I am soooo upset with myself. I don't know what to do. I've been the chunky girl all my life. Even in high school when I was 140lbs and an active teen I was thicker than the other girls, so I was always label as "the fat one."
At 30 years old, I'm still "the fat one." At work when someone describes people, I'm the "fat one". In my family, again I'm the "fat one." I have had plenty of time to whip my "fat one" behind in shape, but don't. I'll lose a few pounds, but then I gain it right back. In the past when I was successful with weight loss it was because I was either working 3 jobs & had no time to eat or I was so depressed, that I didn't care if I ever ate again.
I'm embarassed, and disgusted with myself. I know my mother's weight helped her to an early grave and I don't want to die at 52! But I feel like I'm lost, like I have no idea how to get this digusting, nasty fat off my body.
I'm educated, have a well paying job, a fiance that loves me...I'm blessed but at the same time I'm incredibly sad.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

I have been fat my whole life - I don't ever even remember weighing 140 - the lowest I remember is 170. And I was always sad that I was so much fatter then the other girls yet I never did anything about it and except eat and gain more weight. I promised myself I would never get to 180. Once I got to 180 I promised myself I would never get to 200. Well... my heighest weight was 220 and I was only 19/20 years old. How did I let myself do that?

Like you I too am educated, have a well paying job, and a boyfriend that loves me and I too amd incredibly sad.

But - I am changing myself now and this time I will lose all the weight and more. The hardest thing for me is to look at my 10 year old sister who is large for her age and try and tell her to watch what she eats - I mean what do you say to a 10 year old? I don't want her to end up like me...