Thank you all for the replys. I was in a horrible mood when I posted this thread and I cried as I typed. I don't think you all need me to tell you what it feels like to be alone in this little war. I notice I am not alone when I visit this board. Thank you all for just being here.
I have a thin little 36 year old friend who's had 3 children and I don't see an ounce of fat on her. I see myself working for my money so I can pay my bills and last week she went to HUD and welfare to apply for assistance so she can move out of her living situation that her boyfriend has been paying for in the last 5 years. I see myself struggling with my weight issue and I see the way she hasn't got a care in the world. I feel like a great big baby who deserves to have a tantrum: IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! One person carries a thousand pounds of stress (and bulk!) and another smokes her pot, gets drunk and couldn't care less ... that particular friendship is EXPENSIVE emotionally for me and the woman at the other end of this has no clue. This hurts me ladies, and it hurts me hard. To spend less time with her would absolutely benefit me greatly, I know this. I'm single and have no kids-we are night and day as people. I feel like I can't cut her off right now when she's at such a low point, because that's the kind of person I am. However, when I rethink this, she's always at one low point or other and is always needy. But I'm dangling off a sting over here and if I have to choose where I'm going to direct my attention, I'm going to pick myself aren't I? YES without even thinking about it. A given, from me to me.
I'm going to the wedding today. I found something to wear, it's a 300 or so people wedding and casual will fly attire-wise. To stay home and sulk would only make me feel guilty and they'd just talk about me at work for not being there. You know how that is
The bride started off as a student worker in the office and is now full time. I watched her wait 5 years or so for him to ask, and he gave her a diamond for Valentine's Day last year. They both have huge families and the planning must have been a nightmare. She's asked me several time if I'm coming and I can't hurt her by not being there. If nothing else, at least the beer will be cold LOL. One, I have to drive home. New York state is very unforgiving, understandably so. I hope the wedding is slammin' for her-they have a red-headed daughter that is one **** of a spitfire!
lilybelle, what can I tell you? You look great! Living proof that it CAN be done, might be a royal pain in the arse but oh-freakin-well, lotsa things in life are. Suck It Up Sister, as I've been told at work everytime the workload is heavy. At least we are here to have the stuggle and I need to remember that when I'm feeling low.
I can't comment individually to everyone who posted here due to time-wedding is at 3:00 pm and I just got a call that my new glasses are ready for me to pick up. YAY! I am doing well, I have lost some weight and I haven't smoked a cigarette since January 8th of this year. Sorry for the rant, I work at a college and classes start in a few weeks meaning summer is basically over. Upstate NY snow weather is a few months away and I'm just not ready to think like that yet (although I do love the Fall season in color and smell!)-but I've decided to pinch a gym membership into my budget no matter how hard it hurts and just dedicate the next year to working hard. I have a loan that will be paid off in 11 payments-my social life is asleep until I have that off of me financially so I may as well sweat it off with the best of them. What's a year? I'm 40 and then I'll be 41. Big whoopie.
OMG I feel like I should pay you guys for this session-take Visa, Mastercard, Discover?