Hi All,
I live in Ohio, near Cleveland.

When I was a kid my parents always gave me crap about how I needed to lose weight. When I was 8 years old my Mom weighed me and I weighted 78 pounds. I was also really tall for my age, the tallest kid in my grade at school. She put me on a diet. A week later she weighed me again, and I weighed 80 pounds, so she spanked me and sent me to my room for the night, yelling about how I must have been cheating all week long and sneaking food. But I wasn't, I swear.

When I met my husband and we started dating it became evident he likes thin girls. Then I was 24, 5'8", wearing a size 16, weighing in at around 215. When I moved in with him started walking to work every day and home from work, about a mile each way, and without even trying I lost 10 pounds in two months. I loved the feeling of being thinner, so I really went for it. I started really watching what I ate and excercising a lot more. I dropped about 50 pounds and got down to a size 9/10. ON my wedding day my Mom said she had never been prouder of me for anything then losing all this weight.

We started our own business. We make independent films. When I graduated college I went from my very physical factory job to an office job in my field. Even though I still eat healthy and try to excercise as much as I can, I have gained all my weight back. I hate it. I feel so ugly. And it doesn't help that we run a film company and I am around gorgeous skinny actresses all the time.

I have done some acting, and I am a pretty decent musician. No one wants me in their band because I'm too fat. No director wants to cast me in their movie because I'm too fat. In fact most directors don't even invite me to an audition once they see my pictures. An actor friend of mine recomended me for a role in a movie he is also starring in. He told me this director is very undescriminate about different body types and stuff, and my weight shouldn't be an issue. Well I sent the guy my resume and pictures and he never got back to me. THen I find out all his girls are members of the Ohio Bikini Team. I felt really stupid. And he must have really thought I was digusting to not even email me back.

It's not like I want to be a career actress or musician... But those are both things I like to do. I've graduated college, I have a kickass field job, and now it's time to do things I want to do.

I am also going to Europe next summer. I am really tring to get a few pounds off before I go.

It seems like nothing I do works. I try different kinds of excercising and I see a difference for maybe a week, then I see no difference at all. My friend wants me to take a pole dancing class with her at the Y. But it's so easy for her to suggest that, she's a drop dead gorgeous Barbie-Doll stripper. How will I pole dance if I can't even lift my fat *** off the ground?

I know my husband doesn't find me as attractive now. We don't have sex that much anymore.

My Mom also gives me a bunch of crap about how I was so pretty when I was thin and now I've lost my looks.

I hate this... I feel like my body is not my body. I feel like I am carrying around someone else's skin. When I look in the mirror I hate what I see, and the person I see is not me.

I came here in hopes of finding other people who understand.

So that's my story, for all who are interested.

Cheers,
Cynder

Hi Cyder, and . Sounds like you've had quite a battle with your weight throughout your life. You've come to the right place for support and advice.

Hey Cynder!

First of all, and I mean this truly...your beauty is not tied to your weight. Attractiveness is probably 90% attitude and 10% whatever other standards people have...loving who you are NOW will let you not ONLY be more attractive, but also realize that you're WORTH making healthy, positive changes...not so your mom or husband will think you're prettier, or so some casting director doesn't make pigheaded comments, but because you deserve to be the happiest, healthiest you that you can be.

That being said, whatever healthy eating plan you choose, we probably have a forum for it, so look around! And for what it's worth, those stripper aerobics classes actually have folks of all different sizes (at least here they do!) and can do WONDERS for body confidence.

Stick around and post - can't wait to hear more from you soon!

Thanks to both of you.

I just checked out the YMCA site for my town and didn't even see a pole dancing class being offered, so I don't know what she's talking about.

I want to lose 5 pounds by the end of October.

I am not really on any particular plan. I just try to stick to below 1500 calories a day. I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables, Specil K bars, etc. And if I must eat fast food, which isn't very often I always go to Burger King because they have Vedgie Burgers there.

I agree with everyone here! You've come to the right place! I'm new here, too and I think this is a nice place to nest.
mamaduck

Hi You could totally meet your goal! Hang with us...read the "goal" and mini-goal stories and pix...post away!

