I just posted this in the 20s board, but I thought maybe here too..

Hi, I'm new to this board. I guess I'll share a little about myself first.
I'm 26, married mother of 2. I have struggled w/ my weight since my teens. I am terriefied of gaining, and have 50 lbs to lose. After baby #2 I had 80 lbs to lose, and have already lost 30. Please don't congradulate me though. At a moment of despiration I decided the only way I could lose weight was to go back to my distorted habits I picked up in highschool. Besides that I realized that I have had an eating disorder my entire life, and the only times I was thin, was when I didn't fight it. Over the years I have flip flopped from every eating disorder you can think of. Compulsive over eating, anorexia, binging, anorexia, binging, anorexia, and bulimia. The cycle is vicious and I can't seem to break it. I want to lose the rest of this weight so desperatly, but I want to stop hurting myself too. Even as I type this my stomache is tight from last nights binge, and my face is swollen from purging all afternoon yesterday. I have gained 7 lbs in 2 weeks. This has to stop and I need support. My family dosn't have a clue how twisted I am, and I couldn't handle them knowing the truth. They already know that I am a total screw up, why add to the pot?

I try to workout at least 2x a week, and I know I could really lose if I could just stop the binging. If I stop the bining, and eat right. Food is just so hard for me. Anyhow, I own an elliptical and I love it. I own The Firm and I hate it. I am looking to buy an Easy Shaper this week, oh and I am a former dancer. I used to teach ballet, tap and jazz. Being fat is just *so hard* know I never should have let this happen.

Anyhow, enough rambling. I am very much looking forward to getting healthy, working out and losing weight. As you can see (if you made it this far) that I desperately need support. Thanks.

Hi! You have come to the right place for support. It sounds like you have been through a lot but you are already awesome because you know what you are doing wrong and are willing to admit it. Maybe you could try making small changes slowly...I think at this point it's better for you to ignore the scale and not worry about your weight, just focus solely on your eating habits. Plan ahead every day what you are going to eat (at least the day before) and plan for some healthy meals that are satisfying and things you like. If you go off plan for a day (i.e., a binge) don't sweat it! It happens to us all. Just try planning the next week's meals in things you know are good for you. There is a lot of information on these boards and I suggest you spend as much time as you can reading and reading and reading. You're not going to be 100% in your first week, or probably do all the meals the way you want them, but just try to get as close as you can and then work on getting closer the next week. I am glad you are here and I know your journey will go well.

Welcome!

Try this thread we take it only one day at a time...you have come to the right place. Their are lots here that can help and will be glad to talk......

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=78826