well another post had reminded me of a argument a friend and i had. she was over for supper one night. i had told my 8 year old daughter that 2 tacos and chips was enough to eat. now they were not from taco bell. i made them so they are a lot bigger then you get there. she thought by telling her that i would make her think she was fat. she said she lets her kids eat till they are full and that they are kids and work it off. I know for me if my mother and father would have gave me limits on things and exercised with me things might have been different today. my kids are very active and when they are in sport i do make sure they take in more calories i think they need that when you practice 3 times a week and games 2 times a week. but at the same time i don't think it is good to let them eat till they think they are about to blow up. just wondering what everyone else did.
adah
I agree with you... and so does a friend of mine. I think since I'm more likely to overeat I watch my daughter more. The other day, I asked her if she wanted to eat because she was hungry in her head or if her tummy was rumbly... she said she was hungry in her head. So, I told her to find something to get her mind off of it. About an hour later she came to me and said her tummy said she was hungry and I got her a healthy snack. A friend of mine said she noticed that her daughter was trying to sneak food into her bedroom and the bathroom... sound familiar? I try to sneak food quite often. I think it's very healthy to teach your child control when it comes to eating. I just tell my daughter that it is not healthy to eat unhealthy foods and that's it's unhealthy to eat to much.
Food was pushed on me... still is from my mom. I had to eat everything on my plate rather I was hungry or not and I was praised with food and when I was hurt she fed me. And I'm pretty sure that if it was different I would not have the emotional eating problem I have today.
My kids aren't as old as yours, but I'm already starting this with them. I think it is very important to set boundaries with food. I don't want my boys to have an unhealthy relationship with food like I do/did. My mom also let me eat whatever I wanted whenever and let me eat until I was stuffed. My 3 year old will eat slice after slice of pizza if I allow him...I usually just make the Digornos (sp?) and I cut the slices really small so after 3 really small slices I cut him off. I also dilute juice and limit it to 3 very small glasses a day, the rest of the day is water. So NO, I don't think what you did was wrong, you are preventing your kids from going through the same thing you did and that's a great thing. We all know how hard it is to be overweight and we want to see the cycle stop.
Milleradah, I agree with you too! My daughter is 12, and has always been in the 90th percentile on the height / weight chart. BUT, since puberty hit, she is overweight, and I know she has food issues as she is an emotional eater, also hides and sneaks food. I have always talked to her about being healthy, eating healthy, etc, but have tried to tippy toe around the subject so as not to hurt her feelings. Last summer, a friend told me that her daughter, also overweight, had thickened, sort of tan skin on the back of her neck and that she'd learned it was a sign of high blood sugar and a precurser to diabetes. My daughter had the same darkened skin, I thought she wasnt washing well and I had tried to scrub it off! I researched the issue, and found that it was indeed a sign of high blood sugar (it is called acanthosis nigricans.) All of this REALLY scared me, she was only 12! So we had a long, very frank discussion about it, I showed her the research and told her point blank, you're eating too much and I want for you to be healthy. Since then, she is eating much more healthy, has lost about 20 lbs, and the skin on the back of her neck is normal again. I decided that even though I didnt want to hurt her feelings, I couldnt live with the idea that I'd overlooked such unhealthy habits to spare her feelings at the expense of her health. So go for it- your mom instincts are right on, imo.
Do you think that as a kid, if given the choice, I'd choose the lean chicken or the cheesecake? There's no need to measure exactly what goes into their mouths or have them jump on a scale (scary & obsessive O_O), but to say "No, I think you've had enough cookies/tacos/cheese doodles." That's what parenting is!
It's also teaches them to watch their portions in a non-aggressive manner. Saying, "Three cookies is enough." Simply says that some treats are okay, a lot of sweets are not healthy. Nothing wrong with that!
Interesting. I just had a conversation with my kids' pediatrician about this today. I really believe in letting kids self-regulate intake from a variety of healthy choices. He had asked how much my 5 year old son eats. I joked that I think he only eats about once a week. That is sort of true. He'll eat a couple of bites of whatever we are having most days and then there are occasional days where he can't get enough. I thought he seemed small for his age (at least compared to his cousin, same age, a full head taller), but he has stayed on his trajectory and is normal. The pediatrician said that he has to worry a lot more about the opposite issue---kids that are overweight and eat too much.
So I think it depends on the kid. I never make my kids clean their plates, but I never hold back if they want more dinner or lunch or fruit or whatever. They self-limit sweets enough that I have never had to intervene. They are all string beans and involved in sports. I figure if they are extra hungry, maybe they are growing or have played extra hard.
