So...on Friday, I went shopping at a distant mall because someone gave me a gift card...you know they start taking away money after a year so this month is the year anniversary of the card and I didn't want to lose anything.

I tried on clothes at various stores, I've lost weight so I should be a certain size-at least comfortably fitting into my currant size and not a sausage. Everything I tried on was too small! Even clothes in my currant size! So in great disgust I bought some music CD's and a McDonalds McFlurry for the ride home. So where is the logic behind that? So that set me up for a bad weekend. But I've crawled out of my sugar overload and will continue on my journey to better health, not beat myself up over a mis-step.

But I wonder why do we sabotage ourselves? It's a common way to cope with being on the fluffy side of life, but why do we let ourselves go down that rode? I mean, we know that the reason clothes don't fit is because we've had a few too many McFlurries (or whatever your comfort food is) in the past. So why do we still chose to return to those comfort foods when we are upset or annoyed?

Just wondering.
Sarah in MD

Sarah, it's a great question. There are tons of answers and an even greater number of books and articles that you can read on this topic. But what really matters is how you can fix it.

Here's what's true for me. An experience (like not fitting into clothes when I thought I would) makes me feel bad. I don't like that and want to feel good, so I do what has been my go-to activity for feeling good in the past: eating.

Another reason: An experience (like not fitting into clothes when I thought I would) makes me feel bad and my perfectionistic inner critic (who is truly evil) starts chattering away in my head, making me feel worse. I want to shut her up, so I eat. Like alcohol for an alcoholic, food has the ability to make me forget and be in the moment.

The solutions for me? Find something ELSE--preferably something healthy, energizing, and beneficial--to make me feel good. Possibilities include, but are not limited to:

• going shopping for things that make me feel pretty but aren't sized, like purses, scarves, etc.
• going shopping for clothes that make me feel small--like shopping at Lane Bryant when you're at the bottom end of their size scale, or shopping for the "shape" jeans at Fashion Bug (where I'm a size 2! )
• going shopping at an upscale store (like Nordstrom's), where the sizes run bigger, to remind myself that the size number is NOT an absolute!!!
• going for a walk, hike, jog, etc.
• taking a yoga class
• reading a book
• buying a treat that isn't food oriented, like a magazine
• talking with a friend
• posting on here
• seeing a movie or renting a DVD
• playing games online
• e-mailing or skyping with friends
• having coffee with a friend
• spending time outdoors
• gardening
• getting a manicure or pedicure
• doing craft projects
• dancing like a nut to music in my living room

As for the forgetting, as much as I want to do that, I know it's not the best thing. I need to face those feelings. First, I do a trick I learned from SARK and send my evil inner critic off to a far corner of the globe to do an endless task (like go to Siberia and shovel snow with a teaspoon). Crazy, but it works! Then I take time to considerately focus on my feelings and work on them. Technically, I should journal, but I don't always get to that.

You might also try reading this article. It has two really great techniques that might help.

Most importantly, give yourself a big hug and forgive yourself. As Geneen Roth says, overeating isn't something to do with a lack of willpower. We're trying to fix our problems the best way we know how at the time. We're learning and growing and getting better at handling things. One day, your instinct will be to do healthier things to help yourself feel better. In the meantime, do 3-5 days of Phase 1 to get rid of the McFlurry cravings, and celebrate the things you've learned!

Sarah, I FEEL your frustration! I hate, hate, hate shopping! Regular sized clothes are too tight/small/low waist. Plus size clothes are too old/frumpy/ugly. It's so hard! I tend to buy shoes and whatever 'treat' I think will make me feel better. I don't know the answer. Naked isn't the answer. ewww! Wonder if Oprah's shopper wants to shop for us?

Anyway, I guess my suggestion would be to forgive yourself for the Mcflurry and get back on the SBD bandwagon ASAP. Maybe your next trip to the mall won't be so painful.

Laurie, I'm going to remember to give my Inner Critic a far-away job. Mine sure can talk ugly to me! Thanks!

Chelby, you are a riot! Actually, Oprah's a big advocate of tailoring clothes. I've never tried it, but that could be a viable option, especially if you (or someone you know) sew!

Have you tried the "right fit" jeans (that's the correct name for the "shape" jeans I mentioned above) yet? They have/had them at Lane Bryant and at Fashion Bug (in the regular and plus size sections). They have different shapes and colors in regards to your hip/waist ratio (circle, triangle, and square), and they make more than jeans...at least dress pants, and maybe other things? The BEST part is that they created all new sizes (1-7) so that you feel TINY even if the biggest plus size! I know it's silly, but I get a huge jolt of happiness when I see that "2" on the tag in my plus-size jeans!

Anyways, I'm a triangle, because my waist is really small compared to my hips. My whole life I've had trouble with waists that gape at the back, but in these jeans they don't! Plus, they make me look amazing! :blush: I went shopping with a friend who is a circle (and a size 3, thankyouverymuch), and she bought two pairs of different kinds of jeans and looks amazing in both! We're sold!

It's definatly an improvement for me to stop after only 1 1/2 days of overeating when I hit a a bump. Usually I fall away and don't climb back out until the scale goes up big time...like I've gained 5-10 pounds and then decide I need to get back to eating healthy. So it's a serious of baby steps, sometimes I think it's 2 steps forward and 1 back. You'll gradually see improvement just takes a whole lot of time.

Sarah

Because the McFlurry feels good NOW, and the benefit of skipping it comes later.

For me at least, I have to work on making future consequences (whether good or bad) seem real now. I mean, if my hair is on fire, I don't feel too lazy to do something about it! When I wake up in the morning, I don't want to go to work, but I do - not as urgent as the fire, but still gets done. So there's a continuum - and somewhere between hair on fire and keeping my job and future weight loss, the reality of the consequences of my actions/inactions gets lost.

That's part of the reason I do a lot better by focusing on how my choices affect me today and make me feel tomorrow - that keeps me going easier than something further in the future:

I know an Egg McMuffin isn't going to feel great after I eat it, physically or emotionally. I can relate to that, if I've taken the time to notice how they actually make me feel. But weight loss is harder to use as motivation - after all, it IS true that one Egg McMuffin isn't going to strike me fat. But it IS true that one Egg McMuffin will change how I feel tonight. That's more concrete, at least for me.

Sarah

It's aHUGEimprovement when we cut our losses and don't head off on a big tear. That is such great progress! Last night I took a bite of this crappy dessert I was going to throw away(all my SB desserts aren't this bad).
I said, "self why are you going to swallow this?" and spit it out. I'd like to end my career as "human garbage disposal"!

Thanks, Beachgal, Chelby and Sunshine for your feedback. When I made the decision to Join 3FC and incorporate SB into a WOL, it was my response to a disappointing and disgusting experience with my clothes. A month in I had to have my picture taken for the newspaper. By then I was able to accept that the only way these feelings will change is if I step out of the problem and into the solution.

For me, right now, I'm not shopping. I make do with what I have. When I perused my closet last week I looked at my winter fat clothes and said to self, "you aren't going to be in these when winter comes". And I won't.

Best wishes everyone!