Little background. I started binging and purging a few years ago. Loved how it felt (being able to eat all this good food then being able to get rid of it and start over again). Started taking laxatives on and off. Haven't purged for almost a year now which is obvious because I've gained 40 pounds. I have been on and off every single diet known to man kind and just yesterday I attempted the master cleanse again but I ended up laying in the bathtub crying because the feelings that came back (from drinking the laxative tea) were so scary to me, I didn't want to end up on that road again.

I have super crappy eating habits. In a day I will maybe eat one type of fruit or vegetable. I flock towards junk food and I will eat and eat and eat until I feel sick. I have actually noticed in the past couple of days that my 5 year old son is going that way too. They actually eat pretty healthy, I'm the one who sneaks into the kitchen to grab food. When I make a dessert or something my 5 year old will eat and eat and then say he's SO full, then start eating again because "it's so good". I do not want my kids to go down the same route as I have gone down. I want them to have a healthy relationship with food. My 3 year old has digestive problems and after a 5 day stay in the hospital is on a heavy dose of laxatives twice a day. I was told that his diet is fine, but I start to doubt myself.

Anyways, I want to lose this weight, but I want to stop obsessing about food. As I'm eating the first meal of the day I can't stop thinking about the 2nd meal of the day, when I'm eating the 2nd meal of the day I can't stop thiking about the 3rd meal I'll have. It's horrible.

Where do you get started?!?!

Would you be able to talk to a dietician? He could give you advice for you and your kids; he may have experience dealing with eating issues.

I actually spoke to the one dietician who works here when my son was in the hospital and he was USELESS. He suggested that I keep his diet the same and add one chocolate chip fiber one bar to his diet everyday to add fiber. That was the extent of his help.

Hi BabyGrant. Hugs.
I've been down the road you are on and I thought I would offer my support and put in my 2cents.
In order to get started what I would suggest is getting as knowledgeable and researching as much as you can about nutrition.
I never realized how addicting and damaging processed foods are for me. I would wonder why I couldn't stop at one piece of white toast, or one bowl of Kraft Dinner. I would binge binge binge on chips and french fries and those instant noodles.
I simply can't have them.
I can't stop.
I need to fill my diet with whole foods or I can't function. Once I binge, I can't exercise or focus or be happy with myself. I can't be balanced with my well being.
I don't know if that's the best suggestion for you, but I like to know what I'm getting into and research as much as possible.
I hope your crummy day gets nothing but better.

This really hit home. When I eat better I am such a wonderful mom. When I am eating crappy, I am so moody and my poor kids. I don't have the energy to run outside and play with them, I don't have the patience to sit for hours and play board games. *crying* I know I need to do this for myself and for my kids....but it's just so hard.

I'm going to the library in a couple of minutes here to pick up some books on nutrition.