My daughter is almost 8 and if she wanted another taco, I would have let her have it. Just different parenting strategies is all. DH has never had a weight problem and self-regulates his intake well. It is possible, and so far my kids are doing just fine. There is a balance between honoring the importance of nutrition and taking food too seriously. Kids are a blank slate and seem to be free of our adult hangups---mostly. I'm not sure if or how my philosophy would change if one of my kiddos was overweight. That is a very loaded thought and I would have to consider it carefully.
Last edited by midwife; 01-31-2008 at 07:12 PM.
Reason: spelling
Well, I totally understand and respect all of your comments but I need to add a different perspective.
I was the kid that was totally 'regulated' by my parents. I was not overweight, but I thought I was (looking back at pictures it was obvious there was NOT a weight problem). As I was the type of kid that seen a "Keep Out" sign as an invitation this regulating my food made me want more. I started sneaking food and eating junk whenever I was alone - after all, they couldn't stop me! The habits followed me into adulthood and my weight gain started after having kids.
Would I have had a weight problem if I could have just had the da*n chip when I was 12? Who knows. But, for that reason I am VERY careful if I feel the need to intervene in the food intake of my children.
I'm not sure there is one answer for every family, or even every child.
I was put on my first "diet" when I was five years old, and what I ate and how much was closely monitored, while my brother was allowed to eat what, when, and how much he pleased. I had the weight problem, he didn't.
I'm not saying there was cause and effect. I'm sure part of the reason my parents monitored my eating differently than my brother, was because I reacted to food differently than he did, perhaps from the very start. And yet, the closer my parents watched and controlled what I ate, the more important food became to me. The more "unfair" it seemed that my brother didn't have the same restrictions, and the more secretive I became about eating.
I don't know if making less of an issue of my weight and what I ate would have made much of a difference (I suspect so, but who knows?) Perhaps an extreme reaction either way is most likely to cause problems.
thank you all very much you have given me many things to think about. my girls do not have a weight issue right now but i do worry that they will one day. both sides of there family is very very overweight but not because of medical issues just plain old overeating.
chel yep my girls do that alot too
maggiegirl that is something i think of all the time too both sides of the girls family have problems with this bad!!!!!!
midwife you made a very good point too me i think i needed to here so i could tell myself duhhhhh. my 4 year old is way to small for her age(32lb) do too very enlarged tonsils she could not eat right for a long time. the other too are very normal. maybe one should not worry so much
tonia thanks i would never want them to feel the need to do that either
The thing with kids is not every child is the same. My mom use to think that I ate too much as a child and would make my plate and it just wouldn't be enough for me. I was thin at the time, but I did blow up like a blimp because I would sneak food and over eat because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to feel "fullness" for many days because my mom wouldn't give me enough. Children's matabolisms are very high and they need more food. As for your 8 year old, she is still growing and when they have growth spurts, they need more food. A lot more food than you think she needs. I've had this very same discussion with my ped. My son will eat and eat and eat on one day and then the next he eats normally and then the next he doesn't eat that much. It's normal for boys all the way through the teenage years and normal for girls up until Junior High. Now, I don't know how big your daughter is, but if she is average size for her age, I would let her eat until she is completely full, but not on the verge of becoming sick.
I don't have kids yet - but this is something I am already worrying about. I have started eating healthy and exercising, b/c my husband and I want to start trying for a family this year - I want to do what I can to have a healthy pregnancy when the time comes and I want to have good habits to pass down to my children. But I worry - my parents were strict with my sister and I on everything. My mom never had regular soda, chips, cheesey poofs, or even cheese in the house. When she bought cookies, we were only allowed so many at a time. On one hand, this meant when I got to college - I felt 'free' to eat whatever/however much I wanted. But now that I realize what I have done to myself - I have what my parents taught me to fall back on and get back on track.
Also - even though I turned out 'chubby', my sister is very slender. I think there is really no way of knowing exactly what to do. All you can do is do your best - do what you think is right for your child. Teach your child to eat healthy and to limit sweets. I can't tell you how many times I told my mom I was hungry and heard "Go eat a piece of fruit."