If I want to post my goal somewhere where do I do that? Because isn't the goal forum for people who've already met there's?

Cynder - Your goal can be in your profile or - after you have been her 20 days, your signature.

You CAN do this - but - Amanda is right - you are beautiful NOW!

I look forward to your posts here at 3FC - it is a wonderful site and great for helping you along your journey!

Hey Cynder

Our attractiveness... and more importantly, our self-worth is mutually exclusive of our weight.

I'm very sorry that from a young age you've had to deal with people who judge you only about your weight. When I was 5 I weighed 100 pounds, and I was the tallest kid in the class as well. (Did you know that it has now been determined the best way to help children lose weight & stay healthy is to focus on getting more physically active... not restricting food. If only our parents had known.)

You are not just a "pretty face" or a "size 10". You are a woman with a strong career and future. Nothing holds you back except for your own self-doubt. You choose every single day how to allow others to treat you. And using the "They didn't <insert whatever>, because I'm fat" excuse doesn't really improve anything.

Yes, you're within a career where looks do matter. But that does not mean that being rejected for a job means you're disgusting.

Wanting to lose weight does often begin with feeling awful, with feeling disgusting... but over time I realized that I was disgusted with how I was treating myself. I deserve to eat healthy & to exercise, no matter what size clothing I pick up. I deserve to treasure & pamper my body. To enjoy it as I run and move. My body allows me to experience all that I have on Earth, and I'd been disrespecting it for my entire life. Not just by feeding myself junk, and being sedentary, but by not appreciating it. Hating our bodies, really just breeds more unhealthy habits.

You deserve to feel good about the skin you're in. You also deserve to respect yourself. Don't think of it as "workout = thin". Think of it as "workout=healthy for my body". There are going to be times when we plateau, when we maintain. Do we stop trying to move forward? Do we stop working out because we are "done"? Never! These changes are for the rest of our lives.

You can do this. You deserve to do this for yourself, not for your mom, not for your husband, not for the people you work with. For yourself.

Last night I ran into a friend of mine (actually I mentioned her earlier in this thread, the stripper.) I haven't seen her in about three weeks. She was like "My God! I can't believe how much weight you've lost!" That made my day. At first I was a little taken aback. It took me a few seconds to respond, because it's been a long time since someone really complimented me. I hope she doesn't think I was being rude or anything. I doubt it though, she knows me.

I had to go to the Doctor today and like any Dr. visit the first thing they did was weigh me. I don't know the exact time frame here... but I've lost seven pounds since we first started shooting our current film. I believe we started the first weekend of June.

And instead of doing a traditional workout, on nights when my husband is working and I have the house to myself I move the coffee table out of the way and dance for about an hour. I like doing that because aside from the calories it burns it feels good. I kind of experience a mini catharsis when I dance.

I really want my own stripper pole! Lol........

I have always had a self image problem, and along with my diet i got a self helpish book called think thin be thin. It seems kinda corney when you start reading it, but if you do alot of the workbook things it really helps!

Welcome Priestess!!!!

I understand where you're coming from with the whole "business" of skinny. I am also a musician...more-so right now for hobby and therapy...but someday I'd like to get the guts to perform my own material. I say if you love acting and music, keep doing it. Don't stop

About the pole dancing Have you ever tried Carmen Electra's dance videos? I hear they're good.

Hope to see you posting around!!

I just wanted to say

You have come to the right place for support, advice and inspiration. Everyone here seems to be able to relate to another. It helps. Please take the advice of many others and remember you have to learn to love yourself or else you will never be happy. No matter how much weight you loose you will find something else wrong.

I hope to see you around and see your progress.

Hi, Welcome to the forum.

May I suggest visit Naturally-Thin dot com, because there's a nice forum there, also on a yahoo group , of women who really hit the wall before letting it all go, then finally, the weight just came off naturally! The book was written by a nurse. It's a wonder you didn't develop an eating disorder with a looks-conscious mother like that! But that's a generation who equated self-esteem with looks, so we have to have compassion on our parents!

Best wishes!
Louise