I can't even admit the number on the scale to my husband or anyone else. I know I need support, and a place where I can be totally honest, so this message board seemed to fit that bill.

I'm 31. My weight has flucuated all my life. I was over 200s in high school and graduated high school weighing about 260 lbs. In college and grad school my weigh changed dramatically as bulimia took hold of my life. I got down to about 120 lbs. I've only recently stopped purging, but I still really struggle with food. My weight seemed to stabilize at 220 for about 5-6 years. I was very healthy (by doctor's accounts) and active at that weight. In the last year I have suddenly gained about 90 lbs.

I am not fully sure why I have gained weight so quickly, but i have put my body through a lot in my life. I now weigh 309 lbs. The highest it has ever been. My husband and I have been trying to concieve without success for the last year and I am afraid if I go to the doctor for help, they will just tell me it is because I am too fat to have children.

I feel desperate and lonely at times. I know if I could get my food under control I could lose this weight. I walk 25 miles a week on the treadmill - so I try to remain active despite this massive weight gain -- but it is getting harder and harder.

I haven't decided yet how I am going to diet. I went to a nutritionist and followed her plan for 2 months but only gained weight on it. It was a low carb plan. I am sure I gained weight because I was eating too many calories, even if it was all veggies and lean proteins.

Let's see... what else can I blurt out in this lame introduction I have going here? LOL. I'm a vegatarian, Christian... um...

I look forwarding to getting to know people on this board and I hope I can get support and offer support to those in a similar situation.

Thanks so much for reading this...

Welcome first of all! Thank you for being so brave in sharing your soul with us here. You are among friends.

There are several issues you have brought up. First of all, this is a good place to start in your desire to be healthy again. Take the time to really go over all of the information here and there really is no particular place to begin. The main thing is HEALTH!

The whole package: MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT.

You can address each of those differently but I do think that if you want to remain healthy for yourself and any future children you wish to have you need to deal with all of them at one point or another.

One more key word: LOVE , as in LOVE YOURSELF!

Nothing worthwhile was ever done out of self-hate or loathing.

Double hugs for you! Hope to hear from you more in the days, weeks, months to come. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Hi Myrtle!

You know, doctors can be so scary for people when they are overweight or obese - the fear of being judged is so extreme! That being said, if you didn't change your eating or exercise habits and gained 90 lbs in a year, your doctor would be the best place to start, just to make sure everything is functioning properly. Sometimes, an untreated issue (like a thyroid problem, PCOS, etc) can make our weight loss so much harder. So get a checkup, if you haven't already.

Kudos to you for being active...25 miles a week, wow! You've got the fitness part under control. Now the eating is the next step. Have you chosen a plan? Made some decisions about how your life is going to change? Even little changes (getting rid of soda, switching to leaner proteins and whole grains, focusing on eating lots of fresh fruits and veggies) can make a HUGE difference in weight loss.

Most of all, stay here and keep posting. This place is amazing for support, ideas, and those days when you just need someone to kick you in the rear!

Can't wait to get to know you better.

Hello there I.M. It sounds like we have quite a bit in common. I am 31, and my highest weight was 336, (I joined 3FC at 309). I was always the fat kid in school. I never went bulimic, and I never got below 200 in my adult life. I was also fit and healthy at the 220 - 240 mark, but college destroyed that for me.

I was told that children are an improbability for me - because of my weight, PCOS and IR. But as they say, miracles can happen. I have a girlfriend who weighs 295, and she has successfully carried 2 children - unplanned, but healthy.

Atkins works for me - but it sounds like lo-carb is not the answer for you. There are all kinds of plans explored here - ask questions to anyone. We all love to help each other.

About your large and quick weight gain - I expect you have seen your doctor? Something more than just weight gain may be going on. Like thyroid problems since you have "messed" with your metabolism, or maybe some other disease. Explain to your doctor your activity level, and the sudden weight increase - if he's any good, he'll recognize it as a legitimate health concern, and not just a lack of will power!

I wish you all the best. I hope you find a program that works for you. Please check in often - even when (most especially when) you fall of the wagon. There is no guilt here - only encouragement and love. Feel free to contact me about anything - I try to check in every other day if not daily.