I don't have kids yet - but this is something I am already worrying about. I have started eating healthy and exercising, b/c my husband and I want to start trying for a family this year - I want to do what I can to have a healthy pregnancy when the time comes and I want to have good habits to pass down to my children. But I worry - my parents were strict with my sister and I on everything. My mom never had regular soda, chips, cheesey poofs, or even cheese in the house. When she bought cookies, we were only allowed so many at a time. On one hand, this meant when I got to college - I felt 'free' to eat whatever/however much I wanted. But now that I realize what I have done to myself - I have what my parents taught me to fall back on and get back on track.
Also - even though I turned out 'chubby', my sister is very slender. I think there is really no way of knowing exactly what to do. All you can do is do your best - do what you think is right for your child. Teach your child to eat healthy and to limit sweets. I can't tell you how many times I told my mom I was hungry and heard "Go eat a piece of fruit."
That is true. You not only need to give your child the sweets on occasion, but through out their life, you need to tell them why they can't have a lot of sweets and why they have to eat more fruits and vegies than cookies and candy. If you show them the way and tell them why it is so, then when they leave the nest, it's all on them to remember what you said and follow what you taught them
I have a 9 year old daughter and a 13 month old son.....let's just say I am trying to be different by my son.... My little girl weighs, well ,did weigh 120, she says she's lost 9 lbs, which is great, kids can lose it faster,but,she still eats like a horse, and here lately it seems to be getting worse, I try to take control of the situation I really don't believe in putting a child on a diet, I just tell her we (she) need to eat healthier now so we (she) don't have to diet later on in life. She's been pudgy most of her life, but she is taller, like 4'9" or something(she looks 12) so she doesn't show it real bad she has the little belly that pooches out and has to wear plus size girls clothes(14 1/2, which is really too big),I blame my MIL, because she has always let her eat anything and I think that's how nanny shows her love ,because I've noticed that she's doing the same with my son, i do upholstery work and I work in MIL's basement, so she watches my son for me and everytime I come upstairs she's either feeding him a debbie cake, chips ,or some sort of junk or she's holding him while he sleeps, then tells me I'm starving him,but not in a mean way, those things really run all over me, because she did the same thing with my daughter and she would rather be with nanny than me. and that reallly hurts. I'm doing real good withh Shelby(my son) he's above average on his height and average on weight, where Kort was always above on both. But I have to say Kort isn't as big as I was at that age, I remember in 1st grade when they weighed us and measured us . I was standing on the scale and I weighed 110,and I remember how bad I felt, seeing my teacher standing there infront of me whispering to another teacher,both of them looking at me,me being only 6 or 7 and knowing they were talking about me. I just don't want to let Kort go that, if she hasn't already or even Shelby for that matter.
I have had arguments about this with my mother. She thinks I should feed the kids whatever they want and how much they want. But I disagree completely, I think that is the reason I am overweight. When we go to my mothers house she will give them soda, candy, tons of sweets. Most of those things I don't give my children so it makes me kindof mad that she does. My mother in law is 10x worse, she will let them eat candy the whole time they are there. It isn't just the weight issue, I think when my kids have chocolate it makes them hyper!!!! But my kids are perfect weights, they are in the normal category in weight. So I think I am doing something right!!
I think that every child is different, and that there should not be strict "rules" on how many of this, or that, is enough. Sometimes children (just like adults) are hungrier than they are at other times.
The only foods that I limit at home, are junk foods like chips, candy, etc. Some mornings my kids get up, and sit there half asleep playing with their cereal and not eating it...and the next day they wolf it down. Their hunger levels are different depending on the day, time, etc.
I was this way as well, when my kids were infants. I didn't believe in feeding an infant on a schedule of every 2 or 4 hours, etc. I fed them when they showed signs of hunger.
I think that *what* the child is eating is really more important that how much of this or that...and how active they are.
Some days my daughter or sons don't want to eat much, and I don't make them clean their plate. Some days they want seconds.
What I *do* control at home, is the kinds of foods that we have in the house. We don't have Doritos and fried chicken, etc. We don't keep Fruit Roll Ups in the pantry, etc. and we are very active as a family. I think that those things are important. As an after school snack, the kids eat fruit every day when they get home. They know that they are more than welcome after school to go get an apple, clementine, raisins, or whatever healthy thing they want, if they are hungry.
So...rather than controlling the AMOUNT of food...I think it is more important to control the quality, and the activity level of the kids.
I agree with midwife 100% on this. I don't believe in regulating the actual intake of the food, because some days I don't feel hungry...and the next day I might be starving. Children should learn to use their actual hunger cues...as long as the food is decent, and not junk.
how much do you let your kids eat
