I'm not exactly sure what to do about my DH. Ever since he found out that I was going to get really serious about losing weight, and my doctor's have changed my diet because of diverticulitis, he has been doing major damage to my efforts. I know that I am a big girl and should be able to say "no", but let's face it, I didn't get to be 360 lbs (at my highest) by being able to say no to food. So far in a week he has: Brought home donuts twice, brought home Lemon Danishes (which only I eat) once, brought dinner home (pizza, burgers, Chinese and then finally a salad last night) 4 times, and brought home my favorite little cupcakes twice! That's a lot of crappy no-no's! It isn't the first time I have been trying to lose weight and he has done this. Yesterday he was supposed to stay home with the kids so that I could go sign up at the gym and work out and he managed to "run a quick errand" that took him 6 hours! I am seriously at my wits ends with this. I don't understand why he's doing it. Does anyone have any suggestions? I've been extremely blunt with him about it, telling him I can't have this stuff in the house right now because my willpower is at 0%. Help!

This probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his own fears and self-image. You are saying you are going to change, and maybe he fears that if you change your behaviours and lifestyle he might be one of the things that gets 'changed'...or traded in! (Especially if he is overweight, too?)Maybe he needs lots of reassurance that your relationship will not be affected by your new healthy habits. And you know what, when bad food that I really really like shows up in my house I throw it in the garbage. I tell myself it is not really food, so it's not really wasting food. It is throwing out junk.

He's like a cornered dog and he doesn't even know it!!

He probably is worried you will get thin and leave him, even though you know you won't! I doubt he is even aware he has done so many different destructive things. I would list them out in black and white and tell him that, for your health, you need to do this and could he please stop sabbotaging your efforts. Remind him how proud he will be of you when you lose weight and that you'd like to look good for him too, not just yourself!

Is food something you both have in common? Or is it something he has brought you as a sign of affection? Maybe he just needs to be given different suggestions on how to support you now, instead of ding dong's he needs to bring you an exercise magazine or something diet/health related!

If he keeps doing it, you'll need to start tossing the stuff - I know if it's in the house - I'm eating it!!

Good Luck!

Sorry TJ North - looks like you posted while I was typing!! Seems we are on the same page though....

WOW, bless your heart. Its a hard enough fight when you have support, but my gosh, to have all that food thrown at you in the beginning....i would be raving mad.

I know you have told him you cant have it in the house right now. but ask him "why dont you respect my request?" Is he overweight and used to eating this way? Maybe even try some guilt by telling him, the weight you are at is not healthy. If he wants to spend his golden years with you he needs to start helping you with your health. Maybe if you make him see that is it going to affect how long you live and your actual health he will be a bit more sensitive.

My grandparents used to do that when i would go on a diet when i was a kid. I never understood the need to sabatage someone else. Its just rude and selfish.

The next time he brings something into the house that you don't want, immediately throw it out, flush it, or garbage disposal it. He will get the hint really quick. You do need to talk to him. Assure him that you love him and the kids so much that you want to be around longer. You aren't losing weight to get rid of him, you are losing weight to be able to be with him longer. It doesn't hurt to say things like, "you know when I lose weight I will be able to do XXXXX to you that I can't do now, or wear some kind of sexy underwear." Make him part of the process.

Thank you, ladies! DH is actually not heavy at all - he's 6'2" and was 164 when we married, he's 190 now. He has a bit of a belly, but it's nothing. We did use food as an "activity" I guess. We would always have some special thing on his nights off, but this is almost daily now. I have talked to him about it, but I guess a really long heart to heart is needed.

He's afraid and probably doesn't even know it. Talk about it his sabotaging without blaming him. Ask for his support. Demand his support.

A really long heart to heart might do it, but it might not, either.

I had a DH who did similar things. We would talk about it, he would say he understood. Then there would be another "Oh, just this once day." The only thing I found that worked was to tell him IN ADVANCE: If you bring home junk food, I'm going to have no choice but to hand it back to you and make you take it away, out of the house. And then when he did it, I set it in his lap and said, "I told you I would have to ask you to get rid of this, so please do." I had to do this severall times before he understood that I was really serious.

There's a parallel here, with alcoholics. Sometimes our loved ones get so used to being our "suppliers" that they start to feel it's part of why we need them around. Maybe giving him something else that you NEED him for would be helpful. Walks together? Cooking help?

Hang in there. This is important for your health. You need support. If DH can't support you, you have to do it for yourself.... with us, of course.

Why is he shopping for food every day, bring pizza, burgers,salad - do you not have groceries in the house to make meals?

I agree with the advice to 'get rid of everything' he brings in to tempt you. He will stop wasting money when he sees it going in the garbage can.

But back to meals, is he bringing in burgers in addition to the dinner you are making at home?

Vortex had a great point regarding those close to us being our *suppliers*.

I found, with those I see daily, that I had to let them know I *needed* them to help me, by hiding the junk food, by splitting the junk food with me when I allow myself to have it, by being on the lookout for healthy products/alternatives. This wasn't a concious thing, of course, but something that we naturally fell into. So now, they are still in a sense my *suppliers*, only in a different way.

Yeah, been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

When I first started this my dh was definitely not supportive. He was threatened and concerned our lifestyle would change (e.g., I wouldn't want to go out to eat anymore). In my case, dh also had to lose a lot of weight. It took a while for him to get out of the habit of bringing me food! After a few months he was fully onboard and we are now on this journey together.

Sit down and talk to him, as the others have suggested. Tell him that this is important and why. DO make him part of the process. Assure him you love him. Try to find out why he's doing this. I like the idea of telling him what you will do if he does bring food home.

And in all this, know that he probably can't change overnight. You may need to be strong for a while, before he really gets it!

Good luck!

I don't have any more advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through. People often fear change, even if it is for the better. Hopefully with some talks and some time he will come around.