Rebeca- Sorry this is way you are feeling. I know how it feels for people to treat you badly because of the way you look. I used to date a boy when I was a freshman who I was totally over the moon for. We dated a few weeks and his mother called me and said that he was not going to be allowed to date me anymore because I looked to her like a girl who would keep her son from serving a mission for their church when he turned 19. In other words, she saw me as some party girl who would bring her son down. I was so devastated, and my mom was SO MAD. Now I look back to that and realize, I never wanted to be like them anyways. The point is, you have got to do what makes YOU happy. You are the person who has to live in your body.

Katie- the boy stuff i think all girls go through... but what hurts me is the women- women can be mean and cruel- I never had too many girlfriends and when i was in shape it was even worse! Women in my life were vicious and i am already taken! Even SIL told my DH that she didnt want me to be around her BF because she didnt trust me! And I feel like its not even about the way I act, its purely about how i look!

I remember one time that DH's assistant came to our house with his girlfriend and I had a jogging suit on (i had to finished working out) and the next day he told DH that he shouldnt allow me to wear that kind of stuff to atract men (By the way this was in the middle of the winter and the joggingsuit was longsleeved)!

Thanks for listening...it really helps when we put it in words!

I must say thank you again for all of your great advice. I don't want to be too hard on myself, but then again I know had I been harder on myself I'd be further along. Just my own s to work out I suppose.

Rebeca I feel for you. I really could not imagine anyone not liking you, because you are so sweet. Katie is right, you have to live for yourself and no one else. You can't control the emotions of other people, especially jealousy, so don't even try. Just be the most fabulous you that you can be and let them worry about how to deal with their jealousy.

Katie and Carmen- Good News to both of you! You are going directly to heaven with no stops! No questionaire or doubt! You two are so wonderful! Thank you for the great advice! That is why I am going to loose all of these fat and be a happier ME!

All of us have little voices in our heads trying to sabotage us... we just have to not give in!

my biggest fear is that i wont find a parter for life, not only because of my weight, but being heavier i have intimacy problems, i dont want to get close, because i dont want to get naked...im scared that because of myself i will be alone...im scared that when i will have a child one day i will gain so much weight that i will feel theres no turning back...and most of all i fear teaching my children that weight and appearance is important, instead of appreciating the inside, i fear that i will ruin my kids selfesteems like my dad did to us as kid...

milca i havent lost any weight all month...i want to post 2 lbs down, .6 down...like all the other girls...it kills me that i dont have the self control and the strength to do it for myself...i second guess myself all the time, do i not think im worth it, do i not want this bad enough, do i not have control over the one thing in life you truely have control over, myself...ive cried about it, and ive even been so depressed that i didnt leave the house for months...crying day in and day out...its tough, and its horrible that the world is so centered about weight and image instead of what greatness one holds...you are a sweet kind woman, who is strong everyday and takes care of two beautiful kids...and has a wonderful husband...im single, no man, no kids, im away from home...think how blessed you are, what a great life you have, your getting your first ( i assume) home, how accomplished you are in your life...and when you do feel down...i wish you did say how you felt, cause thats more important that 2lbs lost, .6lbs lost...huge hug for you!

rebeca~ men will be men, and women will always have trust issues...unfortunately you cant change that, you can only be yourself...

Rebeca--you are beautiful and some women can't handle that--being beautiful and happy will kill them--LET IT!! They don't deserve to know you to know what a wonderful person you are. There are plenty of others who will appreciate you for you!

Aggie--It's funny/odd I guess, that you are down about no man, no kids, etc.., when (I can only speak for me--and I adore my DH and girls) I sometimes get down over the responsibilities of a man, and kids, etc... I guess the grass seems greener sometimes. What you are doing is a lifetime experience most of us will never have so I can only say, please enjoy it!! You are definitely on the right track and are making all the moves in making healthy choices for yourself and all that will carry over to future relationships and children. You are so pretty and anyone who loves dogs can't be bad-right? You are worth it and you do have what it takes. You've seem all of us stumble--I seem to post more weight gains than losses lately--just gotta stay with it.

