Marital stress - I need to NOT eat the whole grocery store!
Long story short : My husband had his position transferred to a different department [floor] of his building yesterday. It would have sucked. He quit. Just up and quit, and today is his last day. We have about $35 in the bank [not counting the $250/$300 I've stashed away, big woo]. Before that, we spent 2 weeks on-again-off-again separated from a different issue.
I had lost 38 pounds (as of last Friday) to be 217. This morning, I was 223. I don't know if I just ate my way back [because I have been eating like a teenage boy] or if I'm getting my period [it's about that time post-partum] or both.
This is just ridiculous. My husband has been a consistent source of stress for me in the past year. I know I can't control his behavior and need to come to terms with it one way or another. My entire family is angry with him and [most of] his family thinks he's insane. Hearing about it from them on a regular basis is making it so much worse.
Don't give in to emotional eating, that will only make you more upset. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this and with a new baby, too. I don't have any advice other than to hang in there .
Wow. That's immature on a grand scale, especially with a new baby. All I have to offer is a bit of experience with the family - my family gloms onto every bit of marital disharmony I have, too - and at one point, I had to say, "Look, I appreciate that you care, and are trying to show unity with me, but X and I have a problem to solve and your negativity is not helping. Please don't bring it up unless I do, okay?" And then stop providing any details. They love you, it's a form of loyalty, but unless they're ready to provide either a job for your husband, or a place for you and the kids to stay ... it's negative energy that won't help resolve anything.
Good luck. And quit eating. It won't help. Put him in the stroller or the sling, and go for a walk.
The worst time of my marriage was right after our first daughter was born. We had moved 1000 miles when she was two weeks old. Neither of us had jobs, it was awful!! But it was all worth fighting for. That was over 6 years ago for us, and now we are stronger than the day we got married. Sometimes you need to give each other space and just focus on yourself & baby. If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy! You can do this!
Just remember how far you've come, and that eating will only temporarily make you feel better (and VERY temporarily at that!) ICUWishing is right... a walk is much more effective in de-stressing.
I can't offer much advice about marital problems, but I do know babies! And while $$ might be an issue right now, know that a happy newborn just needs food, warmth, and love.
Marital issues are a slippery slope. If they start sliding down you are likely to have an avalanche. None of which is going to reflect well on the scale or your general well being.
My only advice in that space is to try and find whatever it is that makes you know you want to be with that person forever. Then concentrate on that. Everything else is just noise pushing and pulling on you.
Once I truly decided I was going to be with my husband forever which by the way was not at the beginning of our relationship it became a whole lot easier to work threw all of the crap and believe me there was a lot of it.
We have been together for 15 years now and I can't imagine life without him.
Altari--you must put yourself and your child first right now! Let nothing and no one come between you and what you NEED to be doing. Caring for yourself in every way so you are able to provide for your baby IN EVERY WAY is paramount--it is the ultimate goal right now. Don't take your eye off that goal.
Unfortunately, there aren't any answers IN the food! You can eat and eat and not even one solid answer will come from even the tastiest creation.
Also, I know it's difficult but try not to discuss hubby issues with the family--it ends up biting you in the backside and is unfair to hubby.
Thanks. I didn't want to discuss it with my family, but I had too. Hubby and I were already facing possible bankruptcy/foreclosure, so my parents were preparing to house us again. But, my dad is MUCH more upset about that now that hubby just jumped off the ledge on a whim. A rightly so. If he had to house us because we just couldn't make it, that's one thing. Having to do it because my husband decided to quit his job without another one...well...that's a much different story. So, yeah, if my parents weren't already heavily invested in the situation I wouldn't be keeping them up-to-date.
Maybe I will go for a walk. I'm just so tired [haven't been sleeping well, between hubby's crap and baby's crying] and I have work to get done [all sitting in front of a computer].
Altari, I don't have any answers either, but I just want to give you some support. Being a new mom, in addition to all of these other stresses, makes for a pretty scary time. I agree with other posters, that you should probably try to keep as much of your personal relationship troubles with your spouse to yourself. I am relieved that you have a supportive family that can help you and your child/ren so you won't be homeless. But families sometimes try to force people to choose sides. I've seen this happen in my in-laws. MIL can be pretty intrusive in her kids' marriage, although she is an awesome grandma. I think that she had a very big part in the break-up of SIL's marriage. Anyway, I think the most important thing is to take the very best care of yourself and your kid/s right now--whether you are with your husband or not.
Marital stress - I need to NOT eat the whole grocery store!
Put him in the stroller or the sling, and go for a walk.
