Hi ladies, I'm coming out of the dark here again. I'm a lurker that lives some kinds of quasi-lc lifestyle. Now we all know there is no such thing....so I'm defeating myself, esentially I'm a cheater. "Hello, my name is Stacy and I'm a carbaholic"
A devout Atkineer for a large span of time previously, I know the lifestyle is the best thing for me. What I can't figure out is why I can't get back on track. I start and get into ketosis and then the next thing I know I find myself at the damn Mcdonalds drive-thru. Then it's a horrid out of control spiral for days, sometimes weeks, and many gained pounds later I will snap out of it again.
It's kinda like my diet is bipolar or something. I have NO self control or will power. WHY WHY WHY do I do this??? I know I'm walking a thin line of clinical depression and stress...omg, you can't even imagine.
HOW and WHY do I end up at the drive-thru or eating that junk from the snack machine? Well I work five days a week, ALWAYS over forty hours, and have a four hour commute everyday. Yep, I drive 92 miles each way to work. On my days off I attend college fulltime, run errands, try to plan for the week, etc etc. I'm a single mother of four wonderful children, which I have no help with outside my house. My 16 and 15 year old daughters fill in the gaps when I'm not here...cleaning, taking care of their little brother and sister, cooking dinner when I'm late. And at any given time of day I'm on the verge of tears. So it's easy to be running late and not grab that lc meal I need to get through the day, always having good intentions of staying on plan with maybe an omlette or some other lc "fast food".
I come in drained and more often than not the sneakers and workout clothes I carry in my car stay in their pretty pink leather duffle. I find that I feel so guilty when I'm late, when I should be here with the kids, and I don't take the time to stop for a workout...not even at the track. Stressed to the gills, with homework and paperwork when I get here, I settle in with maybe a glass of wine...and viola, sabatoge!
SO there's all the "good excuses" for my failure...but being honest with myself, I know they are just that. I admire every one of you so much. And sit here and cry because I don't know what it's going to take for me to stop this madness!!!
I'm so proud of those of you that stay on track, and ask that you send good vibes and happy prayers my way, because if I don't get this under control soon I'm going to have a stress heartattack...then my children won't have me at all, even three hours late.
Sorry about the vent...and the long post...I'm just so defeated I can't seem to find the will to get back to good.