Today has been really rough. I've got so many feelings that I'm having to feel. I'm not coping with them with food or alcohol or anything else compulsively. I'm feeling all of them.

I've been dealing with loneliness since I became abstinent 5 months ago. I used to eat to deal with it. Now, I feel lonely a lot. It's really frustrating to be doing all the things that I'm supposed to: working the steps, abstinent, calling my sponsor, going to meetings, turning everything over to my higher power. I'm also allowing my body to be healthy by exercising and losing 40 lbs. I look amazing, but I'm still lonely. I'm still not happy.

I spent the day with my husband and daughter and may as well have been on another planet. I don't feel connnected to them.

I made a good choice yesterday. I wanted to crawl into a bag of chips, but instead I called a friend and made plans for tomorrow. That was awesome. But, I still feel rotten.

I talked to someone from my OA group tonight, and she told me that it's part of the process. We all go through it. There's so much crap that we stuffed down with food for so long, that now that we're feeling it, it's new and scary and awful. Part of the process is figuring out what it is that we are feeling. She said that it's okay to feel this--it's okay to be right where I am. It will get better, and I'm not eating over it.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling lonely. I'm tired of wanting to hide from my family. I want to get my needs met through them. Why is that so hard?

I could so easily run away tonight. I could go somewhere where I don't have to work so hard at being a wife, a mom, and a daughter. I want to go where someone is interested in me, will hold my hand, and laugh with me.

This day can't be over soon enough. God I hope that tomorrow is better.

Sometimes the people we love just do not get it. They can't help it, they are not walking in your shoes. It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. Sometimes we have to tske it a minute at a time. keep on keeping on it will get better.Good luck.

Marny, Barqoo is so right. Something I learned years ago (from my husband, the social-worker) is that we can't rely on others to make us happy. I used to think he was reponsible for my happiness. That as long as things were good between us, I was being fulfilled. But he wasn't always "there" for me in the right way or at the right time, you know?
I love my DH... he's my best friend. But he doesn't fill my every need. No one can do that for me. My happiness and satisfaction with life can only come from within.

Patience, dear girl. As your friend from OA said, this is part of the process. You'll get through it, Marny. Big hugs, sweetie...