The last couple of days have been emotionally draining. Yesterday I went to a concert and ran into my ex-boyfriend with the girlfriend that he left me for 3 months ago. Today I went to the doctor for a pap smear and physical and discovered that after 3 months of eating healthy, exercising, and losing what surely must be at least 30 pounds (I don't weigh myself, but I have gone from a size 24 to a very loose size 18), my blood pressure is now higher than before.
I have spent the last 3 months trying to use the breakup as an opportunity to do something more positive with my life, when honestly, I don't feel like there is even any life left in me. But I go through all the motions: eat healthy, go to the gym, nurture my career, go lots of places to try to meet new friends, go see my counselor every week, etc.
My counselor says that I am doing all the right things. But I am literally exhausted trying to fit all this stuff into my schedule, and I am still terribly lonely and depressed, and all it seems to have accomplished is that I am now losing weight at an almost alarming rate because I'm too upset to eat a lot of the time.
And no, the guy is not worth being this upset about. At least I keep telling myself that. I certainly wouldn't want him back. But I miss having SOMEONE in my life. We were together for five years and it was the first time in my adult life that I had the security of knowing that if my car broke down or something someone would notice that I didn't make it home. And I think the part that is really upsetting to me is that this was the only guy who has ever been in love with me. Which would not be a big deal if I were 21 years old, but I'm more than twice that.
Yes, I have terrible luck attracting men. Everyone tells me that I'm a nice person and I have so much to offer, but none of it seems to matter to the opposite sex. And for the brief time in my life that I was thin, it wasn't any better. The only difference was that then the men I knew wanted to be friends "with benefits" instead of just friends.
If there is anything you can tell me that will make me believe that this will get better, please do, because I am SO discouraged right now....