a week, all of my other destructive habits would get in the way. I do think different people are different on this point, only you know you the best.

The part I strongly agree with is that if you fail in a decision/food choice/etc, it is a single failure, it's not worth throwing away all your hard effort on. The key is to not all a single failure turn into a day of failure into a week of failure into the old you....

2. I strongly believe that in this area, putting in a lot of "effort" in for any length of time without a plan is in many ways just flailing that will lead to failing. I liken it to a novice swimmer in the middle of the pool flailing their arms and legs to stay afloat. That great effort keeps them afloat for a while, but if they had just been able to swim a direction, head towards the side, they could have made it. I'm a big believer in admitting your weaknesses and accepting the fact that I cannot survive on willpower alone.

3. I also want to emphasize a point RockinRobin was talking about...

We have a tendancy, myself strongly included, to let life happen to us in stead of us happening to our life. That is a subtle wording difference, but massive in real life. For example, how often do we hear (or experience) this...

"Well I was doing great all week until Aunt Sally's birthday party on Friday, I couldn't control myself and then binged all weekend. I stepped on the scale on Monday and I didn't lose any weight in the last week despite all my hard work"

I used to do this all the time, but I try to be a lot better about owning each decision I make and thinking about them ahead of time. Now I try to eat better food before going to the party so I'm not starved when I get there. If I do binge on Friday night, I track all the calories, say "wow that was a LOT of calories, that messed up my day" and then move back onto plan tomorrow.

4. And to your original question, I don't really think of it as saying goodbye to the old me. I am a complex person that is defined by a lot more things than what I eat or how I exercise. Even when I get to goal weight I don't want the first thing that pops into someone's mind when they think of me to be "man that guy is really fit". I'd much rather them think, "He's a good husband, father, friend, musician, boss, etc." Yes I have put effort into decreasing the priority of food in my life (while increasing the quality of that food) and I've increased the priority of exercise, but this does not make a "new me". Others will I'm sure disagree with that, just my take.

I will chime in as well. First of all, don't look at it as saying goodbye to your "old self", it sets a tone of loss in the beginning. You want to celebrate your DECISION to change and say a JUBILANT HELLO to the person you are becoming. Never look at this lifestyle change as a loss. It's a tremendous gain.

When you are thinking about a bad choice of food (cheating), ask yourself how it feels to be cheated on?? You are cheating on yourself. You are cheating your family out of having the best you that's available. None of you deserve that.

I do agree that you have to find what works for YOU!!! I have tried all kinds of ways to get the weight off in 30 years. Almost everything they have had on the market I've tried. There is no quick fix. If you want it you have to go after it. Life is not a group of things randomly happening. We make choices and the consequences or rewards of those choices are what we live. Looking at the success stories on this site should encourage you and let you know you can do it. Don't cry about what you can't do or what the statistics say may not happen. YOU determine what happens especially where your weight is concerned. I had a defeated attitude like the one you are describing but I had a moment of clarity. I can't continue to live tired, no energy, unable to enjoy play time with my toddler, not being able to have extended play time with my husband. I looked at my family members when we were home from Christmas and noticed I was the only fat person there. I decided this has to change. So YOU make the DECISION and make the CHANGE.

If we travel for a couple of days which we had to do the second week after I changed my eating habits, I took our food with us. I didn't leave room for failure. I don't buy things I know will help me sabotage my efforts. I went to the maintainers section to see what they were doing and how they were thinking. I realized the reasons why my efforts failed in the past and made a DECISION to do what I have to do so that I can move on. It is imperative that you set goals and have a plan for reaching those goals. Create expectation for your weight loss. I never liked "GOALS" so I would just lose weight, hit a wall and quit. Then the weight would come back with associates and plenty of those. It was because I let my eating go unchecked. I learned if you fail to plan you plan to fail. Gather whatever strength you have to pull yourself together, do what you do to create hope and make the decision to DO IT!! This site is full of information, support and compassion. We have our individual journey but we travel together. Get on board!!

Wow, Rockinrobin really hit on some great points.

I just wanted to add that I don't have an "old me" at all. I'm still me, I've just made some changes in my life. The person I was at 250 lbs was struggling, but you know what? She got strong! She was the one to make the hard decisions and push through those early stages to get me to where I am today. I'm proud of her. I'm proud of me because I'm still that person.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Think through your food decisions and you'll continue to move forward. You can do it!

I never said goodbye to the old me because she's still in there ready to rear her addictive head anytime there is a cheesecake around. Just call me Sybil...lol To the 195 pounds of fat? "bye, bye!

I think in the past I over dramatized things. I felt I needed to find my "reason" for obesity. I just couldn't except the fact that I was fat because I was addicted to sugar/carbs and I was lazy. I think I mentally tortured myself more trying to make excuses. Once I realized that I had the power to be what ever size I wanted to be, all the excuses I had seemed so absurd.

This is really an excellent post.

I agree that I finally had to own up to the fact that I was picturing all these barriers and excuses to action. But the reality was the real barriers were like 10% of the issue and the other 90% was simple laziness to care about myself enough to do something about it.

Losing weight is hard, but that doesn't mean it has to be painful. It's hard because you have to spend a lot of time thinking about things, making choices, going to the store, cooking, researching, experimenting and reflecting on the results. It doesn't have to be painful, because all that work is about finding your own personal way that you can eat less/burn more and be pretty content with it--not horribly suffering and deprived. If it takes all of your will power to stay on a plan on a daily basis, find a different plan. And trust that one exists that will keep you content and take off the weight.

How do I say goodbye?

Well, unlike when we wave off our friends, I think this goodbye - at least for me - is a long, drawn-out farewell. It's more like the goodbyes to dear ones at the airport - but then not quite that either.

For me, weight loss is part of my ongoing therapy and treatment for depression and dealing with unpleasantries that happened in my youth. I'm learning how to talk about what happened then, and how my behaviour - including my eating habits - was and is affected by that. As a child you learn mechanisms to deal with the things around you, but ('When I was a child....now I am a [wo]man....') now I'm growing up. Or finishing growing up.

See, I think I stopped the maturing process somewhere in my late teens. I was moving to uni, into a much less abusive environment, but garbeblockie*, better the devil you know than the devil you don't? I couldn't adapt my behaviour to my new surroundings. So it's that that I'm slowly doing now - finishing up being an adolescent, growing up, and becoming the adult I'm meant to be. Even those without absuive histories, I'd guess, for all the nostalgic musings about childhood, would not have wanted to stay there. Nor is it ever going to go away. But this process for me is one of growth: the person I used to be has to become part of the bigger picture and take her place in a brand new (and much better) context.

*my latest made up mild swear word