Hello everyone, I am new here. I am suffering from Depression and Weight Loss issues. My issue is kind of strange and reversal with weight loss and exercise and depression. Here's the problem. I am 21 years old, and I have been suffering with weight loss for almost a year now. In about October it will be a full year. Well, last year this time, I weight 130lbs. I am 5'7 1/2. Not too bad right? Well my problem before the weight gain was the fact that I had gained ten pounds after high school, but last year before I went up, I went back down to about 129lbs, because I was in the hospital for the depression, and i had lost a good amount of inches. I signed myself in the hospital because I was sooo depressed. Weight wasn't the entire issue then. I always had this tiny pudge in my tummy that I could not get rid of, and I wanted to do some toning and touching up with my body. My weight was okay overall. Unfortunately I was on the Depo shot at the time. Bad move. I would never use that method of birth control ever again. I looked like a blow up doll. I gained sooo much weight. I wasn't fat or anything like that, but I just blew up. I looked swollen. Everyone noticed and everyone thought I was pregnant, my family memebers feeded off of it, because I was always the thinner one. Now, I am struggling to get this weight off. So far since I got off the depo in December I lost a total of 7lbs. I still have a little fat under my chin (I hate looking at my face). I still have a stomach, Its just not right. I hate the way I look, and I want to change it so bad. Here are the diets that I have tried. I have tried Beachbody. I tried Beachbody when I was 130lbs. I ate grilled chicken salad for an entire week. It started to taste nasty afterwards (I am not a meat person) so I just gave up after a week, I did exercise for 6 or 7 days I think (this was last year feb). I switched the Power 90 for the slim in 6, now I have both. I thought the slim in 6 would help me to shed the ten pounds I have been trying to shed since I had gained the ten pounds. I never lost the ten pounds. After I came out of the hospital in the beginning of June of last year, I was comfortable enough with myself to wear the types of clothes that I liked showing my figure (wait until you see how I have changed). I was doing the beachbody slim in 6, the billy blanks tae bo, and the Winsor Pilates a total of three times a week. I would switch them up. I kept up with that for a good four weeks. I had surgery on my foot afterwards. I could not exercise at all. Then Between September and October I gained weight. By November I was a swollen reck. Fast forward to this year. I did weight watchers, along with getting a personal trainer. I was working full time and going to school full time just to get the money to do all of this. I felt if I had a job I could lose the weight with no problem. Well, I was wrong. I was doing the weight watchers, and going to see the trainer twice a week (thats all the time I had). I was going to school at night Monday through Friday, and I was working Monday through Friday. I had very little time to do anything. My days were very long. Up at 5:30am in the Morning, not home until 10:30 or 11:30pm at night. When I asked the trainer if I looked like I lost weight, she shook her head no. Then I decided not to give her anymore of my money. I tried LA Weight Loss, despite the many complaints they had on Ripoffreport.com. I still tried it. I lost a good amount of weight with them. I stuck with them for about 3 weeks, with the abuse, attitude and all. The weight loss was fast though. I lost 9lbs in my first week and a half. Afterwards my weight kept going up and down two pounds. So, after I was told I had a weight problem I left. I dont believe in using someones emotions and personal, or career goals to get their money. (I feel bad about myself, but not that bad to let someone lie to me to get my money. I am not confident, but I have an ounce of confidence left to know, yes I want to drop some weight, and get back to my old self, but at the same time I knew I did not have a weight problem). The used every excuse in the book to try to keep me there, and every excuse int he book to say what the problem was. I thought was total B.S. Till this day, I know I dont have a weight problem (thats why I do not understand why the weight wont come off). I decided to go to another trainer. He was real cool, I wish I could have seen him enough, but I had quit my job (that was really depressing me as well). I could not afford to continue to see him afterwards. But he helped me to get some good decisions in about myself. I am a lot more calmer that I left my job, it was getting in the way of everything. The people there were immature adults who acted like little kids, attitude with everything. I got tired of it, it was not my career, and it was draining the **** out of me. I would go all out for my career, but that was not even in the same category as my career. Well, that was in May of this year. My last day there was May 31st, 2006. I was sooo happy when I left. I also quit so that I could focus more on my weight loss. When I was younger I used to dance, I would dance twice a week. I was Goregous when I was younger. I am sooo depressed, I now have two left feet, no energy, and I feel terrible. I have been on three different sleeping pills. I have been on 5 different anti-depressants, now I am trying to get myself in a day treatment program for the depression.
I started to see the nutritionist at the clinic I was going to. I told her I wanted to lose twenty pounds by the end of the summer, she told me it was possible. This was two weeks ago. Last week I went to way myself in with her, I only lost one pound. Then she tells me that she wants me to continue to lose weight at that rate (that took my motivation away right then and there). She told me by the end of the summer I should be down 8lbs. I left her a message that night asking her why did she tell me that I could lose twenty pounds in two months then tell me something different. She never responded to my phone call, I am going there today to see my counselor. I will call her or find her and question her about it. Oh yea, I tried the low carb thing as well. I did it for a week, and I could not even exercise. I had a headache the entire weak, and felt weak. I am thinking about trying that again, which is in the ultimate new york body plan book. My boyfriend and I have already prepped the food for it to just be grilled and stuff like that. I have brought the protein power for the shakes. I am just so depressed today I am not hungry.
I have also tried dietary supplements. From Beachbody.com (which I do not think is any different from any other weight loss company trying to make a quick buck). I got sick from one of the supplements. I tried the One a Day Weight Loss (made me sick). And then I tried Lip 6. Also made me sick.
Heres the twisted part. People say exercise helps people with depression. With me its the opposite. Exercise depresses me. I hate exercising. Its soooo boring, and I never see results when I do it. I feel like diet and exercise is bogus. People also say, well you did not gain the weight over night, you are not going to lose it over night either. Yes I know that, but some people's weight gain is over a period of years, not mine. I blew up in two months. I honestly feel I should lose the weight in two months. I am sooo depressed, and tired of going through this. I live in New York City. I hate my life. I gave most of my clothing away to the Salvation Army. I could not fit anything anymore, and I decided not to go shopping until I lost the weight. I feel like the only way to lose this is through plastic surgery (which I cannot afford).
Today I decided to try the exercises in the Ultimate New York Body Plan. I hated the exercises it depressed me so much, and I was constantly being interrupted. People knocking at the door (I live with my Grandmother), I was working out in the living room. I do not have a problem following a diet, its the exercise that I hate. My boyfriend is the only one who supports me, my career goals, and my quest to look my best. He loves me no matter how I look. I am just trying to be myself again. He knows how I feel and that I am really depressed. I have hit rock bottom because of the way that I look. Also, I try to cover myself up as much as possible. I wear long sleeve shirts in 90 degrees weather. I never wear skirts, or shorts, always pants and sneakers. I hate the way I look. I dont feel sexy. I feel terrible. I am always crying. I am not sure what else to do. I feel like I have lost the battle with myself.
Thats my story.
I know I typed too much, sorry about that.