Oh, Aggie, I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way. It is so hard sometimes, isn't it? I suggested a book earlier that you would benefit from. It is called Body Clutter, by Marla Cilley and Leanne Eli. You can buy it on flylady.com. It deals a lot with emotional eating and body image. Here is a big from my end!!!

Aggie - you are young (and beautiful!). Enjoy your life. I got married young, and divorced three years later. I'm now in my second marriage, with four kids. None of the kids are from my current husband.
Enjoy your life and take things as they come! If I could change my past, I would. Good things come to those who wait. You will meet the right man, and start the right relationship, when the timing is right for you!

I hope that you don't take what I said in a negative way, though. In no way did I mean it that way, or intend that your fears are not valid. Because they most certainly are. You look at your life, and have valid fears.
I look at you and think, Wow. I wish I could do that! (study abroad, travel) As much as I love my husband and kids, sometimes I wish I was just single and would be free to do what I wanted, and have the experience that you are getting right now!

I still don't like the way that sounded (came out). I hope you understand what I mean.

Sherry--you are too funny--it was great and I think everyone understands where you are coming from!

Thanks Boo. I read it after I posted and it just didn't sound right. Sometimes it's hard for people to know your expressions and what you're thinking through the computer!

Rebeca, love what you said and it is so try...if we are trying, then that is not failing.

Rebeca, you cannot bring yourself down to please other people. If you gain weight to make them happy, they're probably saying "oooh...that rebeca has gained weight" and are talking about you behind your back anyway. Be happy with what God gave you girl...and if you are as kind to them as you are to us, you will eventually win them over. My mom worked in a factory and apparently had a very hard time with people being mean to her. She was such a prude (always wore skirts) and was the top seamstress in the factory...when they had bigwigs come in they would take them to my mom's sewing machine. Since they worked on production, they were really jealous of that. I know for a fact it coudln't have been because she was rude because she preached kindness to those who were unkind to you...it was one of her main messages through my childhood. Still, she eventually won them all over by being herself, and they ALL showed up crying at her funeral (probalby feeling like a huge tool for having been mean to her). Just be kind to them and be even kinder to yourself!

Aggie, you have a great opportunity to change lives and it couldn't have been given to a smarter, more head-on-her-shoulders girl. I saw your before, during, and after pics and gotta say I don't see what you see. We are our own worst critic. I got married at my (then) highest weight. My DH had never dated a fat girl, either. My whole life growing up I had a crush on this guy, Jamie. We just picked a lot (brother/sister) style in high school, and after he graduated a year before me I told him my true feelings. He was like "so, what did you make on your ACT?" Anyway, it was his nice way of saying "thanks, but no thanks." Anyway, I cried and cried because I knew he was perfect for me. After I went to college, lo and behold we became best of friends through email. He started coming up to my college for the weekend or helping me move in, cooking me dinners, or taking me antiquing (of course 2 hours or more from our hometown). He hated every guy I dated in college, and finally told my college roommate and her entire family on move-in day senior year that I was the perfect woman and he's marry me tomorrow...if I had a different body. They were SHOCKED. I was right beside him and I was thinking "how did this scrawny guy who btw has serious acne issues think that was appropriate." He never came out and said he liked me, but he would send me little email messages that would have numbers in the title and if you arranged the subject by the numbers it would say "jamie loves mary" or lame stuff like that. My thought was that I bared my soul and he was taking the easy road out. I wasn't about to meet him in the middle because I deserved someone who thought I was worth the risk just like I had thought about him so many years before. Anyway, I got married. One year later he married a girl (though he told me he didn't even like her and was only dating her to get some action only a year before). Now they're married and she's chunky. Oh, poetic justice. We're still good friends, but I say sometimes fabulous chicks with awesome personalities like us need a filter...and fat was my filter to keep out the superficial jerks. It worked. I married at 210 and let me tell you I felt and looked GREAT. With my pg I got up to 246. Now I am 169 and working downward and it feels awesome to know I don't have to do it for my husbandn to think I'm sexy. I'm doing it for me (and my kid). Just because you're not as thin as you'd like doesn't mean you won't find a quality man. In my case, it's part of why I did! A good man who is the man for you will love you if you're overweight (now mind you I actually think you look incredible as is).

Dairy - you are wisdom and strength beyond your years!

Awwww...thanks girlie! Have fun in NYC, btw!