First off I want to say I LOVE coming to this board and reading what every one has to say. Every post in helpfull and motivating and inspiring. Thank you!!
Keen and OKLizzy,
to the OA board
Ok Lizzy, you asked what was the catalyst? I don't know if I can pin point it. I had been attending OA meetings for a year or two, on and off. Then I decided to get serious. I got a sponser, a food plan and worked on the steps every day. I eliminated sugar and white flour and I had my first taste of abstinence. It lasted 3 weeks. Then I ate for a few days, then mellowed out for a few days. Then back to abstinence.
I repeated this pattern for many months, never making it to 30 days. But I did lose almost 30lbs. Then I decided OA and abstenance were too hard, so I stoped going to OA. That was October 2005. I then spent a year trying to find a ballance. Trying to be abstinent most days and allow myself to eat on others. Well I gained back 25lbs, and realised again that I am addicted to sugar.
So October 2006, I am thinking about returning to OA. I find this board again and start reading in the OA section. I was thinking I need to do this. I have lost so many years to this disease. I have lost my will to live. I have lost all hope of a joyfull life.
I tried and failed so many times before. Last year in OA I failed every time I tried for 30 days. My sponsor said I just need to commit. I didn't know how. One time I was 2 days away from 30 days and I said 'I don't care, I want to eat'. One thing that is very different for me this time in OA is that i have come to peace with the thought that i need to do this for the rest of my life.
My last time in OA I thought mostly of 'today', that was all I could handle. I would 'just for today' my way through the days. Then I would reach a day where I would think "well I'm not going to do it forever, so I might as well eat for today, and then be abstienent tomorrow".
This time adstinece started with a quote and a commitment. The quote was posted by Slimlindy on another thread here on the OA board. It was, "Commitment is more important than motivation. Commitment is not the ambitious drive for something, it is the faith that sticking to a path will eventually produce results."
I looked at my life and found an area where I was commited. I DID know how to commit. Then I decided that I would face abstinence with the same commitment I give to my marriage and my kids. But why I could not do this last year, I don't know, but it was impossible for me.
I know this is very long, I know that every one has a different path to follow, even in OA. But thank you for letting me share my experience. It helps me to remember why I am here, and how I got here.