Hi All,
I've been away for the last little while and I wish it were because I was off doing something wonderful and exciting, but the truth is I've been floundering it in the last couple of weeks. It seems like I got rid of the weight I gained on vacation at the beginning of the month and then I just didn't care. I haven't exercised in over 10 days and my eating has been all over the board. I've managed to stay the same weight but if I keep going like this, Lord only knows where I'll end up. I've been staying away from 3FC as a result but I need to get back into coming around every day.
I'm very disappointed in myself because I'm so close to my goal but I just can't seem to get my mind into gear to do anything about it. My self esteem is starting to fade and my bad body image is returning. I'm frightened to death that I'm going to wake up one morning and all of the weight I lost is going to reappear - but when I weigh myself and I haven't gained anything I give myself a free-for-all. I'm rewarding myself for not gaining weight with poor behaviour and choices. What kind of reward is that? And why am I rewarding myself at all? I feel like I'm spinning out of control. One minute I feel guilty and the next I think well it's just 17 more pounds to go, that's nothing. To tell the truth, I'm more anxious about these last few pounds than the first 75.
I'm devoting this weekend to lots of exercise and outdoor activity to help refocus and maybe jumpstart myself back to where it needs to be. I have to recommit to this. I have to do it.
Thanks for letting me vent everyone.
~Dee