All the best in your success.

HI MYRTLE, Please don't be so hard on yourself. we have all struggled with weight gain, it's why we are here. food issues have plagued me since i can remember, and i think i will always have issues. you have maintained your excercise regime, walking 25miles a week is something to be proud of!!! good for you!! It sounds like you really want to start a family, and that's good motivation. i totally understand your unwillingness to go the the doctor, unfortunately there is an illusion there, that we dont know we are fat, and they need to tell us, and then banter on about how unhealthy it us for us. duh!! I would take the suggestion of the other posters, and at least get checked out, then you can start with a clean slate. i have done weight watchers for the past 15 months, it has worked out well for me, because i can basically eat what i want as long as i account for the points. the support of the meetings is also good. but if you are not comfortable in that setting, you can sign up and do it online. if i could give you one piece of advice, it would be, dont over think it, just take it one day at a time, follow your plan(whatever that may be) and before you know it, a day turns into a week, and the 2,4 and so on..... the weight will come off. there are excellent web sites like this one with support, and recipes... iam glad you took the first step coming here. good luck with your journey. (p.s. i have been married for 20 years, and my husband still dosent know what i weigh, or have ever weighed) certain things are just not up for discussion. lol

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello and Welcome!! Good Luck with your weight loss!! You can do it!!

Thank you all for the generous welcomes!! You've just validated for me what a great place this is!

I last saw a doctor about 4 months ago, so I am not completely avoiding. I actually have to go in semi-regularly for blood work. I was put on thyroid medication four months ago - which has slowed the weight gain but I am still gaining. In fact, this morning my weight was 311. What? How did I gain 3 lbs in a day?!? Oh, but I am getting sidetracked. So I was diagnosed with hypothyroid and I am getting treated, but I know that little pill isn't solving all my weight problems for sure.

I haven't seen my OB/GYN since my pre-conception visit about a year ago. She was concerned about my weight then, so I can only imagine what she will say now. I am tempted to put off going for just a couple more months so I can try to lose weight.

The exercise is the only thing I do right. 25 miles a week takes me a LONG time now that I am over 300. It is a huge part of my life - it is not uncommon for me to spent 3 hours on the treadmill at a time. I just can't walk as quickly for as long as I used to.

Weight watchers sounds tempting - does it accomodate a vegetarian diet? I don't know about the meetings, though, as I am pretty shy. I always thought OA would be really helpful for me given my 10 year struggle with bulimia and continued overeating, but I am just too shy to show up to a meeting!! ACK!

Thanks again for the warm greetings and words of encouragement.

Myrtle - If you're interested in checking out a WW go to a meeting It does accomodate a vegetarian diet. (They tell you how to get your protein in other ways.) They are not as big and scary as they sound. Show up early so you don't walk into a room full of people. You don't have to say anything, you can just listen. If people are REALLY not your thing, you can always try the online program, too. Some people show up for a few weeks to get all the materials they need & do the program at home, too. There are many many options. For me, the weekly WW meetings & this forum are what I use for support & encouragement.

Myrtle,

It is a pleasure to meet you. I understand your frustrations (Actually I think there are a lot of people that share some of them). I too am close to 300, I am 287. This is about the highest I have been in life. I just started going to the gym again after 8 years, and my hubby and I are trying to have a baby. But with my weight, its making it very difficult. Last November I had surgery because I had a huge Fibroid Tumor in my belly. It was the size of a cornish hen. I thought now with this out of the way my periods and weight would get back into normal routine. Reality check, it didn't. So now for my health and for wanting to have kids so bad, that I must suck it up and work hard at becoming a healthier me.
I understanding your shyness. I am the same way. But I have gone to WW meetings and plan on starting again. Your not put on the spot, actually your leader and groupmates make you feel so comfortable that you want to talk, and ask questions. But I one thing you may have to do is search for the right Leader, one that you feel comfortable with.
Anytime you need to talk or need an extra pat on the back. Please feel free to contact me at my diet blog. Because you need a support system, doesn't matter if its 1 or 50 people. My hubby doesn't know my exact weight either, but I m really thinking of telling him. Because he works such crazy hours, He doesn't even know that I went back to the gym last night. The crazy things we do!!!