I am so tired of hearing you have such a pretty face if only.....
I think we know how the rest of that statement goes. How do you all respond to that. And what if it was a guy you really like and have been seeing each other for awhile but really doesnt want to commit to you because your weight. I know the correct answer here is well you know F$@! off. And that hes not the right guy for you because he should love you no matter what. But sometimes its hard to just let go to someone youve been with for a while but not really in a serious commited relationship but really like this guy. I would just like some insight on what you all have done when/if someone has sayed that to you!!
I only ever hear "you have such a pretty face" it can be a very discouraging to hear this especially from someone you know and love (and even those you don't). I have no advice to offer you on whether or not to let this person go, i know if i were in that situation i would tell him to F off but of course as you know, most would say that. Good luck on your weight loss and in life!
For me, most of the time I hear that is from my ever so helpful FAMILY - the statement usually is followed by how skinny and beautiful is my cousin. I say, my cousin has always been beautiful and discover reasons why I need to leave the room. I have learned to ignore the pain this statement once caused but before I taught myself that handy trick - I felt horrible about myself for hours. We all know what that does and it's not making yourself get a gym membership it more likely causes us to get something tasty. You must believe in you - and you are precious, beautiful, kind and considerate person who "accidently" met someone who doesn't hold those traits. The person your looking for does exist - and is probably kissing as many toads getting to you as you are getting to him. Recognize All That You Are and All You Want To Be and make it happen solely FOR YOU!
Relationships are hard enough with someone who fully loves you, accepts you and is commited to you. Dont stay with someone who uses that as an excuse to basically have freedom to sleep with whoever they want and blame it on you.
You do deserve better!
And to reply to the youd be so pretty if youd just lose weight Id say Youd be so nice if youd just learn to keep your mouth shut.
Kinda like my MIL said to my DS (2) Your mommy needs to go on the biggest loser I said Yes and your grandmother needs to go to an ettiquete class to learn some manners and a proper way to speak to people.
i would just like to say that you deserve someone that loves you just the way you are. look around on the site. there are many of us that are very overweight, obese what have you that are married, engaged, in relationships with people that love us.
the issue isnt with the statement the issue is that you arent comfortable with yourself. it wouldnt bother you if your self esteem was at a point where u know you are beautiful regardless. well i think you are beautiful and you should think you are beautiful right where u are now. i look at all my rolls, dimples and cellulite and love me RIGHT NOW! love yourself enough right now to tell that guy to take a hike, love yourself right now to know immediately that you deserve unconditional love at any size, love yourself enough to know that he is giving you excuses cause in the end he doesnt want what you want and you shouldnt waste anymore time or effort on him.
and then...lose what you want to lose for you and don't ever let him breathe near you again!
Heh. I always find it a little funny when people on here complain about the "such a pretty face" comment... Of course I can see why it's a totally inappropriate and offensive remark to make about someone's appearance, and any woman is 100% justified in being p*ssed off about hearing something like that, but my instinctual reaction is always Well jeez, *I've* never even been told that I have a pretty *face*, so I guess I must be screwed! Hehe!
Haha, I'm with you star. I've never been told I'm pretty (as a matter of fact, I got a look and then shudder a couple of days ago. That was a nice self esteem blow). So I guess I have to attempt to get a decent body so there's at least some redeeming physical quality about me.
And it's easy to be looking in from the outside and say you deserve better. And that's 100% true. You do deserve someone who loves you exactly the way you are. But every single person on this site can chime in and tell you that, and you very well may still feel the way you do now. It's not easy to let someone go, even if they're not treating you the way you deserve. I like to think that I would've told him off, but I probably would've just sat back and said nothing. It's ultimately up to you to decide what course of action you think is necessary.
Well then I will take this opportunity to say, Meredith, you have a very pretty face!!
Countrygal, it's really hard not to wish to be with someone who's bad for you but who you really like...but obviously you deserve someone who wants to be with you 100% !! But i really understand:-) It is his problem, not anything to do with your weight.
I dont think you all took that correctly, the guy Im seeing now has not told me that. But I have been told that before and was just seeing how you all responded to that statement. I dont have a low self esteem, and Im beautiful in my own way, you could even call me conceited.
I don't even hear "you have such a pretty face" T_T
my aunt always go "this hair doesn't suit you"
other aunt "did you gain weight"
another one "my daughter is better than you"
......................
anyways, i guess just take it as a compliment. Before I usually got hurt by those thoughtless comments but they think they're encouraging.... But I came to the point that I just think they are just stupid so just take it as compliment and say "thank you".
I've heard this so, SO many times. Seriously. It drives me absolutely wonkers!!! Even if they don't say the "if only...." you can hear it because its totally unsaid. You can see it in their faces. *sigh*
Also, as for the guy thing... I totally hear you. My problem, though, seems to be that my "pretty face" and big boobs and "awesome personality" is great for them to be "friends with benefits".... you know, that chick you hook up with at 2 am, or who you only hang out with alone, etc.... and when you're around your other friends she's just your friend...... etc etc. When it comes to committing though... they want the model girlfriend. Because its hard enough for a guy to decide to commit as it is.... so if they're going to bite the bullet... it better be to Miss I'm Perfect In Every Way!!!
I'll second it, Meredith, you have a very pretty face.
I've gotten that before, and I cry, a lot. Its really easy to say oh, they're jerks, they shouldn't say stuff like that, I'm a great person, etc. But I still cry, not in front of them, but it happens. Thankfully my cat is very cuddly.
I've also gotten (from my mother) - you know, you're the smart one, you're sister is the pretty one with the personality. Well thanks mom. Appreciate that. Why do family members feel the need to say things like this !?
CountryGal, have you seen the movie... He's Just Not That Into You. I LOVED that movie. I read the book and while I didn't agree with everything the author says, it does make you think... why should I put up with less than the best?
I'm a big believer that we LET people treat us the way we do. I, myself, am kind of a pushover and consequently feel like I'm the butt of many jokes or people will say negative things about me that they wouldn't say about someone else. And it's true... someone else probably wouldn't LET them say it. They have confidence that I wish I had.
But in my current relationship, I am really trying to be a strong and worthy person. My bf went through this jerky phase and finally I said "Knock it off, or I'm leaving. I CAN live without you." And he really did straighten up. I realize that if you allow yourself to be the person people walk over, people WILL walk over you.
As for weight... well, maybe you'll lose it. Maybe he'll commit. But what if you gain it back? People with weight issues tend to have them forever. My mom hasn't been overweight in 30 years but she still has food issues. My aunt got sick and had to be put on steroids and gained 100 lbs. Many years later she lost but a few years after that... gained it all back.
I don't know.. there's no guarantees in life. And it sounds like to be with this person there is a stipulation. Like bjeweled said, there are many of us who are in committed relationships with people who find us beautiful no matter our size.
Oh yeah and count me in on the never been given the line "such a pretty face"... I get "cute" a lot but I usually attribute that to my short stature.
You have such a pretty face if only......
and love for you beautiful!
