[goofgirl]

Hi Everyone,

I've been a member at 3fc for many years, but I am just now coming back after some time away. I've never posted in this group, because it seems I'm just now really getting the idea of what a compulsive eater I am. There is no way anyone without an eating disorder would know as much about nutrition and exercise and have as many books on such as I do, and still be overweight and out of shape. Of course that also goes along with a history of obsessing about food- the next time I am going to buy it, the next time I'm going to eat it, how long it's been since I at it last, what I will do if I have to make a choice about it; what the people I'm with are going to eat, if they will judge me for what, when, and how much I choose to eat.... aaaaack!! I'm sure many of you can relate.

I'm not a binge eater, mostly because I don't dare give in to my urges to eat inhuman amounts of certain foods. I do think about food all the time (have since I was a kid), and nearly panic when I am out and try to make a healthier choice, versus ordering the fattiest thing on the menu. I have been fit in my life, briefly, but for the most part have been overweight from a young age. I have been diagnosed with severe depression in the past, but take medication which has helped tremendously. I know I use food as a comfort, stress reliever, and subconciously, a punishment. I think about going to therapy or an eating disorder clinic, but don't know if that is more intensity than I need. Of course, that's probably denial... lol...

So, I really need to be here. I'm hoping to learn from you all and see what you are doing to bring your life back into control. I am focusing on exercising right now, as I haven't worked out in a good eight months. I am also trying to make healthier food choices, but not eliminate anything entirely. Anyway, I'll be reading your posts and posting frequently myself. It's time to confront my issues and move on with my life.

Thanks for listening!

Jessica

[rileysmom32]

I too think about food all the time. I exercise regularly and yet am 25-30 pounds overweight. I wake up and struggle with what I want to eat for breakfast and so it goes all day. I know what I should eat.....and usually start out strong with a healthy breakfast. By lunch I am ignoring the salad I packed for lunch and opting for a cheeseburger and fries. On a stressful busy day at work I find myself running in to the breakroom to steal cookies, crackers, ANYTHING! All I can think about is when I will get to eat again. All the while I am definately not hungry. THe worst part is I really like healthy food. I like the taste of veggies and fruit and lean meat. I feel like crap when I eat fatty heavy foods, but can't seem to control myself. Once I start I can't seem to stop.
For some reason if I go out to eat with friends or eat lunch with coworkers I feel like I need to eat a huge meal. Like there is a stigma attached to trying to be healthy and I will be judged because I am choosing a healthier meal than the person I am eating with.
Its worse at home with my husband. I try to explain all this to him and he just doesn't get it. THen he offers to run and get a six pack of beer while I make some nachos. It is so frustrating. I am at a point of just wanting to give up trying. But I really do want to be healthy and feel good about myself.
I too have thought about going to therapy, but I just can't bring myself to believe that I really need it. So maybe I am in denial too! lol. But I think if I found some true support I can get over this.
Nicole

[SmushPants]

Hi Goofgirl,

I am new here myself. I am just starting to realize how intense of a problem complusive eating is. As a teen I would binge and purge but never considered myself bulimic since I didn't think I did it often enough (denial I suppose). Now I compulsively eat but never considered that an "eating disorder." I just thought I was too fat and lazy (I'm about 50 pounds overweight) to get control of myself.

I developed gestational diabetes during my two pregnancies which kind of woke me up to eating healthy. I was diet controlled which was VERY hard to maintain, but I never needed insulin which I am grateful for. However once the pregnancies were over I binged to make up for the months I had to give up my comfort food. I'm afraid now of starting my kids down the dangerous road that I find myself on as far as eating is concerned.

So...through out all that time I have acquired and read a ton of books on every different diet available, natural health (I am a huge fan of this), nutrition and how to eat to beat diabetes (I currently do not have diabetes, but have a much greater risk of developing it now that I had it during pregnancy).

Last year I had my first inkling that my eating was a problem bigger than I thought and saw a therapist very briefly. It wasn't a good fit, but I may try again to find someone else.. The support from boards like these prove very helpful though. Reading their stories made me see so much of myself and my problems.

Good luck! Hopefully we can do it and will find some great support here along the way.